I was working as a receptionist at a vet clinic to pay my way through my degree in Graphic Design. I was in my last semester of the program and beginning to accept freelance work in my free time. My boss knew this and approached me with some work.

Client: “Hey, we need a flyer for an upcoming event. Can you whip something up? Here’s the information.”

Me: “I can’t really do this here; all we have on these computers is Word.”

Client: “Why don’t you use your designer programs? We need something eye-catching!”

Me: “Just to be clear, you’re asking me to use programs that I pay for out of my pocket, on my personal laptop that I also paid for, during work hours, at a job where I was not hired for my skills as a graphic designer, to create a professionally designed product for you, with no increase in my hourly rate? I’m sorry, but no. If you would like, we can certainly discuss my freelance rates after hours. I charge $25 an hour, and I estimate that a flyer of this type would take two to three hours.”

Client: “Seriously? That’s way too much for a simple flyer! Isn’t there, like, a friends and family discount?

Me: “No.”

He was silent for a moment and then went back to his office. He later made his own version of the flyer using Word, using about five conflicting fonts in various colors.

This encounter was pretty typical of the culture there, and I quit two weeks later.

Me: “We need this tool to streamline this process and automate it so we save ourselves several hours each shift. It would probably result in about a 20% reduction in our workload.”

Client: “That sounds great!”

Me: “I’ve already got a draft of what it will do, how it will work, and how the user interface will work and look.”

I show it to them.

Client: “I need this to be different. This just won’t cut it for what we need. Can you make these changes?”

Me: “I can, but it might not work.”

Client: “How so?”

Me: “It will definitely affect the performance and overall usefulness of the tool for us, but if you really need it, then we can sacrifice some functionality.”

I then go away to work on the “revised and improved” version as requested, often taking multiple times longer than planned for the “base” version.

Client: “Why is this taking so long to work, and why does it not do what you said it could do?”

Me: “Because you asked me to make it this way.”

Client: “You should have said it would not work.”

Except I did.

A website client of mine and I met at a restaurant so he could give me photos to put on the site and tell me what he wanted. (I do work from home and often find it more convenient if I drive to a restaurant or coffee shop nearer to the client.)

There, we discussed the pages he wanted, the pictures and video he had for me to go on those pages, etc. The contract that he signed stated that the content was his responsibility, not mine.

Over the course of six months, I consistently had issues getting content from him. He would say, “Oh, that photo was on the thumb drive I gave you,” when it actually wasn’t. I basically built the site with some of his photos and, initially, much of my text content. The six months basically went like this:

Me: “I was wondering if you had the content I need for that page.”

Client: “I am pretty busy right now. I will get it for you tonight.”

A week later:

Me: “Hey, did you happen to get the content for that page I mentioned a week ago?”

Client: “Sorry. Got held up on a big job. I will have it for you this weekend.”

Then, another week went by, and still nothing.

So it went for months. When I was finally down to the last bit of wording I needed for the final page, I sent the following text.

Me: “Hey, if you can give me the text you want on the [page], we can be done with the site.”

Client: “No, we are not done. It is done when it is exactly how I want it. I am not paying you to not finish! To be honest, I don’t even like the site. Are you even licensed to build websites? I could have had this site done a lot sooner at a lower price, and they would have done all the content. Why did I have to do all the work to get you content? And why did we meet at a restaurant? A real business wouldn’t operate like that.”

Me: “…”

This would be a justified homicide, right?

This is an actual conversation with a client over email. Because they are on the other side of the world, we have a twelve-hour delay for each response. The file in question is a 75MB .WAV file.

Me: “Thanks for your order. Because the file size is too big, please follow the link below to access your product. If you have any problems, please let me know.”

Client: “Hey! Thanks for the email. There wasn’t anything attached, though. Can you please send it again?”

Me: “Yep, the file is too big to attach. There was a link at the bottom of the email. Here it is again.”

Client: “You forgot to attach the file again.”

Me: “I didn’t forget. I provided a link to where you can download it.”

Client: “YOU STILL HAVEN’T ATTACHED IT!”

Me: “I can’t attach the file; it is too big. You can download it here. Click this link, and you will get it.”

Client: “You’re so incompetent. How can you not attach a file to an email? What the f*** are you doing in this business? Attach the f****** file or give me a refund.”

Me: “The file is TOO BIG TO ATTACH. Click THIS LINK. FROM THERE, YOU CAN DOWNLOAD THE FILE.”

The client then logged a dispute on PayPal. They never clicked the link or accessed the file.

Fifteen years ago when I was starting my career as a graphic designer, I was hired part-time by a small design agency. By “small” I mean that it was just the owner, a senior designer, and me. The salary was not high, but I was happy because it was really close to where I lived and I was building a real portfolio, apart from what I had made in design school.

One day, the owner asked me to make a logo for her husband’s company. She told me, really excitedly and proudly, that I would receive my first commission for doing the logo. She offered to pay 10% of the logo selling price. At the time, we sold logos for $150, so I was expecting to get about $15 as a commission. (I don’t live in America; this is converted to US dollars).

I designed a logo, and both my boss and her husband liked it. Everyone was happy… until I got my commission.

She added $1.50 to my paycheque.

Me: “Hey, I think you made a typo; you only paid me $1.50 for my commission.”

Client: “Oh, no, that’s right.”

Me: “So, you’re saying you sold my logo… for $15?”

Client: “Well, he is my husband. I gave him a discount!”

She smiled like she was really teaching me something. And I guess she was: to always negotiate in advance and never trust a client.

Later, I learned that the senior designer left when the owner pulled the same move, asking them to design a cookbook for “a friend”.