Vocabulary, Meet Veracity

, , | Related | May 11, 2009

(I work at a daycare center and am teaching a room full of two-year-old children to memorize their parents’ or guardians’ names and home phone numbers.)

Me: “So, what’s your daddy’s name?”

Little Girl: “Robert!”

Me: “And what’s your mommy’s name?”

Little Girl: “Dammitjulia!”

(Needless to say, “Robert” had a little talking-to when he came to pick up his daughter.)

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They Start So Young

, , | Right | March 4, 2009

(A girl of about eight years old is staring longingly at the display of stickers we have by the cash register.)

Girl: “I’d love to have some of these stickers, but I don’t have any money.” *sighs loudly*

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Girl: “So… are you going to give me some for free, or what?”

Me: “…”

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A.I.: Alarming Idiocy

, , , | Right | March 2, 2009

(I pick up a phone call transferred from our operator and hear what’s clearly a kid on the phone with parents in the background.)

Me: “Thanks for calling Burbank [Store], How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, my video game system stopped working. I want you to fix it.”

Me: “Well, what seems to be the problem with the system?”

Customer: “There’s red lights on it. Is that those ‘rings of death’?”

Me: “The red lights are kind of an error message. When did purchase the system?”

Customer: “It’s, like, a year old.”

Me: “Did you purchase our protection plan?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, you’d have to contact customer service for that manufacturer to see if they would still cover the product.”

Customer: “Oh, I bought it at [Competitor]. Would I call them? Could they fix it? I don’t want to talk to the robots!”

Me: “Yeah, if you bought it at another retailer you should probably either contact them or the manufacturer–”

Customer: *interrupting* “I said no robots; I don’t want to talk to the robots!”

Me: “Okay… you can file a claim on the manufacturer’s website, or call the retailer you actually purchased the system from. There’s nothing I can really do for you if you didn’t purchase it through our store.”

Customer: *whining* “I don’t want to talk to the robots! I’ll have my mom call the robots.” *hangs up*

Me: “…”

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Not So Dead She Can’t Come Back And Wring Your Neck

, | Right | February 24, 2009

(A dad and two little kids — one boy and one girl — are buying books. Both of the kids are paying with gift cards.)

Customer: “…and you have your late great-grandma Miriam to thank for all these books!”

Customer’s Little Boy: *happily, to coworker* “She’s DEAD!”

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Do As I Shout, Not As I Do

, , , , | Right | February 16, 2009

Supervisor: “Well, it says here that you have five books that are overdue. Would you like to renew them?”

Patron: “What do you mean, overdue?”

(The supervisor shows the patron the overdue titles on the monitor.)

Patron: “We returned those books! I can’t believe this kind of stuff happens! What kind of library is this anyway?”

Patron’s Young Child: “But, Papa, I saw one of the books at home, remember? In the–”

Patron: “Shut UP!”

(Ironically, one of the books he claimed to have returned was, “Teaching Your Child Good Manners.”)

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