It’s Halloween. Our lights are off and we are clearly not giving out candy because my husband and I simply can’t afford to this year. We are in the living room watching TV when we hear the front door creak open. Thinking it’s my sister, I go to greet her, only to realize it’s a couple of kids and some people I don’t know. I scream, and they run back outside.

My husband goes out to talk to them, and it turns out that they thought that simply walking into our house for candy was okay. My husband told them that if they ever did that again, he’d call the security company. They haven’t been back since, but a lot of our neighbors talked to them and finally made them realize that just walking into a house that isn’t yours isn’t okay, even for candy.

I’m going to my college to use one of the engineering labs during the weekend. There is some sort of event happening on campus and a small group of people is there walking around.

My campus has a very large amount of trees. As a result of those trees, we have a large population of grey squirrels. After many generations of the students and faculty feeding them snacks and not chasing them around, the squirrels are very tame and you can feed them out of your hands.

Two mothers and their son, who appears to be eight or nine, are looking at a squirrel a few feet away from them that’s standing on her hind legs. I walk up to them because they are by the entrance to the building.

Boy: “Wow, it’s just standing there. It’s not running away.”

Me: “She is very tame; she thinks you might give her food.”

Boy: “Oh, it’s a girl? How can you tell?”

Me: “Well, how do you tell apart boy and girl humans?”

Boy: “Uh… in animals, aren’t the boys more beautiful?”

Me: “That’s birds.”

Boy: “Oh.”

He stands there looking at the squirrel, trying to figure out how I have deduced its sex.

I turn to the mothers and they are quieting their giggles, having caught on to what the boy has not.

Me: “Can I say it?”

The mothers nod.

Me: *To the boy* “You can see her vagina.”

Boy: *Suddenly realizing* “Ohhhhh!”

The mothers just laughed.

During the summer during the health crisis, I go for long walks or runs on a pedestrian trail near my home. One day, I hear a group of four twelve-or-so-year-old boys on bikes harassing a number of people on the trail. I mentally roll my eyes but try to ignore them until they decide to target me. Two of them pull their bikes sideways across the trail, blocking it.

Boy #1: “What’s the password?”

Me: “Move. Now.”

The boys begin moving before they’ve even thought; it’s obvious from their facial expressions a few moments later that they hadn’t made a conscious decision to obey, and now they want to save face.

Boy #2: “We just want to talk.”

Me: “No, you want to annoy people for fun. You’re bored. Find something better to do.”

Again, they start pedaling away before they even stop to think.

I’d never seen the kids before, but I am a teacher, though of college students. Voice of Command is a real thing. I may not be able to glare effectively while wearing a mask, but I can still issue instructions.

I’ve recently become pregnant and my toddler has noticed some of the changes my body is going through, particularly in the chest area.

Toddler: “What’s that?!”

My toddler points at the two protrusions visible under my shirt.

Me: “Nipples.”

They pull down my shirt.

Toddler: “NIPPLES.”

They point up at the light fixture with a removable glass cover which has a small detachable anchor.

Toddler: “NIPPLE!”

Me: “No, not a nipple. That’s just the light.”

My spouse walks in. Our toddler points at the light.

Toddler: “NOT A NIPPLE!”

Spouse: “…”

It’s Halloween night with an endless parade of kids and their parents, but I’m quite enjoying myself, handing out candy and seeing all the costumes. I’m standing by the kitchen counter and making sure the bowl of candy is full while keeping an eye on the security door. A lone kid comes up wearing a bright blue wig of hair that stands straight up and an orange outfit that is very familiar to me. I immediately geek out inside.

Me: “Hey! Goku!” 

Trick-or-Treater: *Throws his head back* “Finally! Someone who doesn’t think I’m a troll!” 

Me: *Opening the door* “No way, man, you’re Kakarot!” 

I gave him an extra-large handful of candy. After he left, I wondered if anyone else would know his costume, other than a thirty-year-old woman.