(I work for a housecleaning company, and the boss has just hired the son of a friend to work on my cleaning team. Unfortunately, although he has a good attitude, he’s having trouble getting his work up to our standards.)

Me: “Hey [coworker], remember to vacuum under the bed at this house. They complained last time!”

(Later…)

Me: “Dude, I just checked your work, and there are a ton of dust bunnies under the bed.”

Coworker: “Oh man, really? I tried to vacuum under there. I thought I got it. How can you even tell I missed some?”

Me: “Um. I got down on my hands and knees and looked under the bed?”

Coworker: *completely sincere* “Wow, that’s really smart! I wouldn’t have thought of that!”

(He did not improve, and I ended up getting fired for “being rude” to him. Now I run a five-star cleaning company of my own and my former boss’s online reviews are in the toilet!)

(My brother is working very late on the computer. The cleaning lady comes in and a second later his computer turns off. She has taken out the plug to put in her vacuum cleaner.)

My Brother: “Hey, why did you pull my plug out?”

Cleaning Lady: “Vacuum cord doesn’t reach from out there. I do it every time and I always put it back in.”

My Brother: “But I was never in here using the computer when you did it.”

Cleaning Lady: “Oops.”

(A customer calls asking if we would come and inspect her chimney, as there is ‘an animal’ inside it ‘scratching around.’)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we’re not equipped to do that. If you like, I can suggest a local exterminator. Once the animal is gone, we’d be thrilled to come by and find how it’s been getting into your chimney and plug up the hole.”

Caller: “No, you’ve come out here and done this before. A couple times. I know you guys do this.”

Me: “Ma’am, we just don’t have any resources to remove live animals from chimneys.”

Caller: “But, if you come sweep it, won’t the animal come out? Like, when you clean?”

Me: “Well, yes, it may, but, if it comes out, it will be in your living room and it will be very angry and covered in soot.”

Caller: “Oh. What was that other place you mentioned again?”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “You guys clean my pool and I was wondering if you could do me a favor. Would you have your pool cleaner pick up my dry cleaning and bring it to my house when he comes to clean the pool?”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not a service we offer.”

Customer: “But it’s just right down the street.”

Me: “Ma’am, first of all we would need the ticket they give you to pick up your clothes. Have you thought about getting a personal assistant? I have the name of a company who–”

Customer: “FINE! I’ll just get the landscaper to do it!” *hangs up*

This story is part of our Outrageous Requests roundup!

Read the next Outrageous Requests roundup story!

Read the Outrageous Requests roundup!