Do Not Cross Him

, , , , | Friendly | September 14, 2019

(I attend a weekly Bible study class at my church. My fiancé isn’t always able to attend as he works various shifts but he is starting a job with regular hours soon.)

Leader: “It’s great that [Fiancé] will be able to come more often with his new job.”

Me: “Yeah, it will be. Fingers crossed! And everything else crossed, too!”

(The next meeting we both attend, and at the end, the leader takes my fiancé aside and they chat for about ten minutes. I assume it’s just a chat welcoming him and seeing if he needs anything. As we leave the church and walk towards the car, my fiancé looks really confused.)

Me: “What did [Leader] say to you?”

Fiancé: “He was asking me about my new job. He wanted to know if it was anything to do with spirits or the occult.”

Me: “What?! Why would he say that?”

Fiancé: “He said that you mentioned a ritual last week that was about crossing bones or something to make sure my job would be okay.”

(When I asked the leader about it, he said that “crossing” things had to do with the occult and I should have said, “God willing,” instead.)

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Minecrafting Some Good Questions

, , , | Learning | September 4, 2019

(I’m giving a guided tour to a group of kids, ranging in age from six to eight.)

Me: “The paintings on the walls were really impressive for the people back then, since they didn’t have TV or newspaper or even paintings of their own. This helped them picture the biblical stories they heard in the church.”

Kid: *raises hand* “Sooo… It’s like if you were playing Minecraft… or if you could play Minecraft… and then if you were really bad at it… then you would come to the church and like, watch and be better at it?”

Me: “Yes. I guess it’s like that.”

(I love that the kid managed to relate my explanation to something more familiar to him, but I was really curious where we would be going when we started from Minecraft. The kids were very inquisitive and asked many questions I had never had to answer. Other highlights were the kids debating why the church was made of wood if even their apartment blocks were made of stone — they were very sceptical of my explanation that wood was more affordable and easier to work with back in 1750s — one kid asking me how the windows were made, and yet another kid confessing to me that he was afraid that a wooden statue in the church would come to life and attack him.)

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Bet They Taught Him How To Tie His Shoes After That

, , , , , , | Related | August 28, 2019

When my son was three, he was in his Sunday School class and looked down to find his shoe was untied. His teacher apparently wasn’t paying very close attention to him because he couldn’t get the teacher’s attention to get his shoe tied. So, he wandered off to find Mom or Dad to fix the problem. 

He found me… playing bass on the platform for the worship service. Without a worry in the world, he wandered right up there to get his shoe tied. 

That set a few hundred people laughing and I was mortally embarrassed, but he got his shoe tied and then someone helpful got him back to his class.

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The Drums Of Life Keep On Swinging

, , , | Friendly | August 27, 2019

(My youngest son starts playing drums around age eleven. We get him lessons and he is doing quite well. By about age thirteen, he is the drummer for our church’s youth band. By the time he is almost fifteen, I think he is at least as good as our main service drummer, and I want more chances for him to play. I also feel like the main service drummer has little, if any, enthusiasm when playing. I approach the church’s music director.)

Me: “[Music Director], [Son] is getting pretty good. Any chance you can put him in rotation to play?”

Music Director: “Hmm… I don’t know. He’s only fourteen.”

Me: “Being nine didn’t stop you from playing in an orchestra.”

Music Director: “Okay, point taken. I’ll put him in every other month.”

Me: “Thank you.”

(Skip to the following Sunday early morning; my phone rings.)

Me: *groggily* “What’s up?”

Music Director: “Can [Son] play drums this morning?”

Me: “Sure.”

Music Director: “Um… and every Sunday?”

Me: “Huh? What happened?”

Music Director: “[Main Service Drummer]’s wife found him at his girlfriend’s house this morning.”

Me: “Oops.”

(My son became a welcome change for me as he was always happy and enthusiastic. As for the main service drummer, I can only hope he patched things up with his wife; I never saw him again.)

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Who Doesn’t Love Dragons?

, , , , , | Friendly | August 26, 2019

(I am a Christian attending a youth event at one of our sister churches along with my own small youth group. One of my friends from youth group, who is asexual, knows a girl who attends this sister church and is also at the event. She finds her and brings her over. We find a place to sit and make small talk over pizza for a while. My friend leaves to go get more punch and the other girl turns to me.)

Girl: “So, you’re ace?”

Me: *a little shocked because I haven’t said anything about it* “Um, yeah.”

Girl: *suspiciously* “Do you like dragons?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Girl: *slams hand on the floor* “EVERY ace person I’ve met likes dragons!”

(My friend came back and we talked about dragons and cake. I’m not sure which was funnier, the girl’s frustration or the fact that both dragons and cake are inside jokes in the ace community!)

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