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As A Rule Of Crumb

, , , , | Related | January 17, 2014

(I am babysitting. My little nephew wants what he calls a “yellow biscuit”: a type of cracker made from corn, so it is a light yellow colour.)

Nephew: “Auntie, can I have a yellow biscuit, please?”

Me: *being a bit silly* “Yes, I’ll get one for you. Does Mummy have yellow biscuits in the cupboard or do we need to get the crayons and colour one in?”

Nephew: “We’ve got lots. They’re in that tin.” *very solemnly* “You aren’t allowed to draw on biscuits. It’s a rule!”


This story is part of our Crayon Roundup!

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Flaky To The 9th Degree

, , , | Right | April 18, 2011

Customer: “Two supremes, please.”

Me: “Okay, and what type of crust?”

Customer: “Oh, that nice one. I had it the other day. It was thin and very yummy.”

Me: “Thin and crispy?”

(The customer starts making hand gestures, pinching her thumb and forefinger together.)

Customer: “It was thin and yummy. We had it the other day.”

Me: “We have a thin crust. Is that it?”

Customer: “That must be it.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $23.80.”

Customer: “What? That much?”

Me: “Yes, they’re $11.90 each.”

Customer: “They were only $8 each the other day.”

Me: “Was it a flaky base? We had a promotion for that, but it ended yesterday.”

Customer: “Yes! That was it. But it said it was until the end of the month.”

Me: “The promotion ended yesterday.”

Customer: “But it said until the 31st.”

Me: “I’m sorry. What said that?”

Customer: “The piece of paper.”

Me: “Oh, was it a coupon?”

Customer: “Uh… yes.”

Me: “I can’t give you the discount without the code on the coupon.”

Customer: “Oh. Hang on. Try 54261.”

Me: “No, that didn’t work.”

Customer: “Oh, there was another one. I think it had a 9 in it.”

Me: “I need the whole code.”

Customer: “It had a 9.”

Me: “I can’t do anything without the code.”

Customer: “But it had a 9!”


This story is part of our Demands For Discounts roundup!

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Church At The Checkout

, , , , | Right | January 27, 2011

(A customer and her young daughter come up to my register.)

Me: “Hi there! How are you going?”

Mother: “I’m good, thanks!”

(Her daughter spots the sponge we use to make the bags easier to open.)

Daughter: “It’s the sponge! The sponge of baptism!”

Me: *speechless*

Daughter: “The sponge of baptism!” *places finger on sponge and wipes her forehead*

Mother: “We’re not even religious…”


This story is part of the Worryingly Weird Checkout Encounters roundup!

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Feline Felony

, , , , | Right | July 6, 2010

(I am finishing my break and heading back to the checkout. A woman frantically calls me over and asks me if she’s allowed to take a free cat food sample, and I tell her yes. About ten minutes later she comes through my lane, with fifty or more cat food samples stuffed down her top, cradled in her arms, and in her handbag.)

Me: “I’m sorry, the free samples are one per customer.”

Customer: “I was just picking some up for my friends.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but your friends will have to come and pick up their own sample.”

(She sighs and throws all the samples that she was holding in her arms onto my checkout.)

Me: “You also have a lot more of our samples down your top and in your bag. You can’t have those ones, either.”

Customer: “How dare you! I will have you know that I am currently eight months pregnant!”

Me: “I told you that you could have a free sample ten minutes ago, and you weren’t pregnant then.”

Customer: “Oh, s***!”

(She emptied all the samples from down her top onto the floor and sprinted from the store, trailing escaped samples from her handbag as she went.)


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