Maybe That’s The Sound Of Mom Banging Her Head Against The Wall

, , , , , , , | Friendly | May 3, 2020

A couple of years ago, I shared an apartment with two other guys. It was really cheap for the area, and I got along well with them. The only issue was that we lived under a family whose kids apparently loved jumping off furniture randomly at night. The ceiling was already thin enough that walking around could cause audible thumps, but we mostly got used to that.

However, the kids upstairs would randomly decide to jump off their beds or something at midnight, causing a thunderous bang which would inevitably wake us up, followed by several more bangs as they’d jump off more furniture until they finally got bored.

We complained to the landlord whose initial response was to promise to talk to the family upstairs, but absolutely nothing changed. After more complaints, the landlord came over in the middle of the day, stood in our apartment for about ten seconds, declared that he didn’t hear anything, and then left, completely ignoring us trying to tell him that the issue was noise happening at night.

Finally, after a particularly rough day at work, when I just wanted to sleep, the banging woke us all up once again. This time, I climbed up on a chair in the middle of the room and started pounding on the ceiling while shouting at them to “Shut up and go to bed!”

The banging stopped, there was the sound of scurrying feet, and everything seemed quiet.

And then the banging started again.

We decided that they probably thought it was all a game and resolved to make yet another complaint in the morning. However, about a minute later, there was a banging on our door. I went to open it and found a woman standing there, who I figured must be the mother from upstairs.

She immediately started hissing at me about how they were trying to sleep and what did I think I was doing? But right in the middle of her scolding, her kids once again pounced on the ceiling, resulting in one of the biggest bangs yet.

She actually jumped. I just pointed up at the ceiling and told her that we wanted to sleep, too, but we couldn’t when a bunch of brats were bouncing up and down on the ceiling.

She didn’t say anything else, just ran off, but things were quiet for the next couple of nights. Then, the banging started up again.

I was so glad to find a new place shortly after that, which either had quieter people upstairs or just thicker ceilings.

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Ding-Dong-Ditch, Drop, And Dial Dad

, , , , , , , | Friendly | May 2, 2020

It is summer, and I am unemployed. I’m at my family’s garden-style apartment filling out online applications. My computer desk is near our front door. 

I hear a knock and get up to answer. I hear some scurrying as I get to the door. When I open it, nobody is there. I just see the empty landing for our apartment and three others on the same level.

This knock-and-run occurs a couple more times over the next couple of hours, with the knockers — I’ve heard multiple giggles after the subsequent knockings — running off each time.

For what turns out to be the final time, I’m standing next to the door. The knock comes and I quickly open the door. Surprised, I see three teens take off down the stairs on either side of the landing. I also hear a clattering of one of the boys’ cell phones as it drops onto the landing. 

I casually go over and pick up the phone. I go back inside and start looking over the phone.

A minute later, I hear a knock but no running. Through the door, I address the knocker.

Me: “Hello?”

Boy: “Hi, I was wondering if I could have my phone back. It fell out of my pocket.”

Me: “That’s okay. I’m just going to call the listing for ‘Dad,’ and he can pick it up after he gets home from work.”

Boy: *Dejectedly* “Okay.”

I called “Dad” and explained what was happening. He agreed for me to hold the phone until that evening. It turned out to be the resident of the apartment diagonal to mine on the same landing. He apologized, and I assume he gave his son a good talking-to.

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Gotta Get Them Young

, , , , | Right | April 27, 2020

Our thrift store exists only to raise money for the local animal shelter, so we get donated animal supplies pretty regularly. A woman, her young teen daughter, and her even younger son come in and start to browse.

Teen Daughter: “Excuse me, do you happen to have any cat trees?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, we sold our last one this morning. But we get them donated pretty often. If you like, we can take your name and number and call you when one comes in.”

She gives me the information and wanders away. The youngest boy comes up.

Young Boy: “My sister says that if we keep asking, we’d be, um, ‘harassing’ you.”

Me: *A little startled* “Um, well, yes. If we say we don’t have any cat trees, and you keep asking over and over even though we already said no, that would be harassing us.”

Young Boy: *Thinks it over* “Oh. Okay. I understand now.”

The young boy scampers off again.

Coworker: “What the…?”

Me: “I hope and I pray that I just made one less bad customer for the future.” 

And also maybe one less inappropriate guy for the dating scene, when he gets older!

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Weirdly Placed Manners

, , , , , | Friendly | April 25, 2020

I like to think that I am “down with the kids.” I’m almost thirty years old and have always liked kids. Apparently, kids don’t always like you back.

I entered [Very Large, Famous Clothing Store] and saw a little boy, maybe five or six years old, sitting on the floor under a clothing rack, sulking. Thinking that I could be the one to cheer him up, I smiled at him… and got a death glance back from him.

Okay, this one is a hard pleaser, so I jokingly stuck my tongue out. Shouldn’t have done that.

The sourpuss kid immediately yelled at me, “YOU DO NOT GET TO STICK PUT YOUR TONGUE AT ME! IT IS NOT ALLOWED!”

Pretty sure the entire store heard him. 

I quickly scrambled away from this kid, promising myself never to interact with unknown kids ever again.

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Some Fresh Slang!

, , , , , | Right | April 22, 2020

I am at a store in the mall when a young boy comes up to the employee next to me. We’re in Australia.

Boy: “Do you have a fresher?”

Employee: “I’m sorry, what was that?”

Boy: “I need to go to the fresher.”

The employee looks around for whoever in charge but sees no one.

Boy: “Toilet, bathroom, restroom, water closet? What do you call it? My dad said ask for a fresher.”

Employee: “Oh, you are looking for a toilet. Closest one is across and a few stores to your left.”

Boy: “You call it toilet here, too? My dad says words are all different down here.”

Employee: “That’s true that words can be different, but I never heard of toilets being called freshers here.”

Boy: “Okay! And thanks!”

The boy starts running off, yelling.

Boy: “Daddy! They are called toilets!”

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