Don’t Even Have A Name For This Problem

, , , | Right | July 31, 2020

I work at a welfare office, where we’re the main administration for a debit card for food purchases for the country. The country is divided into regions that handle the actual clients. We’re more like the mothership to their battleships, but sometimes clients come directly to my office to complain.

A man storms into the office.

Man: “Where’s my d*** card?”

Me: “Ah, good morning, sir. What seems to be the problem?”

Man: “Are you deaf?! Where. Is. My. D***. Card?!”

Me: “Oh, I heard you the first time, sir. What I mean is, what’s the specific problem? Have you lost your card? Has it been stolen? Have you not received your card?”

Man: “I have been waiting for months for this card. Now the temporary one is expired. How am I supposed to buy food?!

Me: “Okay, sir, what region are you from?”

He says he’s from the region furthest south from the Head Office.

Me: “Okay. Do you have any ID, and the name of the officer you dealt with when you made your application?”

Man: “I’m not telling you that. Just do your job and give me my card.”

Me: “Well, sir, I can’t pull your specific file if I don’t know which officer is dealing with it. That means I wouldn’t be able to give you specific feedback on the status of your card.”

Man: “I don’t care. Months, girl. Months.”

Me: “Okay… Well, did you check with the regional office?” 

Man: “Do I look stupid? No! You’re the head office. Obviously, the card would be here.”

Me: “Actually, no, sir. When the cards are delivered from the manufacturer, they are sorted by region and automatically delivered to the region. Even if it was here, we couldn’t give it to you, because your social worker would have to activate it at the regional office.”

Man: “Don’t lie to me.”

Me: “No, sir, I’m not. If you give me the name of your officer, I could call to check if it’s waiting for collection.”

Man: “God d*** it, are you f****** deaf? I’m not telling you that.”

Me: “Okay. As I can’t check on your individual application, perhaps the problem could be with the manufacturer. See, sir, we’ve recently switched manufacturers, so there’s a bit of a backlog in the actual creation of the card.”

Man: “Who’s making the cards? I will go make them make my card.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I can’t give you that information. You really should check with your social worker, if you decline to give me your name. Without it, I can’t actually help you.”

Man: “TELL ME! YOU DON’T KNOW WHO YOU’RE DEALING WITH!”

Me: “I know, sir. You won’t even give me your name.”

The man continues bellowing about “dealing with me” and bawling ominously that “we don’t know who we’re dealing with” before he storms out, still ranting. I look at my coworkers who just blink at me.

Coworker: “I would’ve told him to f*** off ages ago.”

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Sometimes People Forget Things — Like How To Be Nice

, , , , | Working | May 15, 2020

I’m at the pharmacy of an organization that sells medications for specific conditions at a slightly lower price than regular pharmacies. Most of the employees are friendly, or at least polite, but this day is a little different.

Employee: “How can I help you?”

Me: “I need to buy some medications. My ID number is [number].”

Employee: “[My Name]?”

Me: “Yep!”

Employee: “Okay, so, you need [Medication #1], right? That’s the only one on here.”

Me: *Thinking* “Oh, no… I forgot again!”

Employee: “Because the prescription for [Medication #2] is expired—”

I’m about to say, “Oops, I forgot.”

Employee: “—so did you remember or did you not even do anything about it?”

He does not say this in a friendly tone. He isn’t joking or anything. It seems pretty harsh.

Me: “Umm… Okay, I’ll come back later.”

I left and texted my doctor to get another script. She wrote it up quickly and I was able to get the medication the same day, luckily from a different employee. It wasn’t like he yelled at me or anything; I was just really surprised at how judgemental he seemed, especially considering the issues that my medications are usually used to treat. Sigh.

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Sometimes It’s Not About Content; It’s About Aesthetic

, , , , , | Romantic | March 29, 2020

(I’m going through a breakup-song phase. It has nothing to do with my feelings for my boyfriend; I just really like the songs. My boyfriend, apparently, does not approve. He only speaks Spanish, so he’ll often ask me to translate the songs I’m listening to in English. Keep in mind that these conversations are all in good humor.)

Boyfriend: “What’s that song about?”

Me: “Breakups.”

Boyfriend: *laughing* “[My Name]! You can’t listen to that!”

(Later:)

Boyfriend: “What are you listening to?”

Me: “It’s a song about how [Artist] is moving on from their breakup. It’s really goo–“

Boyfriend: “[My Name]! Why are you listening to this stuff?”

Me: *laughing* “It doesn’t have anything to do with you, I promise! I just really like [Artist]’s style!”

(Later that week:)

Boyfriend: “What’s that song about?”

Me: “Umm…”

Boyfriend: “[My Name]!”

Me: *laughing* “What?”

(Later:)

Boyfriend: *suspiciously* “What are you listening to now?”

Me: “Well, it’s about a guy who keeps having failed first dates, but he’s–“

Boyfriend: “Oh, for heaven’s sake! What is wrong with you?”

Me: “No, no! Wait! It’s about failed first dates, not relationships, and how [Artist] has decided to keep trying! He’s really looking for love! It’s a positive song, I promise!” *laughing* “And it’s not about breakups!”

Boyfriend: *pause* “Yeah, I still think that’s about breakups.”

Me: *facepalm*

(Luckily, I was nearing the end of my breakup-song phase!)

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He’s About To Go Old Testament On Their A**es

, , , , , | Related | December 7, 2019

(I’m with my family watching a funny TV show about a ridiculous, hyper-observant guy that pretends to be a psychic in order to help the police. His best friend is a much more respectful, grown-up character. While solving a case, they come across a Bible and the main character, who is hilariously sacrilegious, throws it over his shoulder to get it out of the way. A terrific conversation ensues between the characters… and my father:)

Friend Character: “I can’t believe you did that!”

Main Character: “What? It doesn’t mean I don’t respect it.”

Friend Character: “Please. Have you ever even read the Good Book?”

Main Character: “Duh. Of course, I have.”

Friend Character: “Okay, fine. What are the first five books?”

(For those who don’t know, the first five books of the Bible are Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy.)

Main Character: “Uhhh… Genesis, Exorcist, Leviathan, Doooooo… the right thing?”

Dad: *pauses show* “Wait! He forgot Numbers!”

Me: “Really, Dad? As a pastor, the most important thing that you noticed was that he skipped one?”

Dad: *laughing* “Of course! That’s obviously the important part!” 

Family: “Okay, fine. What would you have said?”

Dad: *very focused* “Hmm… Let’s see… Genesis, Exorcist, Leviathan… Numerology!”

(I’m not sure if we actually finished watching the episode that night, and almost ten years later, it’s still a running joke!)

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Eye Zombie

, , , | Working | November 1, 2019

There is a makeup store near my house where you can make an appointment and someone will do your makeup. I have a wedding to go to, so I make one for thirty minutes at 3:00 pm. To be on time for the wedding, I have to leave my house at four.

I arrive a little early and a woman without an appointment arrives with me. They decide to work with her first because it isn’t 3:00 pm yet; it is like 2:56.

When, finally, someone starts with me, he keeps leaving me alone to attend customers. I keep telling him that I have to go by 3:30, but the time arrives and I’m not done.

At that moment, another customer enters the store and the guy doing my makeup leaves me again, but this time I stop him, telling that I really have to go. He then proceeds to make a disaster of my eyes, and when I tell him it looks awful, he answers, “But you need to go; I don’t have time to fix it.”

And that’s why I looked like a zombie at my brother-in-law’s wedding.

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