Doctor’s Note Versus Musical Note

, , , , , , , | Learning | January 10, 2018

(I’m a senior and in the top audition-only choir at my school. It’s near Christmas, and I have come down with a nasty case of the flu. My doctor has ordered me to stay home for at least a week. My mom drops by the school with a doctor’s note, as I’m so sick I can’t drive. She runs into the office while I stay in the car. She comes back out with a frown on her face.)

Mom: “[Choir Director] wants to see you.”

(I’ve got a fever of 103, so I’m very out of it.)

Me: “Huh?”

Mom: “He wants to see you. He left word with the office that he doesn’t want a note; he wants to see you, personally. Something about missing two performances. He wants proof you’re really sick.”

Me: “But I’m sick. And I’m in my PJ’s.”

Mom: “I know, honey. I’ll walk with you.”

(I slowly shuffle to the choir room. I open the door, and am greeted by the shocked faces of my classmates. The director drops his sheet music and books it over to me.)

Director: “You’re sick. You’re actually really sick. What are you doing here?”

Mom: “You told the office you wanted to see her. Here she is.”

Director: “No, no. I didn’t—”

Mom: “Yes, you did. You told the front office that you wanted to see her, because you wanted to make sure she was really sick.”

Director: “Okay, I did say that. But so many students lie about being sick, and I just wanted to make sure that she was actually sick. I believe you. You ladies can go home.”

Mom: “We have a doctor’s note. You always tell them to bring one in if they can’t sing.”

Director: “Ah… no. That’s not necessary—”

(Normally, I’m very quiet and well-behaved, but I’ve lost all patience.)

Me: “I had to drag myself out of the car to come in here and present myself to you. YOU ARE TAKING THIS DOCTOR’S NOTE! Have I ever missed a performance in three years of singing for you?! NO! Why would I lie about missing one now?”

(He takes the note. My mom gently guides me toward the door.)

Director: “I… ah… really do hope you feel better.”

Me: *under my breath* “I hope you get all my flu germs.”

(One of my friends, who was sitting near the door, snorted. I went home. The director didn’t talk directly to me for a month.)

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Maybe Had Too Much Water Wine

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 11, 2017

(I am at my school’s choir practice. Our instructor is going over the alto part for a section of a song and no one is getting it right.)

Teacher: “Come on, guys. Make it sexy!” *noticing our looks* “What? Gospel can be sexy.”



(Cue an uproar from everyone else.)

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That’s A No To Option Number One And Option Number Two

| Learning | May 27, 2017

(Our choir director has lost most of her accent, but English isn’t her first language and sometimes it shows. We have an “Earth Day”-themed concert coming up.)

Director: “I still haven’t decided on the name for next month’s concert yet. Something about the Earth. ‘Earth Music,’ maybe? Send me your ideas if you have any. Oh, how about ‘The Call of Nature?’ That could work…”

(Finally someone managed to stop giggling long enough to explain why we wouldn’t want that particular title — although it would probably get more people to look at our flyers!)

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Shut Your Glorious Mouth

| Learning | December 20, 2016

(We are conducted by a very intelligent and capable person who responds well to questions. One day…)

Conductor: “[My Name], you looked concerned during rehearsal. Did you have a question?”

Me: “Oh, don’t mind me. It is nothing.”

Conductor: “Is it about the music?”

Me: “Yeah, actually. The score translates the Latin as ‘I will proclaim your glory.’ But the verb is third person singular in the future tense and refers to the word for mouth that is its antecedent. So there’s no way it means ‘I will proclaim your glory.’ It has to say ‘the mouth will proclaim your glory,’ referring back to ‘open my mouth, lord.’”

(After a flabbergasted moment in which the conductor seems to not know how to respond to my grammar obsession, another student pipes up.)

Student: “Don’t feel bad. She took three years of Latin.”

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D-Grade For Maturity

, | Learning | September 24, 2015

(We just received our notes from a festival my choir participated at. We had a song which had a high D (the note) the basses could not reach. The adjudicator had a suggestion for them.)

Adjudicator: “In measure three of [Song], basses need more mouth space on the D.”

(The entire choir burst out laughing.)

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