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There’s Madness In The Methodist

, | Durham, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money, Religion

(I’m working a pumpkin sale at our church. All proceeds go to “mission work,” which is hunger relief in town and in Haiti, providing poor students at local schools with needed supplies, and Habitat for Humanity. We sell about two tractor trailer loads a season at slightly higher than regular retail, and do a lot of good work with the proceeds.)

Customer: “You’ve got such great pumpkins here!”

Me: “Thank you, we’re proud of our patch. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Well, I like to make brandy out of pumpkins, so I’d like you to give me a discount on a big batch.”

Me: “Let me get this straight: you’re at a charity pumpkin sale at a church, and you’d like a moonshiner’s discount?”

Customer: *leaves in embarrassed silence*

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Thank Heaven For Customer Service

| Houston, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Religion

(I’m a part-time receptionist at my church and take a phone call.)

Me: “[Church], may I help you?”

Caller: “Hello! Who is the owner of your establishment, and may I speak with him, please?”

Me: “That would be God. May I put you through?”

Caller: *click*

Can’t Sweeten The Deal

, | Orlando, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I overhear a conversation in a café:)

Customer: “Hey! I just wanted to add some of your delicious flavored syrups to my coffee.”

Barista: You bought that coffee somewhere else.”

Customer: “Yeah, but you have better flavor syrups.”

Barista: “Well, I guess I can add some to your coffee. It will be 40¢ for each flavor. What would you like?”

Customer: “What? I just want the syrup.”

Barista: “I know but we did buy them, so I have to charge you something.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I came here just for your flavored syrup!”

Barista: “Maybe next time you can come here for your coffee and then get whatever you want added to it.”

Customer: “But [Other Coffee Shop] has better coffee!”

Has The Right Stuff But The Wrong Staff

| CA, USA | Theme Of The Month

(I spend a lot of my free time volunteering with my church ministry, and am often around as much as any of the actual paid staff members, so a lot of people start recognizing my face. However, since I am not on staff, I do not know a lot of information about the ongoing activities until they are announced to the public.)

Staff Member: “Hello, everyone. My name is [Staff Member], and I am [staff position] here at [Church]. Here are the announcements for the week…” *lists off announcements* “…and if you have any questions, you can come and talk to any of our staff members.”

Parishioner: *coming up to me* “So, can you tell me more about this announcement?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t know anything more about this than what was said during the announcements. The staff members know more. They are the ones wearing the big name tags.”

Parishioner: “But you always know what is going on! Why can’t you tell me?”

Me: “Thanks, but no, I really don’t know any more about this than you do.”

(One day I get a call that none of the staff members would be around to make the announcements during the coming weekend’s service, and asked me to take care of it. During the next service:)

Me: “Hello, everyone. My name is [My Name], and I am only pretending to be a staff member at [Church]. Here are the announcements for the week…” *lists off announcements* “…and if you have any questions, you can find me afterwards and I will do my best to continue to impersonate a staff member.”

(It takes a couple minutes for everybody to stop laughing. Amazingly enough that was the last week people came up to me to ask me questions!)

Actions Are Totally Out Of Order

| Wichita, KS, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(It is near the end of my shift and I am cleaning the bathrooms in my section. The only event currently going on is being held at the other end of the building; there are two other sets of bathrooms and several closed doors between the event and my area. Nonetheless, out of habit, I have put up the “CLOSED FOR CLEANING” sign in the doorway of the women’s bathroom. It’s a bright yellow sign, on a bright yellow safety bar, that is at chest level so that people can’t just walk underneath it. I have just finished cleaning the mirrors and sinks. As I turn away from the mirrors, a woman walks in.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but this bathroom is closed.”

Woman: “What? Why?”

Me: “Because I’m cleaning it.”

Woman: “Well, you should have a sign up!”

Me: “Uh, I do. Right across the doorway”

Woman: “Well, that doesn’t apply to me! I have to go!”

Me: “Are you with the group on the other side of the church?”

Woman: “YES! Now let me use the bathroom!”

Me: “Ma’am, you would have had to pass by two other bathrooms on the way down here. Those were much closer to your event.”

Woman: “I wanted to use this one!”

(My bathrooms aren’t that special; they’re the oldest bathrooms in the building. The ones by her event are much nicer and had been renovated only a year ago. One toilet in my bathroom is also out of order, while we wait for a back-ordered part to come in.)

Me: “All right, fine.”

(She tries to go into the stall with the big ‘OUT OF ORDER’ sign. The stall is locked AND taped shut, since people had been ignoring the sign most of the week and unlocking the stall. Thus far, the tape had deterred them.)

Woman: “Why can’t I get in here?! I want in! I have to go!”

Me: “Ma’am, that stall is out of order. The toilet doesn’t work. That’s why there’s a sign and the door is taped shut. There are seven other stalls that are just fine.”

Woman: *huffing* “FINE!”

(I go out to my cart to take inventory of what I need to restock before I leave, while I wait for her to finish. A few minutes later, she comes barreling out, knocking my sign out of the doorway.)

Woman: “Your toilet is broken!” *storms off down the hall*

(I rolled my eyes, put the sign back, and went to clean whichever toilet she used, figuring she had probably gotten the one with the finicky flusher. She hadn’t. What she had done was unlock the out of order stall and ripped the tape down… and then ripped down the out of order sign, tossed it in the toilet, and urinated and defecated on it. I had to call my shift supervisor down to turn the water back on to that toilet so I could clean it, which left me with a flooded floor from the huge leak that had necessitated closing that toilet in the first place.)

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