You Go In, Out, In, Out, And Shake It All About

, , , , | Right | October 12, 2018

(It’s my day off, but I go to the shop where I normally work with my dad to pick up a few bits. He’s looking for coffee of a specific brand and can’t find any on the shelves. I know we sell it, so I go to check the “Manager’s Specials” near the front of the store. Sure enough, the coffee is there. I take it back to my dad, who’s waiting in another aisle, when a woman stops me)

Customer: “Ooh, I’ve been looking for that coffee everywhere! Where is it?”

Me: “It’s in the Manager’s Specials at the front of the store.”

Customer: “Where’s that?”

Me: “It’s just the other side of the Pick’n’Mix.”

Customer: “Where?”

Me: “Just as you come through the doors, it’s on your right.”

Customer: “So, I go out of the store, come back in, and turn right? Thank you!

(Before I could say another word, the woman bustled off. I went to my dad and we queued up. Sure enough, the woman went out of the store, came back in, and looked to the right where the Manager’s Specials were. I’ve never known someone to take directions that literally!)

Evenly Scratch That

, , , , , | Right | October 12, 2018

(I’m on the till with the lottery and scratchcards. I ring up a customer and she takes a while counting out her money for me. I put it through the till.)

Customer: “I’ll have a scratchcard, as well.”

Me: “Of course. Which one would you like?”

Customer: “Erm… number three.”

(I look at the scratchcards and realise number three and four contain the same scratchcards, but number three only has one left. Instead of emptying one container and having to move over a scratchcard, I decide to take one from number four.)

Customer: “No. I said number three.”

Me: “They’re the same kind. There is only one left in three, so I thought—”

Customer: “No! I must only go by even numbers! I need number three!”

(I didn’t bother to point out that three is an odd number!)

Needs To Check Him-Selfie

, , , , , , | Right | October 5, 2018

(It’s a busy but fairly normal shift. After a mad rush of customers it quietens down, and a man in his twenties comes to my till with a “selfie phone case.”)

Me: “That’s £12.99 for that, please.”

(He places two £1 coins and a few 20p coins on the counter. I count them out and look at him expectantly. After a few moments I realise he isn’t going to get out an extra £10.)

Me: “Sorry, it’s £12.99.”

(He still looks gone-out, and then seems to realise he hasn’t got enough.)

Customer: “What am I supposed to do, then?”

Me: “Do you have any extra cash or a debit card?”

(The man ignores me and turns instead to a customer just passing.)

Customer: “Have you got 10p?”

Passing Customer: “What?”

Customer: “I need 10p!”

Passing Customer: “Sorry.”

(The customer leaves, looking baffled.)

Me: “It’s ten pounds, sir.”

(An elderly lady has just joined the queue. He turns to her, instead.)

Customer: “Got £10?”

Elderly Lady: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Can I have £10?”

(Understandably, the lady is looking a little intimidated and confused.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, you can’t ask other customers to give you the cash. I can save the item for you behind the till until you do have the money, if you prefer.”

Customer: “Okay. I’ll sort something out.”

(He went, and I apologised to the elderly lady. The man returned about fifteen minutes later, but went to a colleague, and this time he bought a pack of chocolate. I still don’t know why he expected other customers to give him the money, and I don’t know why he thought £3 was enough to pay for something worth £12.99 in the first place. It was clearly labelled on the product and the shelf!)

It’s A Dog’s Life (And Death) In Charity Retail

, , , , | Right | October 3, 2018

(I am a volunteer at a local charity shop. We get a few odd customers in who try to get reductions for no reason, but this guy really sticks out in my mind.)

Customer: “Excuse me. How much is this statue?”

(I walk over to where he’s pointing. We sell stock which was donated, along with stock from manufacturers. This customer is interested in a cheetah statue. It is beautiful and rightly priced at £39.99.)

Me: “That is £39.99, sir.”

Customer: “Well, that’s ridiculous! Why is it that expensive? This is a charity shop!”

Me: “We do often stock expensive items, sir, along with our cheaper clothes and ornaments. In this case, this statue has come straight from the manufacturers. It is new, made especially for our charity stores, so the price reflects that.”

Customer: “Oh, right. Well, can I have it for free?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “My dog just died. It was to cheer me up. Can I get it for free?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t do that.”

(A little later, at the end of my shift, I was talking to the manager and let her know what the guy said. She said she was going to go to Bentley to try the same thing to get a free car.)

An In-Crease In Crazy Demands

, , , , | Right | September 26, 2018

(On my till, I often have some bags resting on top. It is around the Christmas period so I have some big bags on the top of the till because a lot of people have been asking for them. An old woman approaches my till and points to the large bags on the top of the till. They’re folded so you can’t really see the size.)

Customer: “Can I have one of your bags, please?”

Me: “Of course. A large or small bag?”

Customer: “Small.”

(The cashier before me has saved time and opened a load of small bags and stored them inside a bigger bag beneath the till. I take one of these out and scan it through for the lady.)

Customer: “Oh. Don’t I get a new one?”

Me: “This is a new bag. They’ve just already been opened, so it is a little creased, but I can assure you it is new.”

Customer: “I want a new one.”

(I don’t argue. Instead, I take one off the shelf below the till which is nice and flat. I don’t bother to point out that by the time she’s opened it and packed her stuff that it’ll be as creased as the other one I offered.)

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