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We Wish You A Merry Saturnalia

, , , , , | Right | December 16, 2013

(I work in a local retail store while in high school and college. A week before Halloween, I notice a regular customer riding in one of our electric carts, staring at the Halloween costumes and props. She is there for some time. I decide to ask if she needs help.)

Customer: “St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle—”

(As a Catholic, I recognize she is praying.)

Me: “Ma’am, can I help you?”

Customer: “Only if you can replace all this evil with Christmas stuff.”

Me: “Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner. One more week!”

(The customer then goes into a rant about what Halloween means to Wiccans and pagans. Then she gives a thorough lesson in Tartarus and other mythologies. She invites me to help her host a Bible study for her good Christian neighbors, which is her alternative to dressing up and “worshipping demons.” By this time, my manager thinks I’m just goofing around and is coming towards me to say something. The customer stands up, grabs my arm, and raises it into the air while using her other arm to throw costumes, props, and wigs out into the aisle. My manager seems to understand what is happening. After getting her to stop protesting, he turns to me.)

Manager: “Thank you for not telling her about the origins of gift-giving on Christmas.”


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Someone’s Been Pumpkin At The Gym

, , , , | Right | December 28, 2012

(I work in a grocery store, and we’ve just gotten some very large pumpkins for the fall season. I am a female.)

Customer: “Excuse me, is there a man working here who could help me out?”

Me: “Um, he’s somewhere around here. What did you need?”

Customer: “Well, I really want that big pumpkin, but it’s so heavy and I can’t lift it.”

Me: “Oh, I can get it for you!”

(The customer puts her hand on my arm to stop me as my male manager walks by.)

Customer: “You! Can you help me with this pumpkin?”

Manager: “Are you kidding me?! She’s much stronger than I am!”

(I get the pumpkin into her cart with ease, and she doesn’t say a word to me.)

Me: “There you go, ma’am. Have a nice day!”


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Off The Clock, Customer Block, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | November 19, 2010

Customer: “Are you guys open on Saturday?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. We are open Monday through Friday from nine am to six pm.”

Customer: “Well, could you get someone to come in? I’m in a hurry and this really can’t wait all weekend.”

Me: “So, you want us to come in on our day off so we can work on your order?”

Customer: “Well, when you say it like that, you make me sound like I’m being a jerk.”

Related:
Off The Clock, Customer Block


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Second Thoughts About Second Sight

, , , , , , | Right | November 5, 2010

Customer: “My garbage disposal is clogged up.”

Me: “What is stuck in your garbage disposal?”

Customer: “A crystal ball.”

Me: “A what?”

Customer: “My crystal ball rolled off the counter and fell in my garbage disposal.”

Me: “You didn’t see that coming?”


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Espresso Yourself Can Cause A Latte Problems

, , , , , , | Right | August 6, 2010

Me: “That’ll be [total]. Also, would you also like to make a donation to our water conservation fund?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It helps to save habitats for animals and–”

Customer: “But why would we need to pay for that? Water doesn’t run out. I’ve left my faucets on all day and water came out the whole time! And besides, I only drink coffee, not water.”


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