I’m in line at a store that’s having a darn good Black Friday sale. This doesn’t seem to be good enough for the customer in front of me, as she’s harassing the cashier for more discounts, including her employee discount.

Cashier: “Ma’am, I literally cannot put my own employee discount code into a register I’m currently logged in to. The system won’t allow it.”

Customer: “There must be something you can do?!”

Cashier: “Well… there is one thing. Do you have a phone on you?”

Customer: “Yeah!”

Cashier: “Okay, go to [website].”

The customer types it in, almost salivating at the prospect of some super-secret discount of some sort.

Customer: “Okay, I’m there. Now what?”

Cashier: “So then you fill out that job application for the store. After you apply and get hired and you can start using your own discount code after training! Just make sure to follow the rules and don’t let anyone else use it, or you can be fired.”

The customer immediately deflated, paid, and left. It was glorious.

I worked in a gas station where we had a notorious customer we referred to as “can guy” (because he did all that I’m about to talk about with a one-gallon red gas can).

Every month, our station puts coupons in the paper for a dollar of free gas. One coupon per customer per visit.

Can Guy would collect these coupons and then park his car on the adjacent street, and then go post up on one of our pumps and get gas. One dollar at a time. He’d pump a dollar, come in and give us the coupon, and go walk out to the sidewalk (off the property) and then turn around and do it again… for hours.

As a pump attendant, we have to approve every pump by pushing a button. So, every three minutes, for hours at a time, we’d be stuck standing at the till, doing the same transaction over and over. The longest I clocked him doing this for was two and a half hours.

Corporate added an addendum to the coupons because of him pulling that s***.

I ain’t even mad. That was next-level commitment.

Customer: “I want a strong coffee.”

Me: “Okay, that’s going to be fifty cents for an extra shot.”

Customer: “I don’t want a double shot! I want a strong coffee!”

Me: “Strong means an extra shot, and that’s not free.”

Customer: “I don’t want an extra shot of anything! I just want a strong… coffee…”

Me: “When you say strong, are you talking about caffeine, or flavor?”

Customer: “I want strong coffee! I want it to give me a boost!”

Me: “So, caffeine then. That’s an extra shot, which is fifty cents more.”

Customer: “No!”

She says nothing more, so I tell her I will charge her for a regular black coffee at the price she was expecting. She accepts.

When she picks up her order and takes a sip:

Customer: “Mmm. See? Strong coffee!”

I used to work at a small independent pizza place in my hometown, but I moved away for college. I now work part-time at a chain pizza restaurant between classes.

Coworker: “[My Name], is that our coffee that you’re drinking?”

Me: “Yeah, I made a quick black coffee to keep me going through the late shift.”

Coworker: “Did you get management authorization for that?”

Me: “For coffee?”

Coworker: “Yeah, you’re only allowed to drink the water without permission. Everything else you need to get permission.”

Me: “But… It’s not like I’m sneaking one in or hiding it. It’s… a coffee. I’m not even taking any food.”

Coworker: “Yeah, but be careful. It’s something that can get you written up.”

Me: “So the local mom-n-pop pizza place I worked at in my hometown encouraged us to have a slice or take food home, but the mega corporation with hundreds of national locations that’s listed on the stock exchange says we’re fired if we even make ourselves a coffee?”

Coworker: “Capitalism, baby!”

Customer: “Can I get the whole chicken cheaper if I take the bones out? I’m not using the bones.”

Me: “Uh… no, the price for the whole chicken is set.”

Customer: “But I’ll give you the bones back!”

Me: “That’s not the issue.”