Not Just The Key To My Heart

| Romantic | December 5, 2011

(I am talking online to my boyfriend.)

Me: “Do you still love me?”

Boyfriend: “It’s not like I have a choice.”

Me: “Why?”

Boyfriend: “You have half my heart.”

Me: “Aww!”

Boyfriend: “And the keys to my apartment.”

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All You Need Is Love, And Minions

| Romantic | December 5, 2011

(My girlfriend is a science major. We often joke about her being a mad scientist who will take over the world. We’re in different parts of the state for summer break. She’s working backstage with a local singing group.)

Girlfriend: “Miss you too. I’m working backstage today. Friday and Saturday. So much singing!”

Me: “Oh, I didn’t know. Have fun.”

Girlfriend: “No worries. I forgot to tell you, and I have minions to do the work anyways.”

Me: “Yay, minions! When we take over the world I’ll make sure you always have minions.”

Girlfriend: “Yay! I love minions. But not as much as I love you.”

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The Couple That Slays Together, Stays Together

| Romantic | December 4, 2011

(I am organizing and managing a weekend gathering, and getting quite annoyed with someone who doesn’t understand that I run many events. I start texting my boyfriend.)

Me: “If I were convicted of murder, but the victim was an annoying git who is trying to tell me how to do my job, would you be upset?”

Boyfriend: “Does the prison you’re going to have conjugal visits?”

Me: “Well, if I do kill them, would you help dispose of the body?”

Boyfriend: “I’ll warm up the chainsaw.”

Me: “I love you.”

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Chuck Almighty

| Romantic | October 27, 2011

(My boyfriend of 2 years and I have a long distance relationship, so we text message each other a lot. One “I love you more” argument happens like this…)

Boyfriend: “I love you more.”

Me: “No, I love YOU more.”

Boyfriend: “I love you more times infinity.”

Me: “I love you more times Chuck Norris.”

Boyfriend: “I love you more times Morgan Freeman’s voiceovers.”

Me: “D*** it.”

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