Acting Shady At The Airport

, , , , , | Friendly | August 7, 2018

(I’m a customer, flying out on a Tuesday morning. I’ve driven to the airport, parked in a long-term lot, and am now standing in line for the security checkpoint. I’m idly people-watching when I notice a woman wearing these really long sandals basically made out of lots of straps. It strikes me as pretty impractical footwear for traveling, so I give her a closer look… only to recognize her horizontally-striped shirt and bleached blonde hair from someone who sped past me very aggressively on the highway before I arrived. She’s also wearing large sunglasses inside the airport, so I call her Shades. She finishes checking a bag at the counter and walks over to join the security queue, roughly a dozen people behind me, only to pull out her phone and begin speaking very loudly:)

Shades: “OH, NO, MOM, THIS IS AWFUL. IT’S A CATASTROPHE! MY PLANE IS GOING TO LEAVE SOON WITHOUT ME, AND THERE ARE LIKE EIGHT HUNDRED PEOPLE IN LINE IN FRONT OF ME!”

(A quick count suggests roughly forty people in the line. This is not a bad security queue. I begin exchanging amused and disbelieving glances with the people nearby.)

Shades: “MOM, THEY’RE GOING TO LEAVE WITHOUT ME! I CAN’T MAKE IT IN TIME WITH ALL THESE PEOPLE IN FRONT OF ME! THIS IS SO TERRIBLE! WHY ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE HERE?! THIS AIRPORT IS AWFUL; IT’S NOTHING LIKE NEW YORK!”

(She’s now getting looks from all over the line, but doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.)

Shades: “I’M GOING TO MISS MY FLIGHT, AND IT’LL COST ME AN EXTRA 100 DOLLARS, AND I’LL BE STUCK HERE IN THIS STUPID CITY!”

(I can’t help but laugh. She shuts up for a little while, and then gets back on her phone.)

Shades: *still shouting* “HI THERE, [OTHER RELATIVE]. IT’S AWFUL; I’M GOING TO MISS MY FLIGHT! IT BOARDS SOON AND THERE ARE LIKE FORTY PEOPLE IN FRONT OF ME IN THE SECURITY LINE. I CALLED MOM, BUT SHE WOULDN’T GIVE ME ANY SYMPATHY. SHE SAYS CHARLOTTE IS A NICE CITY AND DOESN’T CARE THAT I’LL BE STUCK HERE!”

(Don’t worry, Shades; we care. We’re all hoping you’ll hurry home; it’s just your mother who doesn’t want you back.)

Dialing Security Is Very Real, Though

, , , , , , | Right | June 17, 2018

(I work in a store that has cell phones on display. The cell phones are connected to wires to prevent people from taking them. On top of that, most of the phones on display are fake and have no use. I’m working today when a particularly suspicious teenager walks in the store.)

Me: “Hello there. How may I help you?”

Teenager: “Oh, I’m fine. Just browsing.”

Me: “Okay, let me know if there is anything I can do for you.”

(For a little while, he just walks around, and then finally stops by a phone. He messes around with the phone and then pulls on it, thinking that no one will notice him. The wire stops him from pulling it away, but for some reason, he doesn’t realize this and keeps pulling.)

Me: “Um, excuse me, but what are you trying to do?”

Teenager: *while still pulling on the fake phone* “Oh, nothing, don’t mind me.”

Me: “You can let go of the phone now. It’s fake, anyway, and it’s attached to a wire so you can’t pull it away.”

Teenager: *looks down and realizes his mistakes* “Ha, um, yeah, I knew that. That’s why I was tugging on it, ‘cause I knew it was fake, ya know?”

(He left extremely embarrassed.)

Her Money Is Liquid

, , , , , , | Right | June 12, 2018

(I work in a coffee shop. It’s a slow night and I’m keeping an eye on the front counter. My friend has stopped by and we end up talking for a minute when a woman comes in and joins our conversation. At the end of our conversation, this scene comes into play:)

Woman: “Hey, can I ask you something?”

Me: “Sure! What can I do for you?”

(She leans in over the counter a little and glances around to see if anyone is watching.)

Woman: “I need five dollars. Do you have any on you?”

Me: “Um… No, I don’t have anything on me. What do you need five dollars for?”

Woman: *casually, as if there’s nothing weird about this scenario* “I just needed some money to buy a soda.”

Me: “Oh, you mean for here?”

(Our drinks are about a dollar plus tax, and I notice she only has a dollar with her. Right before I’m about to offer to pay for her drink, she cuts me off.)

Woman: “No, I wanted to get a pop from [Store down the block]. Are you sure you don’t have any money?” *she leans over and peers into the tip jar beside her* “I wouldn’t want you to take anything from the tip jar or the register, because [Manager who isn’t there] would probably rip you a new one.”

(At this point, I’m freaked out and annoyed at her persistence, even though I have told her four times that I don’t have money on me and I’m not giving her money from the tip jar or the register.)

Woman: “Well, are you sure you don’t have any in your coat pocket?”

Me: “I don’t. I’m broke.”

Woman: “Can you go look?”

(I hesitated, thinking she was going to steal from the tip jar while I’m away, but thankfully my friend had been standing behind the woman the entire time and kept an eye on her while I went back and talked to my coworker, who was also the acting manager for the evening. I explained what was going on, and she came back with me to try and get the woman to leave. As soon as the woman saw my coworker, she acted like nothing had happened and left. Apparently this woman is a known drinker and frequently comes around trying to bum money off of people. She’s even shown up at my coworker’s house!)

Understanding Has Gone From Eleven To One

, , , , | | Right | May 29, 2018

(I work at a pizza delivery place in town. Whenever a customer calls for a delivery, we have to confirm their phone number and address before taking their order.)

Me: *after confirming phone number* “And is this for eleven-sixteen [Street]?”

(There is a ten second pause between the question I asked him and his response.)

Customer: “Um… No. I have a new address now.”

Me: “Okay, do you mind giving me your new address for your order?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s one… one… one… six, [Street].”

Me: “So, eleven-sixteen [Street].”

Customer: “Uh… Yeah.”

(I couldn’t tell if he was just messing around or if he was serious. Either way, I got a good laugh out of it that night.)

Try Not To Interpret Too Much Into This

, , , , | Right | April 9, 2018

(I am working the register one busy Saturday with two of my other coworkers. A kind, older gentleman steps up to order while talking to someone on his cell phone.)

Me: “What would you like to order?

Customer: *points to the phone* “My wife would like to order a coffee. Here.”

(He hands me his cell phone and I, without thinking, take it as though it is the most natural thing in the world.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. What would you like to order today?”

(She says something about iced coffee and I ask her if she would like cream and sweetener in it. At this point, the older gentleman points to the phone.)

Customer: “It helps if you put it on speaker.”

(I press the speaker button and continue with the order, after which I hand the phone back to the man and he pays. One of my coworkers gives me a weird look and I explain:)

Me: “Just go with it. Maybe he didn’t want to be an interpreter.”

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