It is Black Friday, and it’s my last one before I leave retail to go to college. I was hoping to avoid this holiday but it looks like I have to endure one more.

One thing that always gets me about Black Friday is that many customers are shocked that there are lines on the busiest shopping day of the year. This year, however, is my last year, and my patience is running out.

I am checking out my line as fast as I can. Our store opened at midnight, and it is now almost three in the morning. The woman behind my current customer is trying to cause a scene. She has two young children who are arguing and grouchy (and who likely should be asleep). The children also keep kicking the customer I am currently serving, who has told them to stop, but their mother has done nothing.

Next Customer: “Why don’t you open more registers?!”

Me: “We currently have twenty-four registers, ma’am, and all are open.”

Next Customer: “Then you should build more!”

Me: “Build more? For one shopping day of the year?”

Next Customer: “Well, yeah! You need to build more and hurry up! I have kids!”

Current Customer: “Well, ma’am, we all make mistakes, don’t we?”

This story is part of our Black Friday 2023 roundup!

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This story takes place on Thanksgiving Day at my home. My husband’s maternal cousin, her husband, and their three children suddenly dropped into town from out of state two days before the holiday, and they wanted to have Thanksgiving with my husband, his parents, and me.

My husband hates his cousin and her family, but his mom pitched such a hissy fit that he gave in. His cousin’s children are QUITE poorly mannered and have a reputation for completely destroying the homes of people that they visit. I also ended up having to buy extra food at the last minute because our guest list went from four to nine. I also had to revise the menu because his cousin sent over a LONG list of foods that her children do not like.

We live on a small farm. Our house is over a hundred years old and is quite small by American standards. I am sitting on the couch grading assignments from the students in my Introduction To Supply Chain Management class at the local community college.

Husband: “My cousin and her spawn just pulled up the driveway. Hopefully, they don’t wreck the house! If they start running around the house, I am sending them back outside and they can run around the goat pasture!”

As soon as my husband opens the front door, his cousin’s children rush in and IMMEDIATELY start touching anything that they can get their hands on. The oldest daughter grabs the remote, turns off the program I was watching, and starts scrolling through channels.

Oldest Daughter: “Why don’t you have the Disney Channel?! I wanted to watch [Show] and you don’t have it. I can’t live without my Disney Channel!”

Me: “I think that you can for a few hours. If you want, I can find something on one of the streaming services for you guys to watch.”

Oldest Daughter: “BUT. I. WANT. THE. DISNEY. CHANNEL! You should have gotten satellite TV when you found out that we were coming!”

I am about to scold her when my husband realizes that the two youngest have grabbed my work laptop out of the office/guest room and are trying to crack my password. I go to stop them.

Then, I hear a smash and turn around to find that the oldest daughter has taken her shoes off and thrown them at my framed Master’s degree on the living room wall, shattering the glass and knocking it off the wall. This really sets me off because I worked really hard for that degree and the frame was a quite expensive custom job.

Me: “You are going to pay for that frame! It wasn’t cheap. And I think that you have also damaged the diploma. I have to get a new copy from the college, and that is going to set me back about $50. Go outside before I start to lose my temper further!”

My husband’s cousin jumps in.

Cousin: “You shouldn’t let [My Name] talk to my children that way! They’re good kids, so they should get everything they want!”

My husband used to be a drill sergeant in the Army. He gets this look on his face like he is about to really roast his cousin and her kids. He responds in the loudest drill sergeant voice he can muster.

Husband: “You shouldn’t allow them to be monsters about it, then! They have damaged property, been completely disrespectful to my wife and me, and created utter chaos from the second that they set foot in this house! GET THEM OUT OF MY HOUSE! You gave my wife two days’ notice that you are coming for Thanksgiving dinner and expected her to cater to all of your whims by giving her a laundry list of foods that she shouldn’t cook because your demon spawn don’t like them! You are outrageous people, and you are no longer welcome at my home!”

