Usually It Means The Opposite

, , , , | Learning | July 23, 2018

(At church camp one year, I’m a small group leader for the fourth- and fifth-grade girls. We get paired up with the boys for crafts and games. One day, when we’re doing the craft, this happens. They’re making something with beads, and each color represents something.)

Craft Leader: *holds up white bead* “Who knows what white stands for?”

Kids: “Purity.”

Craft Leader: “Does anyone know what purity means?”

Boy: “Is that when your start to grow hair, and your body starts changing and stuff?”

(Cue every adult in the room trying not to laugh.)

Some People Get A Second Coming

, , , , , | Working | July 6, 2018

(There is church up the street from us. I see their sign, and can’t stop laughing.)

Sign: “Easter comes once a year; do you?”

When In Love, There Is No “Maybe”

, , , , , | Romantic | June 13, 2018

(My 16-year-old sister and her boyfriend are sitting together before church. A young girl who is in the Sunday school class my sister teaches walks up to them. My sister is shy and very easily embarrassed.)

Girl: “Hi, [Sister]! Hey, who’s that?”

Sister: “Oh, this is [Boyfriend].”

Girl: “Oh, okay.” *pauses* “Wait, is he your boyfriend?

Sister: *blushing furiously* “Er… Yes.”

Girl: *delighted* “Are you in love with each other?”

Sister: “Uh… Um… Heh… I really don’t know how to answer that—”

(The girl reaches out and pats her on the shoulder.)

Girl: “You just say yes, or no!”

Drop The Mic, And Only The Mic!

, , , , | Friendly | June 11, 2018

(My church runs parent-child dedications where the family of an infant goes up to the altar and the pastor holds the baby and prays for them. This particular child is handed to him in an odd way, and he drops the microphone. Now he can’t pick it up, because he is cradling the child in both arms. There is an awkward pause, and a kind woman in the congregation hollers:)

Congregant: “Better the mic than the baby!”

Played Them Like A Boss

, , , , , , | Working | June 11, 2018

(My church does live-streams of the services, so they have cameras and sound booths. I want to intern in there, but I know they won’t let me without experience. There are two supervisors with equal power, but they generally never keep things straight with each other. I tell [Boss #1] that [Boss #2] said I could be an intern and tell [Boss #2] that [Boss #1] said that I could. Two months later, I put on my headset before the service starts and I can pick up on a conversation in the other room because the bosses left the microphone on. I hear this gem of a conversation:)

Boss #1: “Wow, [My Name] is picking up on this fast!”

Boss #2: “Yeah, I’m glad you hired her!”

Boss #1: “I thought you did?”

(I never got in trouble, but the awkward silence afterwards was amazing.)

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