Do As I Shout, Not As I Do

, , , , | Right | February 16, 2009

Supervisor: “Well, it says here that you have five books that are overdue. Would you like to renew them?”

Patron: “What do you mean, overdue?”

(The supervisor shows the patron the overdue titles on the monitor.)

Patron: “We returned those books! I can’t believe this kind of stuff happens! What kind of library is this anyway?”

Patron’s Young Child: “But, Papa, I saw one of the books at home, remember? In the–”

Patron: “Shut UP!”

(Ironically, one of the books he claimed to have returned was, “Teaching Your Child Good Manners.”)

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On The Need For Male Role Models

, , | Right | September 7, 2008

(While standing in line for the bathroom at a resort, I overhear two young boys talking.)

Boy #1: “Why are the lines for the girl’s bathroom always longer? Is it because the boy’s bathroom has that special sink?”

Boy #2: “You mean the urinal?”

Boy #1: “Yeah. ‘Cause you can fit like five guys around it.”

Boy #2: “Or, if they’re skinny, you can fit seven or eight.”

Boy #1: “And if they’re FAT you can only fit two.”

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Must Be One Of Them Radioactive Horses

, | Right | August 18, 2008

Child: “I like this ride. I like horses but these ones aren’t real.”

Me: “Yup! Real ones are much bigger, probably twice as big as these horses.”

Child: “I rode one once!”

Me: “Really? That’s cool.”

Child: “Yeah. Real horses have eight legs.”

Me: “Oh. That’s… cool.”

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Kids, This Is What We Call “Scapegoating”

, , , | Right | August 5, 2008

Kid: “Mommy, I want this candy!”

Mom: “No, you can’t have the candy. Put it back.”

Kid: “I WANT THIS CANDY!”

Mom: “You can’t have it!”

Kid: “I WANT THIS CANDY!”

(At this point, the mom takes the candy from the kid and hands it to me.)

Mom: *points at me* “The bad man took the candy! You can’t have it because the bad man took it!”

Kid: *in tears* “Why did you take the candy?!”

Me: *speechless*


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Kids Say The Truthiest Things

, , , | Right | April 6, 2008

(Santa was visiting our store, and every kid got a small bag of candy. Then this happened…)

Santa: “Here you go, little boy!”

Kid: “Thank you, Santa!”

Mom: “Aren’t you forgetting anything?”

Kid: “What, mommy?”

Mom: “Ask Santa for another bag for your brother like I told you.” *looks at Santa* “He’s sick at home and couldn’t come.”

Santa: “No problem!” *reaches for another bag*

Kid: “But mommy, I don’t have a brother!”

Mom: “…”

Santa: *puts bag back*


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