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A Little Pizza Justice

, , , , , , , | Right | November 2, 2022

All week, we’ve been getting daily — if not hourly — prank calls from a boy who sounds like he’s about twelve. After the first few calls, we learn to recognise the number, so we pick up and hang up straight away to keep the phone clear. At a slow moment in my shift, I get tired of the calls and decide to actually answer.

Me: “Hi, this is [Pizza Place]. How can I help you?”

I hear barely suppressed laughter.

Caller: “Hi. I want to place an order.”

Me: “Certainly, for delivery?”

We don’t do delivery.

Caller: “Yes, I want 100 large pepperoni pizzas!”

My, oh, my, aren’t you hungry?

In the meantime, I’m looking up the number in our order list, and I get an address. Bingo!

Me: *In a completely friendly tone* “Of course, sir. For such large orders, our couriers can’t take the money or carry change. But we can bill you through your phone bill. I have your address as [Address], and the bill will be sent to you automatically. Thanks for ordering!”

I hang up.

They call back within ten seconds and keep trying for at least five minutes. I just let it ring.

Then, I get a call from a different number, so I answer.

Me: “Hello, this is [Pizza Place]. How can I help?”

A crying kid is audible in the background.

Caller #2: “Hi. My son called you and placed an order for 100 pizzas?”

Me: “Oh, hi! Yeah, don’t worry about that. No order was placed and no bills were issued. I just wanted his constant prank calls to stop.”

Caller #2: “Figured…” *In a fairly loud, mock/sarcastic voice* “Well, I guess the bill will have to come from his little piggy bank, then. Too bad he was saving up for a bike but bought pizza, instead.” *Whispering* “Sorry about all that. It won’t happen again.”

Right before they hung up, I could hear the child crying his lungs out.

We got no more prank calls from that number. Sweet justice!

They’re All About To Park Right Here And Have A Group Tantrum

, , , , , | Working | November 1, 2022

I was taking three impatient children through the checkout with a trolley full of groceries, including perishable items. The cashier moved like a sloth and handled each item as if she’d just painted her nails and the paint was still wet.

As my youngest started to reach a new pitch in his frustrated crying, the cashier actually stopped scanning items to talk to the kids.

Cashier: “Are you going to the playground after this?”

Normally, I might have been irritated with this but would have brushed it off as a young person not knowing that you don’t suggest an activity to someone else’s kids when you don’t know if the parent will be able to take them; now the parent has to deal with tantrums over an idea you just put in the kids’ heads. But she had been so painfully slow already and contributed to the bored kids getting even more bored!

We’re Just Mad We Didn’t Think Of This First

, , , , , , | Friendly | October 31, 2022

It’s Halloween, and of course, there are many kids walking around in various costumes, some fairly creative, some store-bought, but this one costume really stands out among the rest to me.

I see a kid, about middle-school age, and her younger sister walking down my driveway toward my house, nothing special. The younger sister is dressed as a princess. How cute!

However, the older sister is dressed up far differently. She is dressed in a full business suit, a tie, slacks, even a big pair of square frame glasses, but two things are off about the costume. The first is the addition of a pair of headphones with a mic on them, which I think nothing of until I see the second unusual part of the costume, which is a sign hung around her neck with something written on it, though I can’t make out what it says at first. 

As the two approach closer, though, I am finally able to see what the sign says, and they come up to me on my patio. The older sister speaks first, saying exactly what is on the sign around her neck.

Older Sister: “Hi. We’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty.”

I burst out laughing, not only because the costume itself was great, but also because I hadn’t received any calls from the extended warranty people for a couple of weeks by this point, so that made this costume even funnier to me. After calming myself down, I expressed my amazement at the costume and then made sure to give the older call center sister and her young princess sister extra candy for making my Halloween.

The Spookiest Buddies

, , , , , , | Learning | October 31, 2022

I worked as an after-school care teacher at an elementary school. For Halloween, we had a little party for the kids with snacks and a movie. This film was the terrifying thriller “Spooky Buddies,” which all but two of the kids were mindlessly watching.

The two that weren’t were five-year-old twins who were mortified by the plight of the four Labrador puppies in Halloween costumes and came to me absolutely sobbing.

Kid: “Can you turn off the movie, please? It’s too scary!”

Me: “I’m sorry, all the other kids are enjoying it. How about we go to the other side of the cafeteria and play a board game, instead?”

Kid: “That won’t work!”

Me: “Why not?”

Kid: “BECAUSE I CAN’T LOOK AWAY!”

I ended up with one crying twin on each knee, terrified but adamantly refusing to not stare at the movie.

Blessedly, their mom came to pick them up not too long after.

A One-Way Ticket To The Exit

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2022

One weekday night, we aren’t taking tickets, as there are only two ushers for our fourteen-screen theater, and we are cleaning theaters. We get a call on the radio that two kids have purchased tickets, walked in, and presumably saw that we weren’t taking tickets, walked out, asked for a refund, walked back in, and are likely still trying to see the movie.

My friend and I walk out of the theater we just finished cleaning and see these two kids walking to their theater. We slowly follow them, as to avoid suspicion, and as soon as they walk into the theater, we both sprint down the hall.

As they sit down in their theater, we both walk up and say:

Us: “Can we see your tickets?”

They both just got up and walked out. They tried to buy tickets again, but the box officer didn’t let them.