Caller: “Hello, my cellphone bill is more than it is supposed to be.”

Me: “Okay, I see that your bill is $4.00 more than normal. Let’s see why.”

Caller: “You had better figure this out. I’m not going to pay it if you’re trying to screw me!”

Me: “I see the problem, You actually called Canada.”

Caller: “I have nationwide calling! I can call Canada if I want to.”

Me: “Actually, if you have nationwide calling, you’re only okay in the United States.”

Caller: “So? Canada is part of North America.”

Me: “Yes, but not the United States…”

Caller: “What about Colorado?”

Me: “Yes, Colorado is okay.”

Caller: “What about… Vietnam?”

Me: “Umm, no, that would be a bit international.”

Caller: “Fine! I’ll pay it this time, but maybe you guys should be a bit more clear on what your national service consists of!”

(An elderly man walks into my cellphone store.)

Customer: “My phone doesn’t work.”

Me: “Okay, sir, what is it doing?”

Customer: “It’s not calling.”

Me: “Did anything happen before it quit working?”

Customer: “No, it just quit.”

Me: “I’m going to do a test call. Can I call your phone, sir?”

Customer: “Yes. It rings; it just won’t call.”

Me: “Hmm, okay. If it takes calls, it should send calls.”

(I call his phone and it works.)

Customer: “Well, it doesn’t call out! Are you stupid?”

(I call my phone with his and it works. I show him my ringing phone.)

Me: “Sir, it seems like your phone is working. It’s calling my phone now.”

Customer: “NO! Call [phone number].”

Me: “So, it’s only not working when you call that number?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “There must be a problem with that person’s phone…”

Customer: “NO! I have to call them! It must be YOUR fault!”

(I call the number and hear an electronic signal.)

Me: “Sir, it’s a fax number.”

This story is part of the Customers-Are-To-Blame roundup!

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(I am a customer at a cell phone store, observing the following exchange.)

Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, but your phone has water damage, which isn’t covered by the warranty. You will have to purchase a new phone.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I haven’t gotten the phone wet!”

Employee: “Have you used the phone in the rain? Sometimes, that’s all it takes to get the internals wet enough to damage the device.”

Customer: “Well, yes, but that doesn’t make any sense! Cows are in the rain all the time and they don’t die!”

Employee: “…”

Me: *interjecting* “Sir, cows aren’t electronic devices.”

Customer: *storms out*

This story is part of our Somehow Even More Weather roundup!

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(A customer wants a better plan than her current 150 minutes/month. I notice she never uses more than 100 minutes or so a month.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, since our plans have changed and this amount of minutes seems to be perfect for you, I’m happy to tell you that I can give you the exact same plan for $30 a month and save you $10 a month.”

Customer: “That’s not a deal. I said I wanted something better than what I have.”

Me: “This is better. You’ll save $120 a year and based upon your usage, so this is perfect for you.”

Customer: “How is this better for me if it’s the same plan? I don’t want to change.”

Me: “So you don’t want me to change this to a $10 per month cheaper plan?”

Customer: “I said NO! I don’t want to save money if I get no more minutes out of it.”

Me: “Deal.”

This story is part of the Customers-Are-Their-Own-Worst-Enemy roundup!

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