Holy Guacamole! Part 3

, , , , , , | Right | April 19, 2021

I’m at a fun dinner meeting for members of an international high school group that I’m a part of. It’s for students doing international transfers between America and Japan or America and South Korea.

We’re at a semi-fancy restaurant where Korean and Japanese food are cooked in front of you in a showy way. It isn’t busy at this hour and the woman who owns the place is lounging at the bar. We’ve come to know her during our meetings; she is a commanding woman who enjoys us hosting our meetings here.

Unfortunately, some members’ parents have decided their other kids should join us too even though they won’t be traveling with us and have done nothing but whine of boredom and distract us from our pre-dinner meeting. One of the little sisters is thirteen, so too old to be acting how she does.

Tempers are rising but are sated when food starts being served. The little sister gobbles her fried rice in less than one minute.

Little Sister: “So, where’s the rest?! I want more!”

Older Sister: “You have to wait until after they finish cooking your food.”

The little sister sees that other people haven’t eaten as fast and emits a shriek in my direction.

Little Sister: “GIMMIE YOURS!”

Me: “Uh, no. You eat yours. I eat mine. It’s not my responsibility to feed you.”

Little Sister: “THAT’S NOT FAIR!”

Me: “Well, yeah, it is, actually. I paid for my food. Did you? No, your parents paid for yours. So since your parents didn’t pay for mine, I’ll eat all of mine.”

As though she thinks she’s being discreet, the little sister starts dramatically inching her hand across the table as soon as I set my bowl down for a moment. I pick up a fork and drive the tines into the tabletop as dramatically as I can in front of her hand.

Me: “Back. Off.”

The owner calls from across the dining room.

Owner: “CHILDREN! Please stop that nonsense!”

Me: *Grumpy but polite* “Yes, ma’am.” 

Little Sister: *Intentionally defiant* “My mom says I don’t have to listen to anyone but her!”

The owner starts texting on her phone, looking annoyed. Somehow, the older siblings keep the little sister in check until our main course is finished and plated. Surprisingly, our adult chaperone arrives a bit later to “keep an eye on us” even though this meeting was only supposed to be for the students.

The chaperone does nothing. Yet again, the little hellion girl eats her food too fast to taste it and starts showing her interest in everyone else’s plates. She also starts trying to steal others’ sodas. I get an idea; I turn to the older sister with a dollop of wasabi paste on my chopsticks.

Me: “Gosh, I just love the guacamole they include on these plates, don’t you?”

Older Sister: *Playing along* “Oh, right, so amazing.”

The little sister catches interest, seeing the two of us eating the green stuff.


Me: *Dramatic eye roll* “Okay, you can have mine, but on one condition. You listening?”

Little Sister: “Yes! Gimmie!”

She reaches for my plate, which I hold back.

Me: “You cannot speak again until you are back in your parent’s car because we have been trying to finish the meeting and you’re distracting.”

Little Sister: *Obviously not listening* “OKAY! GIMMIE!”

I scoop the rest of the “guacamole” into a spoon and give it to her, nodding to the others. Everyone grabs their soda and tea for dear life as the greedy little gremlin deep-throats her spoon covered in wasabi. Of course, she immediately starts sobbing and turning red, grabbing at our drinks. She fails to get something to quench the fire. The owner comes over with her hands on her hips. 

Owner: *Loud, commanding Mom voice* “Well! Are you all proud of yourselves now?!”

I presume she is talking to me since I initiated the prank.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s just that I couldn’t—”

Owner:Hush, you!” [Chaperone], who is the littlest one and why is she like this?!”

Chaperone: *Startled* “Well, I couldn’t tell her parents that only some of their children could be here…”

Owner: “I don’t care for your excuses. Next time, only the [international student group] members can come to [international student group] meetings. I’m not a daycare! Either you do it my way or no more events can happen here, okay? I love these mature children, so that hurts me, too!”

Chaperone: *Awkward* “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ll do better.”

Thankfully, we were able to make up for lost time in another meeting before the trip, and I never had to trick another child into eating a whole spoonful of wasabi again. The trip was amazing!

Holy Guacamole! Part 2
Holy Guacamole!

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Cinderella Had A Wild Life Before She Met Her Prince

, , , | Right | CREDIT: Kid_Spectre | April 18, 2021

I work at a department store specifically in the shoe department. It is a bit busy but no one needs help so I’m keeping busy by putting displays back into place. A customer asks me where the restrooms are and I give them directions. My back is now turned to the display table. I feel someone tap me on my butt; it surprises the h*** out of me.

