No Trend Towards Blend

, , , , , | Working | April 20, 2018

(My husband and I decide to try a new independent coffee shop that everyone keeps talking about. It is a hot summer day, and I usually don’t order blended coffee drinks, but the shop has a large selection that sound good and a sign advertising them as a great way to cool down in the heat and humidity. It is around one in the afternoon, so it’s not right after opening and not anywhere near closing, and the shop isn’t busy.)

Barista: “Hi, welcome to [Coffee Shop]. What can I get started for you? Our blended drinks are great for this weather.”

Me: “Yes, they sound perfect. I’ll try the [Blended Drink].”

Barista: “Oh, well, I’ll have to get the blender out.”

(The barista stares at me. I stare at her. After several more seconds of uncomfortable staring…)

Me: “Well, I guess I’ll just have an iced latte.”

Barista: “Great! I’ll get that started. Next time, you really should try one of our blended drinks!”

Me: “…”

Unfiltered Story #107409

, , , | Unfiltered | March 19, 2018

I was working the line and a customer comes and asks ”what kind of beans are the black beans?” And as politely as possible I say “uh… Black beans?”

Capitalism: The Charity Loophole

, , , , , | Right | January 28, 2018

(I work in the outlet store for a very popular clothing brand. We have just started a donation drive for a local charity, and as it is the first time we’ve ever done this, we are still working through some of the issues with it. The way we are raising money is by offering a ten-dollar discount whenever a customer makes a donation of any amount. We have one couple on the first day of donations who realizes that if they buy a ten dollar shirt and donate a dollar it will essentially only cost them a dollar. After realizing, this they come back several times, all to different cashiers, before we catch on. For this reason, we have decided to limit the number of discounts to two per person. The following exchange takes place the next day.)

Coworker: *over walkie* “Hey, I think the same couple who bought all those shirts yesterday is in here again.”

Manager: “Really? Are you sure?”

Coworker: “Yeah. They’re literally wearing the exact same outfits as yesterday. And they brought friends this time.”

Manager: “Okay. Just keep an eye out when they come up to the register, and don’t let them do more than two transactions.”

(About half an hour later, they end up at my register with arms full of clothing.)

Customer #1: “Hi. I’d like to ring all of these items up separately and put a donation on each.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but we are actually only allowed to let each person do two transactions a piece.”

Customer #1: “Really? I was in here yesterday and I was able to do more than that.”

Me: “Yes. Unfortunately, we had too many people abusing our donation system, and we are no longer allowed to split transactions in order to add the discounts.”

(The group of customers then spends several minutes trying to convince me otherwise but eventually leaves to regroup. When they come back, all four of them line up separately with two items a piece, and I end up ringing them out again. Although they still continue to argue with me about the two-transaction rule, they eventually pay for their purchases and leave. About two hours later, the two women from the group return, giggling, thinking we won’t remember them. They eventually end up back in line, and I time it out so that they end up with me as their cashier again.)

Customer #2: *as I begin ringing all of their items together* “Oh, no. I want you to ring up each item separately, and add a dollar donation to each.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’ve already used your two donation discounts for the day.”

Customer #2: *dumbfounded that I actually remembered them* “Oh. I wasn’t aware that was how it worked. I don’t want any of it, then.”

Taking Cheap Shots

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 28, 2017

(I am part of a club fencing team at my college, and we are usually very laid back about adult language and jokes, but we have gone to a practice that also includes kids as young as eight, so we are all trying to watch our mouths. We are running a drill in which we try to score points in specific places on the opponent’s body. I am fencing with the assistant coach.)

Coach: “Okay, I still need to get my arm shots and leg shot. Already got my body shots.”

(I smirk but manage not to make the obvious joke, mindful of the twelve-year-old three feet away. Later in the same fight, I push him to the end of the strip, but hesitate in going much further because of a wall right behind him, and he scores the touch on me.)

Me: “Yeah, I should have just kept going on that, but I didn’t want to knock you into the bookcase.”

Coach: “Wouldn’t have been the first time I got pushed into a wall.”

(Later, after a lot of the younger fencers have gone, the other college fencers join us in a corner to chat.)

Me: “Man, it is so weird not being able to swear after a point. And I am holding myself back from some of the jokes I want to make.”

Coach: *laughs* Yeah, I realized after I made the wall joke that it might have been a bit much.”

Me: “I think that one might have gone over their heads. But I was talking about the body shots. I had to bite my tongue on that one.”

(He laughs, but another fencer looks confused.)

Fencer #1: “Body shots? Yeah, he hit you in the chest; that was a body shot.”

Me: “No, but it sounded like he had body shots.”

Fencer #1: “What?”

Coach: *sighs a little and turns his back to the room of kids to face her* “Yes, but a body shot is also when someone pours a shot of alcohol down someone’s chest and then you lick it off them as it drips down.”

Fencer #1: *still very confused* “But… that’s not what we were doing.”

Coach: “Well, yes, but— Oh, never mind.”

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