I went to my nephew’s house for Thanksgiving this year. After we ate, a group of us were going to play a game in the dining room. Another group made up of my brother’s girls and a boyfriend (ages sixteen to twenty-three) was playing a game at one of the two tables in the living room. We decided the other table in the living room was better for our game, so we moved in there.

We were playing for a bit, and the other group was getting loud. Their game involved them slapping on the table. My nephew’s young daughter was flinching every time they slapped and cheered.

Nephew’s Daughter: “Guys, you’re scaring me.”

They didn’t hear her. My nephew spoke up and told them the other room was better for their game, and while they heard, they weren’t moving.

Finally, I turned around and spoke up to them.

Me: “Get moving, you kids.”

And they took their game and left.

Nephew: “To be fair, they were in here first, and we just came in and forced them out.”

Me: “And when you really think about it, isn’t that what Thanksgiving is all about?”

When I was a kid, we didn’t have a lot of money, so we often shopped at thrift stores. What I loved about it was that you could get five books for a dollar, so I would plant myself in front of the book section and make piles of which ones I wanted to get and then decide after I’d gone through them all.

The older lady owner of the store saw me sitting with my piles.

Owner: “Do you like to read?”

Me: “I do!”

I showed her a few of the books I’d found that I liked. She smiled and then pulled a dollar out of her purse and handed it to me.

Owner: “Have some more on me. Promise me that you’ll keep reading.”

I was so happy and immediately stood up and said that I would. She smiled and walked away, and I went back to my piles, able to pick out an extra five books to take home. 

It was just a small act of kindness for her, but for me, having the store owner encourage my love of reading and making me promise to never stop definitely had a lot to do with my continued love of reading. This was probably twenty or so years ago, but I still think of her whenever I buy a new book.

My family attended a work-related party. My husband’s coworkers had not yet met me or our children, so I was asked many questions. Some were invasive rather than curious.

One woman glared at my husband on and off while we spoke. Finally, she started to ask questions about my age, which I deftly sidelined. Then, she gave up on subtlety.

Woman: “You seem too young to have children this old.” 

My husband is only four years older than I am; I just look young.

I could see what she was implying and thought, “Game on!”

Me: *Blandly* “Oh, these are my husband’s kids with his first wife.”

Confusion played across her face.

Oldest Son: “Mom, you are Dad’s first wife!”

The woman left our group even more confused. I did have to explain to my kids that I said that to stop her probing and, frankly, insulting questions.

I am working at a buffet where children four and under eat free. A woman is paying for herself, and she has two kids.

Customer: “Oh, and she’s four.”

Customer’s Child: “Mommy! No, I’m not! I’m five!”

I smile because I’ve seen this happen before, and honestly, I don’t mind.

Me: *To the customer* “Don’t worry about it! She looks young enough to me!”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s no big deal.”

The customer then points to her other daughter, who is maybe twelve or thirteen.

Customer: “She’s four, too.”

Me: *Raised eyebrow* “Ma’am.”

Customer: “What? You said it’s no big deal, right?”

Me: “I said it was no big deal for me to look the other way for your five-year-old to pretend she’s four. It’s a completely different ask me to pretend that your much older daughter is also four.”

Customer: “So now you’re discriminating?”

Me: “You know what? You’re absolutely right; I should not have done that. Both girls pay.”

Customer: “What?! You just said it was no big deal!”

Me: “And you took advantage of that kindness and turned into a big deal. Now you get nothing. Both pay.”

She glared at me,but begrudgingly paid. I’ve since learned to no longer give customers an inch lest they take a mile. 

Related:
Give Them An Inch…,

This story might have been more “entertaining” had I engaged, but I seriously did not want to deal with the cray-cray. I also realized that nothing good would come of me saying a word. This is just a tale of when NOT to react.

I was sitting on the bus to get to work this morning and sat in a row just in front of a woman and her baby. The baby was being a little noisy, but I didn’t care.

As I was reading Not Always Right, the baby, who’d been quiet for a little bit, let out a loud cry, which startled me, so my body instinctively jumped. I may have looked at the lady through the corner of my eye, but I honestly don’t think she saw that. I then went back to reading.

I heard her start talking passive-aggressively about me.

Woman: “How could a person jump just because a baby cried? Haven’t they had babies or grandbabies? They must have been scared to have jumped like that…”

She just wouldn’t shut up, so I moved a few seats away. Then, she called me a racist.

Eventually, I moved to the front of the bus, and I could still hear her going on and on about me. Remember, I never, ever said a word back to her. I can only imagine the earful I would have received had I said anything.  

The point of the story is that sometimes it’s much much better to just let someone ramble on and walk away. I will also say that I now understand why, when I was younger, I did engage with the narcissists I was surrounded by. It took a LOT of self-control to not engage.