(I work in a grocery store, and we’ve just gotten some very large pumpkins for the fall season. I am a female.)

Customer: “Excuse me, is there a man working here who could help me out?”

Me: “Um, he’s somewhere around here. What did you need?”

Customer: “Well, I really want that big pumpkin, but it’s so heavy and I can’t lift it.”

Me: “Oh, I can get it for you!”

(The customer puts her hand on my arm to stop me as my male manager walks by.)

Customer: “You! Can you help me with this pumpkin?”

Manager: “Are you kidding me?! She’s much stronger than I am!”

(I get the pumpkin into her cart with ease, and she doesn’t say a word to me.)

Me: “There you go, ma’am. Have a nice day!”

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(I take calls about various do-it-yourself products for lawn and garden and insect control.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Your product is defective!”

Me: “Okay, what product?”

Customer: “[Brand Name] weed and grass killer!”

Me: “Okay, what is the problem?”

Customer: “It killed my grass!”

Me: “Um, it is weed and grass killer.”

Customer: “Yes, but it doesn’t say good grass!”

Me: “You’re right. However, grass covers all grass types.”

Customer: “Well, it should say on the label it kills good grass.”

Me: “Actually, it does on the back. It lists all the grasses it kills, and your grass is listed.”

Customer: “Well, it should tell you to read the label before use!”

Me: “Actually, it does. See that stop sign on the back?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “And right after, it says read the entire label before use.”

Customer: “Well, it should say it on the front so I can see it!”

Me: “I’ll put your request into corporate…”

Customer: “Are you guys open on Saturday?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. We are open Monday through Friday from nine am to six pm.”

Customer: “Well, could you get someone to come in? I’m in a hurry and this really can’t wait all weekend.”

Me: “So, you want us to come in on our day off so we can work on your order?”

Customer: “Well, when you say it like that, you make me sound like I’m being a jerk.”

Related:
Off The Clock, Customer Block

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Customer: “My garbage disposal is clogged up.”

Me: “What is stuck in your garbage disposal?”

Customer: “A crystal ball.”

Me: “A what?”

Customer: “My crystal ball rolled off the counter and fell in my garbage disposal.”

Me: “You didn’t see that coming?”

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Me: “That’ll be [total]. Also, would you also like to make a donation to our water conservation fund?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It helps to save habitats for animals and–”

Customer: “But why would we need to pay for that? Water doesn’t run out. I’ve left my faucets on all day and water came out the whole time! And besides, I only drink coffee, not water.”

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