(A girl of about eight years old is staring longingly at the display of stickers we have by the cash register.)
Girl: “I’d love to have some of these stickers, but I don’t have any money.” *sighs loudly*
Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”
Girl: “So… are you going to give me some for free, or what?”
Me: “…”
(I pick up a phone call transferred from our operator and hear what’s clearly a kid on the phone with parents in the background.)
Me: “Thanks for calling Burbank [Store], How may I help you?”
Customer: “Hi, my video game system stopped working. I want you to fix it.”
Me: “Well, what seems to be the problem with the system?”
Customer: “There are red lights on it. Is that those ‘rings of death’?”
Me: “The red lights are kind of an error message. When did purchase the system?”
Customer: “It’s, like, a year old.”
Me: “Did you purchase our protection plan?”
Customer: “No.”
Me: “Okay, you’d have to contact customer service for that manufacturer to see if they would still cover the product.”
Customer: “Oh, I bought it at [Competitor]. Would I call them? Could they fix it? I don’t want to talk to the robots!”
Me: “Yeah, if you bought it at another retailer you should probably either contact them or the manufacturer–”
Customer: *interrupting* “I said no robots; I don’t want to talk to the robots!”
Me: “Okay… you can file a claim on the manufacturer’s website, or call the retailer you actually purchased the system from. There’s nothing I can really do for you if you didn’t purchase it through our store.”
Customer: *whining* “I don’t want to talk to the robots! I’ll have my mom call the robots.” *hangs up*
Me: “…”
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(A dad and two little kids — one boy and one girl — are buying books. Both of the kids are paying with gift cards.)
Customer: “…and you have your late great-grandma Miriam to thank for all these books!”
Customer’s Little Boy: *happily, to coworker* “She’s DEAD!”
This story is part of our Hilarious-Kids roundup!
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Supervisor: “Well, it says here that you have five books that are overdue. Would you like to renew them?”
Patron: “What do you mean, overdue?”
(The supervisor shows the patron the overdue titles on the monitor.)
Patron: “We returned those books! I can’t believe this kind of stuff happens! What kind of library is this anyway?”
Patron’s Young Child: “But, Papa, I saw one of the books at home, remember? In the–”
Patron: “Shut UP!”
(Ironically, one of the books he claimed to have returned was, “Teaching Your Child Good Manners.”)
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(A guy walks up to the register carrying his two or three-year-old son and places him on the counter.)
Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us?”
Guy: “No, and I don’t want one either. No!”
(The little boy grabs the stylus from the PIN pad and starts trying to draw.)
Little Boy: “No! No! No! No!”
Me: *jokingly* “See, look what you taught him.”
(The guy tries to take the stylus from his son.)
Guy: “Give me the d*** pen!”
Little Boy: “Give me the d*** pen! Give me the d*** pen!”
