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When They Go Low…

, , , , | Right | April 7, 2021

I work in a fast food sandwich shop. A couple with their autistic son are some of our favorite regular guests. Their son is very sweet but loves to wander the dining area telling people what the names of things are.

I’m doing a quick dining room clean-up when a customer flags me over.

Customer: “Why do you let people like that in here? That is a menace!”

It fills my heart and soul with pride to say…

Me: “Ma’am, that is Mr. and Mrs. [Regulars’ Last Name] and their son, [Son]. They are regular guests of our establishment and a welcome part of our family.”

She curses at me.

Me: “Thank you.”

The beauty and ugliness of humanity never cease to amaze me. I choose to be blessed.

His Attitude Is “Poor”

, , , , , | Right | April 6, 2021

I’m in line to check out when I see a man cut in the line a couple of lanes over.

Customer Behind Him: “Hey, the line’s—”

The impatient man throws his hands up and bellows in the guy’s face.

Impatient Man: “I don’t have time to wait! I’m too important to wait like a poor.”

Yes, he uses “poor” as a noun. The cashier looks like they want to say something, but the man talks over them.

Impatient Man: “Just hurry up and check me out. Can you manage that? I’ve got more important places to be.”

He’s still shouting, and several people have turned to look at that point. I see a manager striding up, and I’m hoping he will get thrown out, but no luck.

Manager: “Sir, you’re causing a scene. Please calm down.”

Impatient Man: “I’m causing a scene?! I’m not causing nothing. I just need my stuff and I’ll go. I’m too important to wait. I can buy and sell all of you!”

While they argue back and forth, the cashier apparently finishes scanning whatever he had, and he goes to pay. After a moment, the manager speaks up in a voice that’s just a bit louder and seems pitched to carry.

Manager: “I’m so sorry, sir, but that card is declined. Do have a different card?”

The man tries three different cards, or maybe the same card three times, with the manager announcing that it’s declined each time.

Manager: “Do you have cash? You don’t even have twenty dollars to cover this?”

I admit, I stuck around after finishing checking out just to see what happened. The man ultimately did not get his stuff, instead leaving with his head hanging just a bit. I’m guessing he was embarrassed to have it revealed that he was, in fact, “a poor.”

Looking For A Specialty Item Doesn’t Make You Special

, , , , , , | Right | April 5, 2021

We are a specialty component store. People come to us because they can’t find what they need at the big box stores and websites. We’re not usually the cheapest out there, but for most of our customers, that doesn’t matter because we actually HAVE the impossible-to-find object they’re looking for.

Customer: “I’m looking for [specific hydraulic component]. You got anything like that?”

Me: *Searches* “Actually, yes, we have that exact model.”

I list off some specs to make sure it matches.

Me: “That’s $453.75.”

Customer: “Ouch, that’s pretty expensive. Do you have anything cheaper?”

Me: “I can check what we have that might function similarly that’s cheaper. What can you use that’s different?”

Customer: “The price. A lower price.”

Me: “Sorry, I meant what specs can change for you and still be usable?”

Customer: “I want the exact same thing but cheaper.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “If you’d like to buy this exact component, then it will cost $453.75. We do not sell a version that will meet all these exact specifications for a cheaper price.”

Customer: “Why not?”

This story is part of our Best Of April 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of April 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of April 2021 roundup!

Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 43

, , , , , , | Right | March 25, 2021

I work at a cellular store. An elderly man comes in, all upset.

Customer: “You’ve purposefully cut off my service!”

Me: “Let me pull up your account and look into this for you.”

I pull up his prepay account. He holds out his phone and turns it on for me to see. I’m a bit confused but focus on one thing at a time.

Me: “Sir, it looks like your account is active. It’s not cut off and it seems you just recently started your new month of service.”

Customer: “I’m telling you, my service was purposefully cut off.”

At this moment, I notice that the phone had turned off immediately after the turn-on screen. I take it and try to turn it on and then go to plug it in — basic troubleshooting. 

Me: “Sir, your phone is dead.”

Customer: “That phone is brand new.”

I highly doubt this. The phone is beat to h*** and back, with a chip cracked out of the back piece in the corner. 

Me: “Well, I’ve plugged it in to see if it will charge.”

He asks for a chair, so I obediently grab him one so he can sit. He starts asking about a particular address of another cellular store and asking if it’s a corporate office. I explain it’s just another store, and he just kind of grumps to himself.

I leave the phone plugged in, trying different cords, but for the fifteen minutes he stays there, it only gets to 2%. My manager comes over.

Manager: “Sir, there seems to be something wrong with the phone.”

Customer: *Scoffs* “Ain’t nothing wrong with that phone; it’s brand new.”

Manager: “How long have you had it for?”

Customer: “Three months.”

Seriously? This thing looks like he played drop ball with it.

Customer: “Here, try my cord.”

He pulls out a ragged and tangled braided cord with a few places where the fabric cover has worn off. The thing gets debris and dirt on my hand when I touch it — praise hand sanitizer. I plug it in to confirm it’s charging but the percentage on the phone hasn’t moved past 2%.

Finally, the customer gets up and demands his phone back.

Me: “The phone is dead. Try charging it up for a little while.”

He obviously refuses to admit there is something wrong with his phone and fully believes we maliciously shut it off.

Customer: “You got a card?”

Politely, I hand him our store card.

Customer: “He got a card?”

The man juts a finger in the direction of my manager, who is helping another customer.

Me: “No, sir, it’s the store card.”

Customer: “Write your names on it.”

So, being the polite drone I am after years in retail, I write each of our first names on the card and hand it back. The man takes a step in front of my manager and almost squares up to him across the counter, then angrily flicks his pointer finger underneath his eye like he’s dramatically wiping away an eye booger, and then stomps out of the store.

Manager: “Have a good day, sir.”

Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 42
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 41
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 40
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 39
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 38

What Have You Been Doing Up Until Now?

, , , , , | Right | March 9, 2021

Caller: “I got this past due statement from your company that lists the invoices that we haven’t paid. We’re currently on a credit hold with y’all.”

Me: “Did you have a question about any of the invoices?”

Caller: “Well… If we pay these invoices, do we get off the credit hold? Is that how this works?”

Me: *Internally* “How else do you possibly picture this working?”