(My mother and I have decided to get a dozen donuts from a famous donut store. They have a light that indicates when the donuts are freshly baked, which is on when we pull into the drive-thru. We order a dozen plain donuts, as well as one specialized donut for each of us. When we pull up to the window to pay and get our donuts, an employee sticks his head out and say:)

Employee #1: “So… our fresh donuts are just about to go into the grease, which means they’ll be another five to seven minutes. But we have a dozen ready that have been sitting out for about five minutes. Would you rather wait to get them fresh, or have a dozen now?”

Mom: “Oh, we can wait.”

Employee #1: “Okay! It’ll just be about five to seven minutes.”

(He takes our card and gives us our specialized donuts, which we begin eating. Less than two minutes later, another employee appears with a box of donuts.)

Employee #2: “Here you go.”

(He hands my mom the box and then disappears. The problem? It’s completely cold. We’ve been given the box that was sitting for five minutes. We stay at the window for a couple of minutes and [Employee #2] eventually returns.)

Employee #2: “Was there something else?”

Mom: “Well… these donuts are cold. The other cashier said that if we waited, we would get fresh ones.”

(She holds the box out, expecting him to take it back since we haven’t opened it or touched the donuts. The employee sighs deeply, clearly frustrated.)

Employee #2: “I wish he would have told me that. It’ll be a few minutes.”

(He vanishes. Mom is still holding the donuts.)

Me: “So… Do we just get these for free, or…?”

Mom: “I don’t know?”

(A minute or so later, [Employee #1] returns.)

Employee #1: *harshly* “I’m sorry about his ignorance. He’s new. You can have a free dozen. Your fresh ones will be out in a minute.”

(He disappears before we can say anything. On the one hand, we just got a free dozen donuts; on the other hand, what the heck just happened? When [Employee #1] comes back with our fresh donuts, my mom says:)

Mom: “This isn’t going to get you two in trouble, is it? We didn’t touch the other box, so you can just take it back.”

Employee #1: “No, it’s fine. Have a good night.”

(We left, still wildly confused at what was going on between those two employees.)

(My parents and I are sitting in the ER waiting room, waiting for my mom’s test results to come back. It’s very early in the morning, and the waiting room is quite small, so the few of us in there are all within eyesight of each other, except one woman sitting on the other side of a pillar from us. We’ve been there for a few minutes when a nurse comes in, carrying an armload of cleaning supplies. She walks over to the woman behind the pillar.)

Nurse: “Where was that man sitting?”

Woman: “Oh, three chairs over from me.”

(You can see everyone in the room count three chairs over from this woman… where another woman happens to be sitting. As soon as she realizes this, she tenses up and the guy next to her recoils away. The nurse awkwardly approaches.)

Nurse: “I need to clean this chair. The man who was sitting there had an… um… accident in his pants.”

(She immediately gathered all of her stuff and moved chairs, whispering somewhat-panicked statements to her male companion about whatever it was she was sitting in without realizing. We were called back before her, but the rest of the time we were there, she was sitting on the edge of her new chair, trying to touch as little as possible. You know you’re having a bad day when you’re in the ER at 1:00 am and find out you’re sitting in a stranger’s “accident.”)

(We just finished auditioning for “High School Musical” and are making small talk with the director, who knows most of us pretty well. The audition dealt a lot with the different cliques in the show and how they would be portrayed, so our conversation inevitably drifts to that.)

Actor: “I asked [Musical Director] if we could have an emo clique, but he said emos can’t be in musicals.”

Director: “Well, actually, I’m thinking there will be a group of… I think I’ll call them, ‘Utility Students’… who will play different things in different scenes. Like, sometimes if I need two extra brainiacs, they’ll be brainiacs. So they’ll probably be emos and goths for at least one scene.”

Actor: *extremely cheerful and upbeat* “Yes! I am amazing at being emo! Like, seriously, I know I’m wearing a colorful sweater right now, but my entire wardrobe is black and blacker. I’m the most emo person you’ve ever met!”

(They didn’t seem to catch the irony.)

(I’m at a fairly popular gaming store in search of a video game that came out yesterday. The company producing the video game is notorious for not producing enough stock.)

Cashier: “Can I help you?”

Me: “Uh, yes. I was wondering if you had [Game]?”

Cashier: “I think they’re all sold out except pre-orders. Hold on.”

(He goes around to computer. I follow him and stand across the counter.)

Cashier: “Yeah, looks like we only have pre-orders. You really should have pre-ordered it; they never stock enough.”

Me: “Well, not usually games… I know they didn’t stock much of [Console #1] or [Console #2]—”

Cashier: *interrupting before I can finish the name of [Console #2]* “No. They always sell out. You should have pre-ordered it. Wait, it looks like we do have one. But only one. So, you should have pre-ordered it.” *turns around to grab the game*

Me: “I guess. But I didn’t really have the money—”

Cashier: *still not facing me, incredibly judgemental* “You didn’t have five dollars?”

Me: *I pause, taken off-guard by his tone* “I didn’t know if I would have the money to pay it off when it came out.”

Cashier: *now talking to and looking at me like I’m a small child* “You can pay a little bit at a time. A little money here… a little money there… and then you’re guaranteed to have the game.”

Me: “I’ll think about it.”

Cashier: “You should have pre-ordered it.”

Me: “Well—”

Cashier: “You’re guaranteed the game.”

Me: “…”

Cashier: “Do you have a rewards card?”

Me: “Not with me. Is there an alternate ID option?”

Cashier: “Phone number.”

Me: “Uh…”

(It’s my brother’s card, but I can’t remember his phone number. I reach for my phone to load it up, hoping the card has more than one number attached.)

Me: “It might be [Dad’s Phone Number].”

Cashier: “Nope.”

Me: *looking at my brother’s phone number* “Oh, it’s—”

Cashier: *interrupting me again* “Your total is [price].”

(At this point, I was tired of his attitude and just wanted to get out of the store, so I didn’t push the issue and just handed him the money. After handing me the game, he started to say something else. Fortunately, one of my friends ran in and gave me the excuse to talk to him and leave before I had to listen to anything else. I understand that pre-ordering can be a good choice and, yes, it guarantees you the game, but seriously? You don’t get to reprimand your customers for not pre-ordering. That’s not cool.)

(A local theater company my family has been involved with for many years has recently gone through a change in leadership, resulting in some… unique situations. Many of the recent decisions have come across as direct attacks against me and my family, including the recent shutdown of a popular, successful, and influential teen group that I was president of, only to be replaced a few days later by a group that has no apparent differences except that we are not involved and the board, presumably, has much more control. While I hold no ill will against them for this, my parents are less forgiving.)

Mom: “Sometime before the first meeting of the new group, I want to post exactly what led up to the shutdown of the first group.”

Me: “Uh, okay, great, but… when you post it, can you try to be a little less confrontational than will come naturally to you?”

Mom: “Oh, don’t worry. I’m going to phrase it as an apology.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

Mom: “Yes, I’m going to apologize that we got the group shut down by refusing to be the board’s doormats.”

Me: “…”

Mom: “Because we stood up for what we believed in, instead of bowing down to their so-called supremacy created through shadow government. They decided the only solution was to snatch the group away from all of the teens and create a new one where they have all the power.”

Me: “…O-Oh.”

Mom: “Not what you were thinking?”

Me: “I think we’re back to my original question.”