You Have Goth To Be Kidding

, , , , , | Friendly | May 5, 2018

(We just finished auditioning for “High School Musical” and are making small talk with the director, who knows most of us pretty well. The audition dealt a lot with the different cliques in the show and how they would be portrayed, so our conversation inevitably drifts to that.)

Actor: “I asked [Musical Director] if we could have an emo clique, but he said emos can’t be in musicals.”

Director: “Well, actually, I’m thinking there will be a group of… I think I’ll call them, ‘Utility Students’… who will play different things in different scenes. Like, sometimes if I need two extra brainiacs, they’ll be brainiacs. So they’ll probably be emos and goths for at least one scene.”

Actor: *extremely cheerful and upbeat* “Yes! I am amazing at being emo! Like, seriously, I know I’m wearing a colorful sweater right now, but my entire wardrobe is black and blacker. I’m the most emo person you’ve ever met!”

(They didn’t seem to catch the irony.)

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Don’t Hate The Player; Hate The Seller

, , , , , | Working | April 18, 2018

(I’m at a fairly popular gaming store in search of a video game that came out yesterday. The company producing the video game is notorious for not producing enough stock.)

Cashier: “Can I help you?”

Me: “Uh, yes. I was wondering if you had [Game]?”

Cashier: “I think they’re all sold out except pre-orders. Hold on.”

(He goes around to computer. I follow him and stand across the counter.)

Cashier: “Yeah, looks like we only have pre-orders. You really should have pre-ordered it; they never stock enough.”

Me: “Well, not usually games… I know they didn’t stock much of [Console #1] or [Console #2]—”

Cashier: *interrupting before I can finish the name of [Console #2]* “No. They always sell out. You should have pre-ordered it. Wait, it looks like we do have one. But only one. So, you should have pre-ordered it.” *turns around to grab the game*

Me: “I guess. But I didn’t really have the money—”

Cashier: *still not facing me, incredibly judgemental* “You didn’t have five dollars?”

Me: *I pause, taken off-guard by his tone* “I didn’t know if I would have the money to pay it off when it came out.”

Cashier: *now talking to and looking at me like I’m a small child* “You can pay a little bit at a time. A little money here… a little money there… and then you’re guaranteed to have the game.”

Me: “I’ll think about it.”

Cashier: “You should have pre-ordered it.”

Me: “Well—”

Cashier: “You’re guaranteed the game.”

Me: “…”

Cashier: “Do you have a rewards card?”

Me: “Not with me. Is there an alternate ID option?”

Cashier: “Phone number.”

Me: “Uh…”

(It’s my brother’s card, but I can’t remember his phone number. I reach for my phone to load it up, hoping the card has more than one number attached.)

Me: “It might be [Dad’s Phone Number].”

Cashier: “Nope.”

Me: *looking at my brother’s phone number* “Oh, it’s—”

Cashier: *interrupting me again* “Your total is [price].”

(At this point, I was tired of his attitude and just wanted to get out of the store, so I didn’t push the issue and just handed him the money. After handing me the game, he started to say something else. Fortunately, one of my friends ran in and gave me the excuse to talk to him and leave before I had to listen to anything else. I understand that pre-ordering can be a good choice and, yes, it guarantees you the game, but seriously? You don’t get to reprimand your customers for not pre-ordering. That’s not cool.)

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Will Not Apologize For That Phrasing Choice

, , , , | Related | October 10, 2017

(A local theater company my family has been involved with for many years has recently gone through a change in leadership, resulting in some… unique situations. Many of the recent decisions have come across as direct attacks against me and my family, including the recent shutdown of a popular, successful, and influential teen group that I was president of, only to be replaced a few days later by a group that has no apparent differences except that we are not involved and the board, presumably, has much more control. While I hold no ill will against them for this, my parents are less forgiving.)

Mom: “Sometime before the first meeting of the new group, I want to post exactly what led up to the shutdown of the first group.”

Me: “Uh, okay, great, but… when you post it, can you try to be a little less confrontational than will come naturally to you?”

Mom: “Oh, don’t worry. I’m going to phrase it as an apology.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

Mom: “Yes, I’m going to apologize that we got the group shut down by refusing to be the board’s doormats.”

Me: “…”

Mom: “Because we stood up for what we believed in, instead of bowing down to their so-called supremacy created through shadow government. They decided the only solution was to snatch the group away from all of the teens and create a new one where they have all the power.”

Me: “…O-Oh.”

Mom: “Not what you were thinking?”

Me: “I think we’re back to my original question.”

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A Special Kind Of Miserable That Lasts All Day

, , , , , | Right | October 6, 2017

(I’m a cashier, and a customer enters my line just past noon.)

Customer: “Good morning!”

Me: “Well, technically it’s not anymore.”

Customer: “Aw, it’s always morning! There are always eight more hours to get things done.”

Me: “But if it was always morning, then I’d always be miserable. Wait, that’s accurate. Good morning, sir.”

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Cross You Off The List

, , , , | Related | October 6, 2017

(My parents are visiting me at school for the weekend, and on Sunday morning we go out to breakfast. Between family weekend and a banquet in back, the restaurant is fairly crowded, especially for such a small town. After breakfast, my mother and I wait outside for my father to pay, and the hostess pops in and out to look for parties who are enjoying the sunshine while waiting to be seated.)

Hostess: “I’m looking for a ‘Cross’ party.” *looks at my mother and me* “Are you Cross?”

Me: “No, we’re quite pleased.”

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