Our stationery store is doing a back-to-school sale during the summer. A mother comes in with her young son.

Mother: “Let’s get you some nice pens and pencils for when you go back to school.”

Son: *Eyes wide* “Go… back?”

Mother: “Yes! For when you go back for Year Two.”

Son: “I just did a whole year! I thought that was it?!”

Mother: *Laughs* “No, dear, you need to go to school for a few years.”

Son: “How many?”

Mother: “Eleven.”

The little fellow contemplates this news for a moment before looking around the store.

Son: “I don’t think this place has enough pens.”

A mother drops off six under-twelves to watch a movie. After she leaves, they start causing tons of noise in the screen and running around the cinema like it is a playground. I have to throw them out after half an hour and call the mother.

Mother: *Complaining* “Why didn’t you control my kids? I paid for tickets for them to be supervised!”

Me: “We are not a daycare.”

Mother: “But where else can I leave my kids during the holidays?”

I work at a small zoo, and I have the pleasure of meeting a mom with a very curious six-year-old girl. When I spot the girl crossing behind the ropes of the animal enclosures, I immediately run up to the child and talk to her in a friendly voice.

Me: “No, no, no, honey, we’re not going to go that way!”

We are all taught that the last thing you should ever do is lay your hands on a child unless you need to remove them from a dangerous situation. Fortunately, the mom intervenes and removes her child. She is livid, and she tells me:

Mother: “Don’t you dare tell my child ‘No’! You do not tell her what she can or cannot do!”

The lynx looked a touch disappointed.

Related:
My Family And Other Animals, Part 12
My Family And Other Animals, Part 11
My Family And Other Animals, Part 10
My Family And Other Animals, Part 9

When I was perhaps five years old, I received a vaccination. I don’t remember what for; I just remember getting an injection in my shoulder that left my arm sore and weak.

Later that day, my parents needed to be out of the house, so my older brother and I were being looked after by a babysitter.

Babysitter: “Do you two want to play a game of hide-and-seek?”

We very enthusiastically agreed.

I still remember the perfect hiding spot I found. In my dad’s bedroom, he had a desk pushed into the closet. Beside the desk, around the corner from the doors, there was this little empty space. Part of it was taken up by a suitcase, but the other part was the exact perfect size for a five-year-old to squeeze into and curl up in.

I won that round, giggling as I heard my brother and the babysitter searching through the entire house for me. Eventually, they gave up.

Babysitter: “Okay, [My Name]! Come on out!”

There was my cue to abandon my spot and stroll out gloating.

One problem: thanks to my vaccination, my shoulder was “compromised”, and I couldn’t make my arm support my weight enough to climb out. I tried, repeatedly, but in the end… I had to call for help. My babysitter had to lift me out, my perfect hidey-hole was discovered, and I could never use it again.

I’m still a bit lowkey bitter about that, almost thirty years later.

This story is part of the Babysitting roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Hilarious Stories About The Children Of Customers Misunderstanding The World

Read the first roundup story!

Read the roundup!

It’s a Saturday evening, and we have several new movies coming out at the cinema where I work. We’ve also had a group of pre-teens coming in weekly and causing havoc. At this point, we’ve kicked them out at least five times, but I’ve simply had it.

I’m a team lead at this cinema, owned by a popular cinema entertainment company, so it’s my job to make sure the cinema runs properly; these kids are directly my problem. They’ve been running up and down the halls, and they have been warned already. I’m venting to the other team lead in the box office, and the cop who’s been stationed at the cinema for the evening asks me about it.

Me: “I can’t get these kids to listen to me. I feel bad for kicking them out, but then again, I’ve kicked them out more times than I’d care to admit.”

Cop: “If you want, the next time you get a complaint, I can kick them out instead.”

Me: “Thanks, but I feel like that’d be too mean.”

Almost as if on cue, the cinema’s assistant general manager walks up looking very upset.

Manager: “I just got another complaint about those kids you like dealing with so much. Apparently, they’re throwing candy. I can’t deal with it, since corporate comes in soon, so can you?”

Me: “All right, I’ll go kick them out, I guess.”

I tell the cop that I’ll walkie him if I need assistance.

Thankfully, I find the group in question in the hallway, being loud, blocking the doors and, lo and behold, throwing candy. I approach them and they all greet me by name; that’s how many times they and I have done this song and dance.

Me: “I’m only going to say this once: you guys are out. I can’t deal with you guys anymore. We’ve gotten more complaints than I care to admit, so you guys have to go.”

The leader of the group steps forward.

Kid: “You can’t kick us out! We didn’t even buy these tickets; our parents did.”

Me: “I don’t care. We can refuse service to anyone we see fit. Do as I say, or we’re going to start having problems.”

Kid: “Oh, yeah? What will you do, just ask again? You can’t touch us.”

Me: “Oh, no. I won’t. The cop at the front who has way better things to do than deal with you guys will. And he will not be happy.”

Kid: “Really? Is he [City] Police or [Neighboring City] Police? It matters; I have connections.”

I can’t help but smile.

Me: “Let’s go find out, shall we?”

We head out to the lobby, and the cop is already heading our way. I assume he figured I was fighting with those kids, so he took initiative.

Kid: “Which city police department are—”

Cop: “Doesn’t matter.” *Looks to me* “You kicking them out?”

I nod.

Cop: “All of you, out. There’s the exit.”

The kids try to fight him on it, but he stays firm and seems relatively unfazed. The kid who was spouting about his “connections” looks at me with a completely surprised look and holds his arms out. I return the exact same look, considering I have no clue why he thought that would work.

The cop follows them out to make sure they actually leave. An hour passes before he comes back in; the parents of those kids took forever to pick them up.

I understand I should be enough authority to remove someone from my establishment, but having a cop there to help out is always comforting.

Cop: “If that group comes back and causes more issues, we can do the paperwork and ban them from the establishment. If you see them, you can have them removed.”

They came back, and they were banned.