Think Before You Compliment Ink

, , , , | Right | February 4, 2019

(I work in a chocolate shop in my local shopping centre, and every so often I have to stand outside with a tray of samples and vouchers to give customers. One day, in the middle of the day, a guy with a super cool tattoo of interlocking geometric shapes comes up to where I am with the tray.)

Me: “There’s your chocolate, sir. By the way, I really love your tattoo! It’s very cool.”

Customer: “Thanks, it was the first tattoo I got, actually.” *pauses for a second* “Hey! I got an awesome tattoo the other day. Here; let me show you!”

Me: “Sir, that’s not necessa—“

(The man then turned around and pulled down his pants — in the middle of a crowded shopping centre — to show me a large tattoo of a woman’s face right on his butt. I don’t hand out samples outside anymore.)

Canadian Christmas Customers Cause Baggage About Bags

, , | Right | December 23, 2018

(I work at a very popular and well-known Canadian chocolate and ice cream shop. It’s four days before Christmas, and we are bombarded, as usual. As such, we’re running low on our paper bags because people keep wanting to use them as gift bags. Bear in mind that we sell and pack custom gift bags for a dollar-ish. They just want to be cheap and I’m tired of it. I overhear the following between my coworker and a customer who has purchased nearly 15 boxes.)

Customer: “Can I have one box in each bag? They’re going to different people.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have enough.”

Customer: “What?”

Coworker: “I don’t have enough of the small bags, but I can fit two in each one, instead.”

Customer: “How does [Store] run out of bags at Christmas?!”

Me: “Because customers keep asking for them to use as gift bags and leave us without. Have a nice day!”

Complaining Is In Some People’s DNA

, , , | Right | March 8, 2018

(I work for an up-brand mass-market chocolatier. The company has café stores and non-café stores. I was the head barista for two years in a café store, but at this point I am a senior sales in a non-café.)

Guest: “I bought your hot chocolate and I don’t like it.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Can I ask how you’ve been making it? That sometimes affects the taste.”

Guest: “I’ve done it every way. Whenever I come in they tell me something different.”

(I list the ways you could make it and he nods along, the response being, “No, I didn’t like that way.”)

Me: “The only other option, sir, would be to use a pressure wand, like a milk-foamer on a coffee machine.”

Guest: “That’s ridiculous! I’m not forking out money for a product I’ve already bought!”

Me: “I understand, sir, but there isn’t any other way I can think of to help you. If you have the product or the receipt, I can refund or exchange.”

Guest: “I don’t want to do that! Can’t you just make it here?”

Me: “This isn’t a café store, sir; we don’t have those facilities.”

Guest: “Well, what are you going to do about it?!”

Me: “If you have the receipt or the product, I can give you a full refund. Other than coming to your house and making it for you, there’s nothing I can do at this juncture.”

Guest: “Come to my house, then.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not prepared to do that. I—”

Guest: “You clearly don’t care about your job, then!”

(He stormed off. Apparently the same guest comes in about once a month and complains about not liking a particular product, but never buys anything in-store or has the product or receipt. Some people just like to complain.)

You Need Something? Shoot!

, , , , , , | Working | October 2, 2017

(I manage a chocolate shop. I have the weirdest, but most upbeat employees ever. One night, three police men walk in with full gear on.)

Head Police Officer: “We need to ask you a question.”

(One of my employees and I do the wide eyed “Oh, crap; which law did I break!” look.)

Me: “Sure. What’s up?”

Head Police Officer: “We are running a shooting drill in a week, and we need volunteers for it. You would just pretend to be running around or shot.”

Me: “THAT SOUNDS AWESOME!” *I stop and clear my throat.* “I’ll ask my employees and get back to you. Free samples?”

(All of my employees stayed late or showed up on their day off to do it. We didn’t get paid extra, but it was wicked fun to trade roles, calling 911, acting dead, or running and screaming through the mall.)

They’re Acting Bitter About The Sweet

, , , , , | Right | May 31, 2017

(I work for a high quality chocolatier in England. Our products are pricey due to the amount of cocoa we use, which is the most expensive ingredient. The shop is in central London so our clientele don’t tend to notice the prices. I’m at the till when I’m approached by a man who looks like every other client. He has a few reasonably priced items so I scan them through:)

Me: “That will be £35.50, please.”

Customer: “£35! For that!?”

Me: “Yes, sir, is that a problem?”

Customer: “But it’s just chocolate!”

Me: “You’re not wrong, sir, but prices for cocoa are very high and we use more in our products than any other chocolatier.”

Customer: “Surely you have discounts you could give me?”

Me: “I’m afraid not, sir. I can’t discount perfectly good products. You wouldn’t happen to work for the NHS or the police?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “Great! That entitles you to a 20% discount. Can I see your work pass?”

Customer: “Oh… I don’t have one… I thought you’d just believe me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t include a discount without a reason.”

Customer: “You can’t reject my sale! This store is so quiet. You need my business.”

Me: “Actually, sir—” *I bring up our sales tracker* “—we’re £200 over our budget today. It’s only quiet because it’s night time. And I’m not rejecting your sale; you’re rejecting our prices. Would you like me to help you find some cheaper alternatives?”

(He just grumbles and pays for his items, storming out past another customer who had been waiting patiently behind him.)

Customer #2: “Some people are just miserable, aren’t they?”

(I total their order up.)

Me: *to next guest* “That’ll be £15.”

Customer #2: *confused* “But the price says £30?”

Me: “I know, but you didn’t ask for a discount so I gave you my 50% off. Have a great day!”

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