Free Of Gluten, Free Of Thought, Part 4

, , , , | Right | August 10, 2015

(I clean houses for a living. This particular client is a little old lady wanting a once-off spring clean.)

Lady: “Would you like a tea or coffee?”

Me: “No, thank you, but I will take a glass of water if you are offering.”

Lady: “Sure! I will be right back.”

(She comes back with a glass of water and a slice of cake.)

Lady: “Would you like some cake? It’s really nice!”

Me: *eyeing it off* “Does it have gluten in it?”

Lady: “Oh, no! I don’t put any in my cakes. Try it; it’s really quite nice.”

Me: *not entirely convinced* “Did you put flour in it?”

Lady: “Of course I did… It’s a cake.”

Me: *sighing* “Flour has wheat in it; therefore, it has gluten in it. I’m gluten intolerant, sorry.”

Lady: “Are you sure?! It’s really very nice.”

Me: “I’m sure it’s quite lovely but it’s not worth the pain.”

Lady: “Are you sure?”

Me: *sigh* “Yes, I’m sure.”


This story is part of our Celiac Awareness Day roundup!

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Making Visit Number Two

| Right | July 17, 2015

(My job involves emptying the sanitary bins in women’s toilets, as well as replacing other hygiene-related matters. I’ve seen some random things left in bins, such as belts, cups, uneaten sandwiches etc. I arrive back at my yard when my boss comes up to me.)

Boss: “You’re going to have to go back to [Business] as they’ve just called saying one of their bins is full and smelling.”

Me: “It can’t be. I was there this morning.”

Boss: “I can only go by what they’ve said. Just unload the waste on your van and head over there, please.”

(I arrive on site, open up the bin, and immediately evacuate and call my boss.)

Me: “You’re not going to believe this, but someone’s actually pooped into the bin.”

Boss: “You’re joking?!”

Me: “Nope, just removed the lid and used it as a toilet.”

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An Interview You’d Rather Forget About

| Working | October 23, 2014

(I am looking for a job after being unemployed for two years while schooling. I get a call back from a maid service and the woman schedules an interview at a coffee house. I’m 100% sure I’m at the right one as it is the only one in the area. I show up to the interview 15 minutes early and find an empty coffee house. I wait for a half hour and no one dressed professionally comes in and no one tries to approach me. It would be obvious to the interviewer when she came in that I am her prospect as I’m the only one at the tables and the only one dressed professionally. It’s extremely obvious that I’m waiting for someone. I decide to call the company.)

Employee: “[Company]. This is [Employee]. How can I help you?”

Me: “Yes, I was scheduled for an interview with [Owner]. It was supposed to be fifteen minutes ago, but so far no one has showed up.”

Employee: “Oh, wow. Let me try to call her personal cell phone to see what’s going on and I’ll make sure someone calls you back.”

Me: *I make sure she has my number* “Thank you so much.”

(I continue to wait for another half hour to no avail so I decide to leave. I never receive a call back about the missing interviewer so I email the service explaining I had an interview and no one showed and to enquire why no one ever contacted me as they said they would. I quickly receive a reply.)

Co-Owner: “You did not get a call back because you were a ‘no-call, no-show’ at your interview.”

Me: “No, I showed up 15 minutes early and waited an hour. In fact 15 minutes after the interview was supposed to start I called [Company] and talked to [Employee] and she assured me that she would figure out why [Owner] had not arrived and call me back, which she never did.”

Co-Owner: “You were put down as a ‘no-call, no-show.’ That’s why we didn’t return your call.”

Me: “So, let me get this straight. I call and try to inform you that I am indeed there for my interview while my interviewer is not, but you won’t call me back because I wasn’t there?”

(It takes a while for the reply this time.)

Co-Owner: “[Owner] says you never showed up. Are you sure you were at the right place?”

Me: “100 percent positive. It’s the only [Coffee House] in the area and I was the only one sitting at the tables as well as the only one in professional dress. I do not appreciate the accusations when I myself called your company to inquire the whereabouts of [Owner]. I also have a receipt proving I was there 15 minutes early. [Owner] has wasted my time and money, both of which I have very little and could barely afford to drive to this interview.”

Co-Owner: “I suppose I can set up another interview as long as you don’t ‘no-call, no-show’ again.”

Me: “Don’t bother. Obviously you aren’t listening to me. I was not a ‘no-call, no-show.’ I have proof that I was there as well as a phone record of my attempted contact. I have no desire to work for a company that throws people under the bus before even receiving an interview. Obviously [Owner] forgot about my interview and lied about it.”

(A couple weeks go by and I receive another email.)

Co-Owner: “It turns out that [Owner] did forget your interview. Would you like me to set up another with her?”

Me: “I have already expressed how I feel about working for your company. Please do not contact me again.”

(I got two more interviews within a week of the first missed one and by the time I got that last email I had already been hired for a much better job.)

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Some Coworkers Are Best Clean And Not Heard

| Working | July 8, 2013

(I work for a housecleaning company, and the boss has just hired the son of a friend to work on my cleaning team. Unfortunately, although he has a good attitude, he’s having trouble getting his work up to our standards.)

Me: “Hey [coworker], remember to vacuum under the bed at this house. They complained last time!”

(Later…)

Me: “Dude, I just checked your work, and there are a ton of dust bunnies under the bed.”

Coworker: “Oh man, really? I tried to vacuum under there. I thought I got it. How can you even tell I missed some?”

Me: “Um. I got down on my hands and knees and looked under the bed?”

Coworker: *completely sincere* “Wow, that’s really smart! I wouldn’t have thought of that!”

(He did not improve, and I ended up getting fired for “being rude” to him. Now I run a five-star cleaning company of my own and my former boss’s online reviews are in the toilet!)

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Not Sooted To That Service

, , , , | Right | November 25, 2010

(A customer calls asking if we would come and inspect her chimney, as there is ‘an animal’ inside it ‘scratching around.’)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we’re not equipped to do that. If you like, I can suggest a local exterminator. Once the animal is gone, we’d be thrilled to come by and find how it’s been getting into your chimney and plug up the hole.”

Caller: “No, you’ve come out here and done this before. A couple times. I know you guys do this.”

Me: “Ma’am, we just don’t have any resources to remove live animals from chimneys.”

Caller: “But, if you come sweep it, won’t the animal come out? Like, when you clean?”

Me: “Well, yes, it may, but, if it comes out, it will be in your living room and it will be very angry and covered in soot.”

Caller: “Oh. What was that other place you mentioned again?”

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