At first, I think that I have accidentally bumped into someone, not believing there is actually someone who would touch my butt in public. I turn around to find a little girl looking up at me. She has a look on her face like she has something she wants to ask me but is a little shy, so I kneel down to come to her level.

She cups her hands around my ear and asks me secretly:

Girl: “Do you have glass slippers?”

Me: *Whispers* “No, I’m sorry. I don’t have glass slippers.”

She ducks under the table and I lose sight of her.

I laugh to myself for a bit; that was a very strange experience. A few minutes later, I feel the girl patting my butt again. Before I go down to kneel, she quickly points up.

To my surprise, I see an all-clear plastic high heel, kind of like one of those stripper heels. But hey, it looks like a glass slipper. So, I hand the shoe to her. She ducks under the table and this time I see where she has gone.

Girl’s Mom: “Oh, no, sweetie. Mama can’t wear these things.” *Laughs* “Huh, they are like glass slippers, aren’t they?”

Every day that I saw those heels, I had to laugh.

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A Little Bird Told Me…

, , , , | Right | April 5, 2021

I’m doing work experience for a week at a zoo. I’m in the farmyard inside a barn-esque building as people wander around. A boy, no older than seven, approaches the flightless cockatoo who lives inside on a large branch wedged in a pen fence. The cockatoo is named Charlie.

Cockatoo: *Looking at the boy* “Hey, Charlie!”

He says his own name sometimes, as he’s so used to hearing it.

Boy: *Gaping* “Wow! The cockatoo knows my name!”

Me: “Actually, the cockatoo is named Charlie, too. You have the same name!”

I thought this child would be excited, but nope. He tears up and starts absolutely bawling. He seems to be literally having a breakdown.

Boy: “I don’t want to have the same name as a cockatoo!”

I was speechless. The mother came over and, thankfully, apologised and walked away.

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It’s A Saaaaga

, , , , , | Right | March 31, 2021

I work in a daycare. Our little four-year-old girls are playing on the floor, lying on their bellies and moving some stuffed animals and dolls around. When I move a little closer, I hear them softly singing.

Girl #1: “Here’s a bear! He’s in love with the princess, but he’s just a bear, so what if the princess doesn’t love him back? Buuuuut he’s so big and strong and very, very soooooooft…”

Girl #2: “Theeeeeeeeeee princess doesn’t know the bear is so in looooooooove with her because she is so buuuuusyyyyyy making a new dreeeeesssss… buuuut she loves the bear because he is so soooooooooft… buuuuut she also has a cat who is soooooooft… What are they going to dooooooo?”

Girl #3: “Theeee caaaat was going for a waaaaaaaaalk and then he saw the beaeaear… and the bear was cryyyyyyyyyying and the cat was sooooorry for him, so the cat bumped its head into the bear to tell him that he liiiiiiiiiiked him. Now the bear stopped cryyyyying.”

Girl #2: “And the bear was cuuuuuddling the caaaaaaat…”

Girl #1: “And the princess saaaaaaw them and she went ooooover to them and she wanted to cuddle boooooth of them…”

Girl #2: “And then there was a very nice priiiince who wanted to cuddle them alllll.”

All Three Girls: “They were all so haaaappyyyyyyy!”

Too cute!

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Raisin Them Right

, , , , , | Right | March 29, 2021

It’s my birthday and I’m at the daycare where I work. I give the children each a little box of raisins.

Six-Year-Old Boy: “I will not be eating all the raisins. How about I eat half of them now and then I get to eat all those other raisins another time? Now that is a very good idea I have.”

Two minutes later:

Six-Year-Old Boy: “It didn’t exactly work. I did eat all the raisins after all. They are very good raisins, you know. Very good indeed. That’s what made it so hard, of course. I got to eat a lot of raisins now. That was lovely. I enjoyed that very much. I’m all out of raisins now. That’s too bad because maybe I’ll want to eat more raisins later and I won’t be able to now. Oh! You know what, [My Name]? I’ll keep the box! Now isn’t that just the best idea, [My Name]? That way I’ll have the box and I can think about the wonderful raisins I liked so much!”

About two hours later:


That kind of joy for life is my new goal in life now.

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