What The *BEEP* Are You Talking About?

, , , , , | Friendly | July 25, 2019

(This is back in the days of landlines and touch-tone phones. For those of you unfamiliar with this technology, in our area of the US at least, after initiating a call, you could press the number buttons on a landline and the corresponding would sound in the earpiece of the person on the other end. Also, the longer you pressed, the longer the tone. I call my best friend and his sister answers. We’re all around the age of 14. I’m known for messing with my friend’s siblings…)

Friend’s Sister: *answers phone* “Hello?”

Me: *BEEP*

Friend’s Sister: “[My Name]?”

Me: *affirmative BEEP*

Friend’s Sister: “[Friend] isn’t here right now.”

Me: *sad BEEP*

Friend’s Sister: “I’ll have him call you when he gets back.”

Me: *happy BEEP*

Friend’s Sister: “Bye.”

Me: *BEEP*

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Unfiltered Story #102203

, , , | Unfiltered | December 28, 2017

(I work at a well-known national pizza delivery chain here in my hometown. I am a pizza delivery driver, but the following was repeated to me by my manager during the noon shift.)

Manager: “Thank you for calling [business and location], would you like to try our [current special]?”

Customer: “Uh…no. Actually, I have a question.”

Manager: “Sure, go ahead.”

Customer: “Do you guys get a lot of stoners as customers?”

Manager: *dumbfounded for a few seconds* I suppose that we do. May I ask why?

Customer: “Well, I ordered a pizza from you guys a day ago. One of your drivers delivered a messed up pizza, and I requested for a remake. Another driver delivered the pizza; however, I’m pretty certain that he reported me to the police.”

Manager: “One of our drivers? Are you certain?”

Customer: “Yeah. He managed to catch a glimpse of a lot of medicinal weed sitting on my table before he left. After that, the police came raiding in to search the place! Child protective services also came in; trying to take my kid away!”

Manager: “Uhh….”

(The call did not last much longer. After a little investigating on our end, the driver responsible did admit to calling the police as a show of “doing the right thing.” As for the customer, there was not much my manager could do to make up for the whole mess, except offer him a free pizza, which he gladly accepted!)