She Is Not A National Treasure

, , , , , , | Right | April 15, 2019

(It is the Fourth of July weekend, and the SPCA in our town is running an adoption special. All adult dogs are $17.76 to adopt in honor of the holiday. I volunteer at this shelter, and my boyfriend and I have come to visit the dogs frequently. We’ve finally found one we love and fits with us, and we’re signing the adoption papers. This conversation happens with another member of the public at the front desk.)

Shelter Staff: “There you go, [My Name]! I’m so happy you guys finally found a dog you love, and for a great price!”

Me: “Yeah, Brandy is a great dog, and we can use the money we’re saving on her adoption fee to buy more stuff to spoil her with!”

Teenager: *standing in the lobby looking at the cats hanging out in a cage there* “How much are dogs this weekend?”

Shelter Staff: “They’re only $17.76 to adopt adult dogs! Did you want to look at one?”

Teenager: “I don’t get it. Why is it $17.76; is there tax or something?”

Me: “No… It’s Independence Day. $17.76 like the year? 1776? Declaration of Independence?”

Teenager: “Oh! Like that Nicolas Cage movie!”

Taking A Spill

, , , | Right | February 8, 2019

(I work at a specialty coffee shop that does not have an automatic espresso machine, and only has one machine as it’s a small place. It takes about a minute per drink to pull your grinds, tamp it, load it up, steam the milk, and pour. It can take even longer if someone gets extra shots, the pull looks like it’s going to taste bad, we give a person fancy latte art, etc. This day is particularly busy and most people understand it is going to be a bit of a wait, but not all of them. We have a nonstop string of drink tickets, usually six to ten tickets up at a time, and some of those tickets have a couple of drinks each. Right in the middle of this, a woman comes in and places her order, and stands directly in the way of the drink hand-off area. I make a couple of drinks for people that came before her.)

Customer: “Is that mine?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Your drink is still about eight or nine drinks away. It’ll be another ten minutes before you’re up, if you want to have a seat.”

(She doesn’t sit down; she continues to stand there blocking traffic. I make another ticket’s drinks.)

Customer: “Is that mine?”

Me: “No, yours is still a bit away; I’ll call your name when it’s up.”

(She continued this a few more times, even trying to walk off with other people’s drinks, but I let her know they weren’t hers. FINALLY, we got to her drink. At this point, she was so upset that when she went to grab the drink, she yanked it towards herself and spilled it everywhere. I made her a new one, and she stood there complaining, left, forgot her keys, came back even more upset, and then finally left for good. I thought it was over until I got a call from my manager who said that this woman wanted me to pay for the cleaning of her Dior purse, which she now had to have sent away for cleaning because I spilled the drink on her. I told my manager what happened, and I did not end up paying for the woman’s purse.)

Eating For Two, One Last Time

, , , , , | Romantic | April 4, 2018

(I’m in hard labor with my first child, who is two weeks overdue. After early labor all day, it’s now past midnight and the contractions are unbearable. My husband is driving me to our hospital, forty five minutes from home. I’m in the passenger seat, eyes tightly closed, counting my breathing and the miles under the tires. The car finally comes to a slow stop, and I’m ecstatic that we’ve arrived.)

Me: “Oh, thank God. I can’t take this much more! We’re there, right?”

Husband: “Uh, well…”

Outside The Car: “Welcome to [Tex Mex Fast Food Place]. Are you interested in a combo meal?”

(Two meals ordered, and we were back en route to the hospital ten minutes away. Nine years later, we still joke about being the couple that showed up in the labor and delivery ward with a duffel bag and Tex Mex.)

Unfiltered Story #95696

, | Unfiltered | September 25, 2017

(It is the 4th of July weekend, and the SPCA in our town is running an adoption special. All adult dogs are $17.76 to adopt in honor of the holiday. I volunteer at this shelter and my boyfriend and I have come to visit the dogs frequently. We’ve finally found one we love and fits with us and we’re signing the adoption papers. This conversation happens with another member of the public at the front desk.)
Shelter staff: “There you go (my name)! I’m so happy you guys finally found a dog you love, and for a great price!”
Me: “Yeah, Brandy is a great dog and we can use the money we’re saving on her adoption fee to buy more stuff to spoil her with!”
Teenage girl standing in lobby looking at the cats hanging out in a cage there: “how much are dogs this weekend?”
Shelter staff: “they’re only $17.76 to adopt adult dogs! Did you wanna look at one?”
Teen girl: “I don’t get it, why is it $17.76, is there tax or something?”
Me: “No…it’s Independence Day. $17.76 like the year? 1776? Declaration of Independence?”
Teen girl: “oh! Like that Nicolas Cage movie!”
(Slightly stunned silence from all of us. She grins and walks off to join her family.)
Shelter staff: “I literally don’t even know what to say to that girl. Enjoy the new fur friend, (my name).”