Cousin: “But what are we supposed to do for Thanksgiving dinner?”

Husband: “FIND A RESTAURANT! Good luck finding one, though, because I seriously doubt that the only restaurant open on Thanksgiving in this town is going to put up with your children!”

My husband’s cousin left with her kids in a huff. My mother-in-law was so mad at my husband and me for throwing them out that she didn’t talk to us for over five months! She was mad because she didn’t get to have Thanksgiving dinner with her niece and her great nieces and nephews. We held firm because her kids were in our house for less than five minutes and this was the chaos that they created. They probably would have destroyed my home if they had stayed for dinner!

I work for a pizza place. I’ve been delivering for about three weeks now, and tips are either really bad or pretty good.

I go to the door for a delivery and a kid answers; his mom is in the back. I hand him the order: a personal pizza.

Me: “Hi. Your total is [total].”

I’m pretty sure he is just happy to pay for something because, without hesitation, he hands me a $100 bill, claps, and runs to his mom to tell her he paid.

I don’t notice it is a hundred and think it is ten, so I walk back to my car. Then, I see that the bill he gave me has that blue line and gold 100 on it. I get really happy, but I realize that I’d feel guilty if I left.

I go back and knock on the door. The mom answers and looks really confused. I show her the bill.

Me: “Your little boy gave me this.”

Mom: “[Boy], come here, please.” *To the boy* “Where did you get this?”

Boy: “I got it from your purse!”

Mom: *To me* “I’m so glad you brought this back; it was supposed to be for our groceries this week.”

In the end, I got a $3 tip, but I didn’t mind since I’d just saved a family from going hungry for a couple of days.

I worked as a lifeguard at a public pool last summer. We had a strict “No water wings” policy; those little f***ers are death traps.

A woman is putting water wings on her kid next to the pool, and I politely inform her:

Me: “Ma’am, we do not allow water wings, but we have life vests available for free.”

I point to them, literally five feet from where she’s standing.

Woman: *Infuriated* “How dare you dictate to me how I treat my child?!”

I can see this escalating, so I call my supervisor over. As he arrives and speaks to her, the kid jumps in the pool. The water wings slip up his arms, and he’s suspended underwater. I jump in and pull him out.

Woman: *Even more furious* “You have some nerve to touch my child! I’m gonna sue!”

She was banned from the pool.

I am in line waiting to pay at a store. In front of me is a man with two young girls in tow. One of the girls pulls a ball out of the shopping cart, clearly intending to play with it, but the moment she gets it out, the other girl wants it, and the two girls start the classic sibling pastime of squabbling over their toys.

The man takes the ball from both girls and holds it up out of their reach when they can’t come to an agreement.

Man: “Kids, you don’t snatch.”

Girl #2: “I had it first!”

Girl #1: “Nuh-uh!”

Man: “If you girls can’t find a way to share it, I’ll put it back and no one will get it.”

Girl #1: “Can we play the phone game?”

Man: “That’s a great idea, [Girl #1].”

I’m now perversely curious about the non-sequitur about playing games on the phone and how this seems to satisfy the father who looked ready to scold both kids. So, I can’t help but peek over the man’s shoulder as he pulls out his phone and puts it down where the girls can reach it.

Both girls place their fingers on the phone, resulting in color circles showing up under each girl’s finger. Then, after a second, the circle under [Girl #1]’s finger disappears while [Girl #2]’s circle stays. The man hands the ball to [Girl #2].

Girl #1: “Aww…”

Man: “Sorry, [Girl #2] won this time. She can keep the ball until we get to the car, and then [Girl #1] can carry it into the house. No one gets it while I’m driving because I don’t want you causing an accident.”

Just like that, what I thought was about to be a major fight with the kids was resolved. I’ve already decided I’ve got to find a similar “phone game” as soon as my youngest child is old enough to start fighting with her brother.