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Here Today, Gone To Maui

, , , , , , | Right | April 23, 2010

Me: “Hello and thank you for calling [Travel Agency]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I need to get to Hawaii by Saturday.”

Me: “Okay, let me just see what flights are available.”

Caller: “Flights? As in flying? No way! I am terrified of flying! Can you look up some train tickets for me?”

Me: “Ma’am, Hawaii is in the middle of the Pacific ocean. There is no train service to Hawaii.”

Caller: “What? Hawaii is part of the United States, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It is.”

Caller: “Then how can it be in the middle of the ocean? Fine, then, what about taking a boat?”

Me: ”Ma’am, there are cruise services to Hawaii, but I can assure you that the only way you are going to get to Hawaii by Saturday is by flying.”

Caller: “Well, what about those speed boats that drug users use from Cuba?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, those boats don’t have the ability to cross the ocean, and Cuba is only 90 miles from the United States.”

Caller: “90 miles? Sonny boy, Cuba is out in the middle of the ocean. Haven’t you ever looked at a map?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “Forget it, I’ll just call another travel agency that knows their history.”

Me: “Do you mean geography?”

Caller: *click*


This story is part of our Clueless Tourists roundup!

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Your Logic Is See-Through

, , , , | Right | April 9, 2010

Caller: “Can you have someone clean the water fountain filter? The water comes out dirty.”

Me: “Are you sure it’s dirty? Or is it just cloudy? Sometimes we just get air bubbles in the filtration and it looks cloudy.”

Caller: “No. I put it in a glass and it comes out filthy.”

Me: “If you set the glass down for a few minutes–”

Caller: “Yeah, it clears up.”

Me: “Well, then, those are tiny air bubbles. As long as it clears up, that’s just-”

Caller: “No, but it comes out of the water fountain dirty. People drink from there.”

Me: “What if you put it into a glass, and leave it for a few minutes?”

Caller: “Right! It’s clean then! The glass cleans it!”

Me: “Actually, I don’t think it’s the glass.”

Pre(Car)ious Insurance

, , , , | Right | April 2, 2010

(I rent out loaner cars at a luxury car dealership and try to loan similar cars to customers unless they are already booked.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are out of luxury cars today. I have another vehicle that we can get you going in.”

Customer: “No. I dropped off a luxury car; I should get one as a loaner.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t have any available right now. This other car is actually very nice, and quite–”

Customer: “I refuse to drive that car! It’s not safe! What if someone crashes into me while I’m driving? There are too many crazies on the road, and I demand a safe car to drive!”

(A luxury loaner vehicle returns unexpectedly and I offer it to the customer.)

Me: “Would you like to purchase the additional coverage on the loaner vehicle in case of an incident?”

Customer: “Of course not! Like anything’s going to happen!”


This story is part of the Ignorant-About-Insurance roundup!

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All In A Muggle

, , , , , | Right | March 20, 2010

(The entrance to the office is a sliding glass door. A man is staring at the doorway looking forlorn as I’m working the reception desk.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: *shouting* “Yeah, I’m here to make a delivery!”

Me: “You can just drop it off with me, sir.”

Customer: *still shouting* “But how do I get in?”

Me: “The door’s open.”

Customer: “But where’s the door?”

Me: “It’s right in front of you. It’s open.”

Customer: “Okay, it’s unlocked, but how do I open it?”

Me: “Just step forward!”

(He cautiously put his hands up and slowly walked through the open doorway, and smiled like he just found the entrance to Hogwarts.)

Pray She Hasn’t Got A Cat Called Tom

, , , | Right | March 16, 2010

Customer: “I want a hamster!”

Me: “Do you have bedding, a cage, and food?”

Customer: “I need all that stuff?”

Me: “Where did you think he would live?”

Customer: *completely serious* “I thought I would just feed them cheese and have them live in the hole in my wall like in the cartoons.”


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