Say No To A CEO

| Montreal, QC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology

(I am alone when an older man walks in from the cold.)

Customer: “So, where is it!?”

Me: “The new Blackberry? Right there on display!”

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “It is [price] on a three-year term.”

Customer: “But without a plan?”

Me: “Well, we only do term plans.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(He starts to leave, and has one hand on the door and starts to push it open. Suddenly, he turns back to me.)

Customer: “At what monthly rate?”

Me: “Well, they start at [price].”

Customer: “What does that give!? Seven-Bajillion minutes!? I am [name], the CEO of [Wholesale Warehouse]. You don’t know who walks through those doors! It’s your job to create interest in the product!”

Me: “Sir, you were not interested in obtaining a plan, and were halfway out the door.”

Customer: “You have to keep me in the store! You’re f****** terrible!”

Me: “Excuse me!?”

Customer: “What? Excuse me what!?”

Me: “You swore at me. I don’t accept that.”

Customer: “F***! F***! This is Canada! I can swear all the f*** I want! I stayed at Richard Branson’s private island! You are f****** incompetent! You can’t do your f****** job, and are f****** horrible at it too! I don’t know what the f*** you are doing here!”

Me: “Leave. Now.”

Customer: “Not like I was going to stay!”

H2Slow, Part 4

| Blacksburg, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A customer walks into store with a phone that’s not working. It’s raining outside.)

Customer: “Hey man, my phone stopped working. Can you get me a new one?”

Coworker: “Do you have insurance? The watermarks show that the phone has gotten wet.”

Customer: “No, I don’t, but I’ve never gotten my phone wet!”

Coworker: “Well, it clearly did at some point. Were you by any chance using it while it was raining?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was earlier, but that wouldn’t have done it, would it? Would rain get my phone wet?”

Coworker: “Is rain made out of water?”

Customer: “Ohh… right…”

Related:
H2Slow, Part 3
H2Slow, Part 2
H2Slow

You Got The Wrongest Number, Part 7

| Mercer County, NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I work for a franchise of a major cell phone company in the US.)

Customer: “I just had a woman call me on my cell phone. Can you look up her information and tell me her last name and address?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but unless you are listed on the account as an authorized user I cannot give away any personal information.”

Customer: “Well then, can you add me as an authorized user so I can see her address?”

Me: “No, sir, only the account holder can add or remove authorized users.”

Customer: “Well she called me and I want to find her; what can I do?”

Me: “Call her back?”

Customer: “I can’t do that; after she gave me her name she realized it was a wrong number and hung up!”

Me: “So let me get this straight, you want me to look up a customer’s number, add you as an authorized user, give you her name and address, and you don’t even know her?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Sir, you need to leave.”

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 6
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number