Just Because You’re At The Lazy River Doesn’t Mean You’re Lazy

, , , , , , , | Right | July 29, 2020

I work as a lifeguard at a popular waterpark. I’m stationed just about forty feet away from the entrance to the lazy river. A boy runs and jumps in next to my stand, breaking several rules at once.

Me: “Hey! Do not ever jump into this river again! Use the entrance like everyone else!”

Kid: “I know! I’m sorry! Jesus!”

I let him float on. Some people just make that mistake even though it’s common knowledge. About three minutes later, I see a lifeguard floating down past me with the kid in tow.

Me: “What happened? You need help?”

Lifeguard: “No. Kid climbed out next to my stand and jumped in. Hit his arm on the island.”

Me: “He jumped in at my stand, too, and I told him not to break any more rules.”

Boy: “F*** you! He’s lying!”

Lifeguard: “We don’t really lie to each other. I’m getting security and you can explain it to them.”

I found out later that the kid had been breaking major rules all day and running off before anyone could get him, and he even got a little kid hurt as a result. Security escorted him and his family out of the park and gave them all a lifetime ban.

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Like Stealing Candy Back From A Baby

, , , , | Right | July 24, 2020

A woman and two little boys come to the counter and I begin to ring them out. I’m making casual chit-chat with the woman when she looks down and gasps.

Customer: “No! Put that back!”

I see her take candy out of the youngest boy’s pocket and put it back on the shelf.

Customer: “Sorry, he’s a little thief, and he’s so sneaky about it you don’t usually notice until it’s too late.”

I laugh and look at the boy, who must be about three years old. He looks at me very seriously and I stop laughing. The woman pushes him back so he isn’t so close to the counter and we continue the transaction.

I watch the boy out of the corner of my eye and he, little by little, gets closer to the counter again. Once again, the woman catches him red-handed and takes the things from his pockets and apologizes. I can’t help but laugh as this is oddly adorable, especially since the boy is so serious in attitude.

She leaves after I ring her out and I start to tell my coworker what happened when the woman rushes back in the store. Flustered, she sets two lollipops on the counter. 

Customer: “He almost made off with these.”

Me: “Thank you for bringing them back!”

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, , , , , , | Right | July 22, 2020

I am a new employee, taking an order from a lady with two children. She wants the popular three-medium-pizza deal.

Customer: *To a child in background* “What do you want on your pizza? Sausage? Okay, one sausage. I want mine to be just cheese.”

She then asks her other child what she wants.

Customer’s Child: “Can I have anything I want?”

Customer: “Yes, honey. Anything!”

Customer’s Child: “Chocolate sprinkles!”

The customer and I had a good laugh over that, and that call made everyone’s day!

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When The Smush Is Too Much

, , , , , , | Right | July 21, 2020

This one is kind of on me a little bit. I work at a popular phone retailer selling the phones and doing tech. A mother and her four-year-old son come into the store, and the mother is considering switching to our network. The son is a terror. He spits on the floor and starts licking the counters. The mom doesn’t do anything about this except impotently telling him to stop. However, she agrees to switch once her husband comes home from work. 

That evening, they show up, but their kid is with them. Fair enough; they can’t just leave him. He’s no better behaved than the previous time. He’s licking things, twisting the door push bar to create that wonderful screeching metal noise, and running around the store. His parents tell him if he behaves, he’ll get a cookie when they get home. So, naturally, they get him one in the middle of all of this. As he’s eating it, a chunk breaks off.

Customer: “Oh, you’re going to have to clean that up! We do not do that!”

The kid grins and smashes the cookie into the floor.

Customer: “You’re going to have to clean that up!”

I am thinking that she’s serious but I’m still half-joking.

Me: “I have a broom in the back I could get him.”

The husband ends up cleaning up the bigger pieces, leaving a ton of tiny pieces for me to clean up. The parents temporarily take the cookie and put him in the corner, but they give it back. I’m keeping my cool. I get it; he’s four and this has to be boring. He goes back to his parents and starts licking a display case.

Me: “All right, we’re transferring over your data. It shouldn’t take terribly long.”

Customer: “Oh, thank you! It’s cool that you can do that!”

The kid then starts picking his nose. The mother tries to stop him, but he doesn’t care. I inwardly grimace but don’t do say anything, trying not to think about the fact that I’m the one who has to clean up anything he does just like I did that afternoon. Finally, the kid picks his nose and wipes it on the display case that he’s been licking. I respond before I can stop myself.

Me: “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!”

Again, it was all on me to clean up anything he did. I apologized to his parents for the little outburst, cleaned up the kid’s mess for the third time that day, and finished everything up. The three of us left on friendly terms.

The next day, I got the survey they left. They gave me a horrible one because I was rude to their kid, who licked display cases, spit on the floor, wiped his snot on a display case, squeaked the door push bar, and smashed a cookie on the ground. And all I said was, “Are you kidding me?” Oy.

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Lowering The Metal Bar For Parenting

, , , , , , , | Right | July 15, 2020

A mother and her two young sons come in. Unfortunately, “Mommy” is more concerned with shopping than with her children’s safety. At most department stores, this one included, there are long metal poles with curves on the ends to take hangers with clothing off of high racks. These two boys have each taken one of the poles and are using them to sword fight.

I approach the boys and take away the “toys.” They are a few feet away from their mother.

Me: “I’m sorry, gentlemen, but you cannot play in this store; it is dangerous and rude. Furthermore, customers and employees here need to use these poles; they are not toys.”

Immediately, their mother starts swearing loudly and screaming at me about how I can’t tell her how to raise her children.

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t really care how you raise your children. I’m merely following store policy and we can’t have anyone using the store or our property like a playground.”

Customer: “I want to see your manager! You’re going to lose your job!”

Me: *Calmly* “My manager asked me to stop your children from using these to hurt themselves and other customers, but if you’d like to speak with her, please follow me; she’s right at the cash stand.”  

The customer follows me to my manager, swearing loudly the whole time. My manager listens to the customer.

Customer: “She grabbed my children and shook them and then called me a bad mother just because my sons were being a little loud! You need to fire this b**** immediately!”

My manager, who had heard and seen the whole incident from only about ten feet away, calmly repeated store policy and told the customer she was mistaken about me touching her children. When the customer threatened to sue, my manager explained again, very calmly, that the incident had been filmed by multiple cameras.

Suddenly, the customer walked off to shop some more.

A few minutes later, in another department, a coworker caught the boys playing with metal bars they had broken off a display rack. She took them away and went back to work because it was busy.

Apparently, the boys either found the same metal bars or broke another display rack to duel each other. I found the one passed/knocked out under a clothing rack in a nearby department with blood coming out of his ears because his brother had hit him too hard over the head with a metal bar and was afraid to tell anyone.

My manager called an ambulance and the police. It was several hours before the police found the mother. She had left the store with her purchases and the one child to do more shopping in the rest of the mall. She didn’t even notice her other son was gone!

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