It’s Late When It’s Son-Down

, , , , | Right | January 25, 2011

(A woman and her pre-teen son approach the counter.)

Son: “I want both of these movies!”

Mother: “We will have to see. I don’t have a lot of cash and we might have late fees.”

Son: “God! Mom, you are so dumb! I can’t believe you forgot to take back the d*** movies!”

Me: *to mother* “If your late fees are too much, we will also accept your firstborn in payment.”

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Smoke Your Veggies

, , , , , , , | Right | January 18, 2011

(I’m a waitress taking the order of a little girl and her mother.)

Young Daughter: “I’ll get the mac ’n’ cheese. Extra cheesy!”

Mother: “No, you certainly will not. It’s your third day eating mac ‘n’ cheese, missy! You’re going to get chicken and broccoli.”

Young Daughter: “But, mommy! Eddie said that broccoli is bad for you!”

Mother: “Your brother most certainly did not!”

Young Daughter: “Yeah! The other day I saw him smoking his broccoli and when I asked if I could he looked at me and said that it’s very bad for little girls like me. His eyes were all red and everything!”

Mother: “When was this?!”

Young Daughter: “Yesterday! But his friend brought over more broccoli today. They’re weird.”

Me: *feeling very awkward* “Ma’am, I can get the check for you if you’d like to leave?”

Mother: “That’d be great. And could you box up an order of mac ’n’ cheese, please? Oh, and some really good smelling stuff? I figure they’ll have the munchies and I want to torture them.”

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Identity Theft Is Childs Play

, , , , | Right | January 14, 2011

(I am a customer in line. There is a woman with a four-year-old finishing up their purchase.)

Me: “Here’s your change.”

Four-Year-Old: “Mommy, can I do the scribbles?”

Customer: “No, honey. I paid with cash, not my credit card.”

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Kids Pop The Best Questions

, , , , | Right | January 7, 2011

(I’m currently eight months pregnant with a little boy, and in my anticipation of my impending motherhood I love chatting to the little ones that come through my line.)

Me: “How old are you?”

Boy: “I’m four, but I am three feet tall which is really tall for my age. I am just going to get bigger and bigger and bigger, just like you are going to get fatter and fatter and fatter.”

(I laugh hysterically.)

Mother: “Honey, she isn’t fat. There’s a baby in there.”

Boy: *wide eyes* “How do they get a baby in there? Why is she working?”

Mother: “I don’t know why she is working.”

Me: “I’m going to have a little boy just like you, who is going to get bigger and bigger and bigger.”

Boy: *panicked and near tears* “But you’ll pop!”

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What’s Yours Is Mine

, , , , | Right | January 3, 2011

(It is 2011. In our arcade, we have redeemable prizes for tickets you win by playing games.)

Me: *after counting a little girl’s tickets* “Okay, you have 25 tickets.”

Customer: “Give me a watermelon Air Head!”

Me: “I’m sorry. You don’t have enough tickets for that.”

Customer: “But my President is black!”

Me: “And so is mine.”

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