Charitable Mis-Trust

, , , , | Right | December 16, 2009

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] calling on behalf of the [Charitable Organization]. Am I speaking with Mrs. [Customer]?”

Customer: “Yes, what’s this about?”

Me: “Well, I’m calling because you pledged a $100 donation to the [Charitable Organization] but, unfortunately, the donation was never received. Would you like me to send you a return envelope?”

Customer: “I never pledged $100. Are you sure you have the right name?”

Me: “Well, maybe the donation was made by your husband. It will take me a few moments to get to that screen on my computer and then we can get this all straightened out.”

Customer: “No, my husband would’ve told me if he’d pledged money. I really think you have the wrong number.”

Me: “According to our records the pledge was made under the name ‘Ryan’. Is that your husband?”

Customer: “No. That’s my nine-year-old son.”

Me: “Oh… I’m so sorry, ma’am, that pledge should not have gone through the system. I can cancel it for you if you’d like. I really do apologize.”

Customer: “No! Don’t cancel it. If he promised you $100, then by God, he’s going to have to find a way to pay you that $100!”

Me: “Ma’am, really, that’s not necessary. Our reps should have verified his age before accepting a donation from him. Really, it’s no trouble at all for me to cancel it for you.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not very happy with my son right now, and I know a nine-year-old boy who’s really not going to be happy when he gets home from school. At least someone should get something out of this! Thank you for bringing this to my attention…”

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By Land, Air, And Crazy

, , | Right | November 26, 2009

(I’m an Air Cadet packing bags at a store in return for donations.)

Customer: “So, what are you collecting for?”

Me: “Air Cadets, ma’am.”

Customer: “Army cadets, ‘ay?”

Me: “No, ma’am… Air Cadets.”

Customer: “I used to be an Army Cadet. I loved being on them big old boats.”

Me: “I think you were a Sea Cadet.”

Customer: “Well, anyway, I’ll always donate to the Army Cadets. Stop them d*** Air Cadets from ruling the sea!”

Me: “But ma’am… we fly, not sail.”

Customer: “No, that can’t be right! It was them d*** sea cadets that did that flying business. No, air cadets were the ones who were always crawling through mud.”

Me: “But ma’am, I–”

Customer: “Well, this should give you enough to buy a new sail. I don’t know why I donate so much, you know!” *hands me an old three pence piece*

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Putting Your Foot In It

, | Right | November 19, 2009

(My friend and I are door-knocking to raise money for a charity.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, we’re collecting for [Charity]. Would you like to donate?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, sure!”

Me: “Thank you, we really appreciate it!”

Customer: *pauses and suddenly glares* “Don’t look at my feet.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “You heard!”

(We can’t help it and sneak a look at her feet. She is wearing frog slippers.)

Customer: “DON’T F***ING LOOK AT MY FEET!”

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The Free-Range Children Are Out Back

, , | Right | February 12, 2009

(We are the charity for a small but state-of-the-art kids hospital, and run tours for potential donors, maximum six people per tour.)

Me: *on the phone* “Hello, [Charity]; how can I help?

Caller: “I want to organize a visit.”

Me: “Okay, great. What day?”

Caller: “Next Wednesday. Now, tell me, is there somewhere they can stop and eat?”

Me: “There’s a cafe nearby.”

Caller: “Good. Am I right that there is an area where the patients can be petted?”

Me: “Uh…”

Caller: “Never mind. Where can I park the coach?”

Me: “…coach?”

Caller: “Yes, we want a visit for fifty elderly people. Your representative said it was possible.”

Me: “I’m so sorry, we can only take six people at a time.”

Caller: “Well, what are the rest of them going to do?!”

Me: “Okay, can I ask who told you it was all right to bring more than six people?”

Caller: “Yes! She definitely said it was all right! We had an initial talk by a lady who brought along her lovely Labrador…”

Me: “…”

Caller: *realizing* “This isn’t the Dogs’ Trust Hospital that I’ve called, is it?”

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Generosity Which Knows No Bounds

, , , , , | Right | January 20, 2009

(We are having a toy drive. If you buy and donate any $5 toy, you can receive 20% off your entire purchase. A woman wearing a fur coat is buying five bags of toys.)

Me: “Ma’am, would you be interested in donating a toy today? Since your total comes to $400, you’d save $80–”

Customer: *angrily* “My husband and I donate to CHARITY, so I don’t think I need to be guilt-tripped into your awful little toy drive!”

Me: “Your total is $400, then.”

Customer: “Is there any way I can get a discount?”

Me: “No… No, I’m afraid not.”


This story is part of our Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup!

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