(I am at the front door at my store greeting customers when a customer comes in. I remember helping him activate a warranty replacement phone I ordered for him the previous week. Keep in mind that I am a white guy.)

Customer: “Is that black guy here today?”

Me: “You know his name?”

Customer: “Is [My Name] here?”

Me: “That’s me.”

Customer: “You sure?”

Me: “Uh, yes.”

Customer: “Huh. You sure that’s you?”

Me: “Yes, sir. I check every morning.”

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(I’m a part-time cellphone salesman and a full time web development student.)

Customer: “So, if I buy this smartphone, I will need to cancel my home internet, right?”

Me: “Why do you think that, ma’am?”

Customer: “What, are you an idiot? You can’t have email in more than one place.”

Me: “Um, yes, you sure can, ma’am.”

Customer: “What do you know? You’re just a kid in a cellphone store. My husband knows everything there is to do with computers. He works at [clothing store].”

Me: “Well, ma’am, not only do I work here, but I am also in IT and guarantee you that you can have your e-mail on your cell and computer.”

Customer: “You’re an idiot. You don’t know anything!” *storms out without her new phone*

(Back when they were new, a customer walks in with an expensive 4G phone. It comes pre-loaded with the ‘Iron Man 2’ movie on the SD card.)

Me: “Welcome to [Store]! How can I help you?”

Customer: “I have a problem. When I click on the Iron Man icon, it says ‘wrong memory card’. Why is that?”

Me: “Is that the original memory card that came with the phone?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “The movie is on the original memory card.”

Customer: “So, why isn’t it working?”

Me: “Because you changed memory cards.”

Customer: “Why’d I do that?”

Me: “I couldn’t tell you why you changed it.”

Customer: “Oh! This one had my p*rn!”

(The customer waves and walks out.)

(This happens just after a customer finishes purchasing a phone and is asking what accessories it comes with.)

Customer: “So this comes with an STD card, right?”

Me: “An SD card?”

Customer: *realizing what she said* “OH! I meant an SD card! Oh my God!”

(I am explaining to a customer that his cellphone is not covered under warranty because is suffering from water damage.)

Customer: “But I didn’t get it wet!”

Me: “You told me you took it to the foam night party at the local bar.”

Customer: “Yes, but that’s foam, not liquid.”

Me: “Did you notice that you came out wet, though?”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s not water! How can it be liquid damage?!”

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