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Kids, This Is What We Call “Scapegoating”

, , , , | Right | August 5, 2008

Kid: “Mommy, I want this candy!”

Mom: “No, you can’t have the candy. Put it back.”

Kid: “I WANT THIS CANDY!”

Mom: “You can’t have it!”

Kid: “I WANT THIS CANDY!”

(At this point, the mom takes the candy from the kid and hands it to me.)

Mom: *points at me* “The bad man took the candy! You can’t have it because the bad man took it!”

Kid: *in tears* “Why did you take the candy?!”

Me: *speechless*


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The Joys Of Motherhood

, , | Right | June 21, 2008

(A mom and little girl are waiting in line. I watch from a different line.)

Little Girl: “Can I have this candy?”

Mom: “No, put it back.”

Little Girl: “But that’s not fair! That’s not fair!”

Mom: “Cut that out!”

Little Girl: *takes a deep breath and calms down, then turns to her mom* “I’m killing you. I’m going to kill you.”

Mom: “…”

I See Purple Triangles And Rainbows In Your Future

, , , , | Right | June 10, 2008

(A boy and his mother come up to my register. The boy starts asking questions about the ant farm we have on display.)

Boy: “Can they mate?”

Me: “No, there’s no queen in there.”

Boy: “Oh… so they can’t mate?”

Me: “No, they’re all female.”

Boy: “So they can’t?”

Mother: *turns to boy* “Okay, shut up or go away! You’re being annoying!”

Kids Say The Truthiest Things

, , , , , | Right | April 6, 2008

(Santa was visiting our store, and every kid got a small bag of candy. Then this happened…)

Santa: “Here you go, little boy!”

Kid: “Thank you, Santa!”

Mom: “Aren’t you forgetting anything?”

Kid: “What, mommy?”

Mom: “Ask Santa for another bag for your brother like I told you.” *looks at Santa* “He’s sick at home and couldn’t come.”

Santa: “No problem!” *reaches for another bag*

Kid: “But mommy, I don’t have a brother!”

Mom: “…”

Santa: *puts bag back*


This story is part of the Children-Behaving-Better-Than-Their-Parents roundup!

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Jesus, Now Peanut Free!

, , , , | Right | February 9, 2008

(It is Ash Wednesday and we have kids from next door come over for Mass in the morning. I’m serving as a communion minister as the kids start to come up. One little guy comes up right away and just stands there with his hands at his sides looking at me.)

Me: “Do you take communion yet?”

Boy: “Do those have peanuts?”

Me: “?”

Boy: “‘Cause I can’t have peanuts.”

Me: “No peanuts here, but have you had communion yet?”

Boy: “I don’t think I should, just in case there’s peanuts. I can’t have any.”

Me: “How about we just give you a blessing, then?”

(I make the sign of a cross on his forehead and give him a blessing.)

Boy: “Thanks, maybe next time there won’t be any peanuts. I can’t have those.”

(I wonder if we should make up a “Jesus – Now Peanut Free!” sign, just in case.)


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