You’re The Stinkiest Person To Ever Stay In That Room

, , , , | Right | October 11, 2018

(I work in a motel.)

Guest: “I don’t like my room and would like a new one.”

Me: “What was wrong with the room?”

Guest: “It’s a handicap room.”

Me: “Oh, so, you don’t like the additional handicap stuff?”

Guest: “No, I don’t like the smell. Everyone knows that handicapped people smell because they can’t take care of themselves.”

(I know that the room has recently been renovated.)

Me: “Well, actually—”

Guest: “WELL, IT’S TRUE! Give the room to someone else! Let it be their problem.”

Taxing Taxiing

, , , , , | Right | October 11, 2018

(I answer phones for a taxi service.)

Caller: “I’d like to go to the liquor store.”

Me: “Okay, are you ready to be picked up right now?”

Caller: “WHAT?! You’re already here and ready to pick me up right now?!”

Me: “No, no, no, no! I’m asking you what time you’d like to go to the liquor store.”

Caller: “Hehe… You’re a funny guy. You tricked me, you sneaky guy, you.”

Me: “If you’re ready to be picked up right now—”

Caller: “But I don’t see the cab.”

Me: *pause* “The cab will be over in about ten minutes.”