Have Faith And You Will See

, , , , | Friendly | November 7, 2017

(My pastor is chatting with a lady who is blind.)

Lady: “I wish you would do more of the older songs. I don’t know the words to these newer songs.”

Pastor: “We have the words up on the screen.”

Lady: “Like I can see it.”

Saved The Best Joke For Last

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 2, 2017

My family used to have a friend that came to every family event that we invited him to. He was one of the funniest people I’ve ever known. He was funny, caring, and kind. The only problem with him was that he was always at least half-an-hour late. Every time we’d confront him on this issue, he would laugh it off, make a few jokes, and state, “At least I’m not late to my own funeral.”

A few years later, the friend was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given a life expectancy of a few weeks. He was also late to the appointment. When he passed, my family and his family both came together at a church for the service. We waited for nearly an hour, wondering why the funeral was taking such a long time to start, until the news came.

The hearse carrying his body got stuck in traffic due to an accident, causing the delay. After my dad passed the message, everybody looked at each other with the same thought.

He was late to his own f****** funeral.

Mother Of Bridezilla

, , , , | Friendly | September 28, 2017

I live in a small town, opposite a church. The road is very narrow, and my driveway is just across from the church entrance. I’ve had churchgoers park across my driveway, in my driveway, and even on my parking space on our premises, because they are too lazy to walk the 200 metres from the church parking lot, but this one time really took the cake.

I wanted to go to work and found a horse-drawn carriage blocking the road. Apparently there was a wedding going on and the bride wanted to leave the church in style. I still had some time, so I went back inside. Fifteen minutes later, the carriage was still there and no sign of the bride, so I asked the driver if he could move back a bit so I could get my car out of the driveway. He was really nice about it and started to manoeuvre the horses backward, when suddenly the bride’s mother came running out of the church. She started screaming at me that I was ruining her daughter’s wedding. She kept yelling and cursing, telling me that I would go to Hell for being such a spiteful, inconsiderate b****.

I was running late by now, so I just got in my car and drove off, and she was still in the middle of the road screaming when I turned the corner.

I know weddings are stressful, but jeez, lady! Relax!

Unfiltered Story #94397

, | Unfiltered | September 23, 2017

(I’m was in the church lobby waiting for my mom to pick me up. I had brought a large pan of chocolate cake squares for the potluck and I still had some leftover. As this guy is walking out he looks over at the pan)

Guy: Hey! Mind if I take a brownie?
Me: Sure.
(He grabs a large square and starts to eat it)
Guy: Wow this is a really good brownie!
Me: Thanks but it’s actually chocolate cake.
Guy:(After spilling some crumbs on his shirt) This is a really crumbly brownie.
Me: Well it’s a bit more crumbly since it’s a cake.
Guy: This brownie is really good and fluffy. It’s almost like a cake.
Me:….. yeah.
(Thankfully, my mom arrived at that moment)
Me: Well that’s my ride, have a good day.
Guy: Bye and thanks for the brownie!
(Note that I excluded ten minutes of this conversation in which he talked about the differences between desserts. Specifically brownies and cakes!)

A Weird Beard Exchange

, , , , , , | Friendly | September 22, 2017

I regularly played guitar on Sunday mornings with the music team at my church, and had for many years at the time of this story.

This particular Sunday was during a period where I was in between jobs, and I had let my beard grow out for a couple months due to laziness, and a little curiosity.

An old lady that I recognized, but had never talked to before, came up to me after service. “Excuse me,” she said, “I was looking at you during worship today, and I was just thinking that you used to be such an attractive young man. I just wish you’d take better care of yourself.”

To this day, that has been the only exchange between that woman and me.

Page 1/2412345...Last
Next »