Gives New Meaning To Hands-Free Phone

| Related | October 1, 2016

(I work in a popular cellphone carrier business. This woman and her little nephew come in to discuss an issue with a bill. He asked a question to his aunt and I was very surprised at the kid’s response. Keep in mind, he must have been four.)

Nephew: “[Aunt], can I see your phone?”

Customer: “Sure, what’s the rule?”

Nephew: “If I drop your phone, you’ll chop off my hands!”

(He seemed very excited by the response and the customer nodded her head “good” before going through her purse and handing it to him. He didn’t drop the phone.)

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Roaming Ever Closer

| Right | September 30, 2016

(This is a call from a regular customer.)

Caller: “Hi there, I need to add international calling to my plan.”

Me: “That’s great. What country will you be going to?”

Caller: “Canada.”

Me: “Okay, what you need to do is call customer care and they can add a small international roaming package on, and they can also get you the best rates.”

Caller: “Oh, okay, I’ll do that.”

(Not even five minutes later, I get a call from a different number, out of state.)

Caller: “Hey, I tried to call them, but my phone told me I was roaming and it wouldn’t connect the call.”

Me: “That’s odd. Well, I can try to call Customer Care for you and see if they can add it on or at the very least, try and give you a call. When exactly will you be needing this package added on?”

Caller: “Well, we are about two hours from the Canadian border, so as soon as possible.”

Me: “…”

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Wasn’t Going To Tell You For A Few Generations

| Working | August 31, 2016

(I use an old, un-hackable mobile phone and buy prepaid air-time to avoid billing hassles. When the service provider changes hands I go to their center to see about a package deal. I decide to stay with prepaid air-time but the supervisor has to open a station to make the charge. While waiting for the program to come up she ignores me and starts lecturing the sales rep, waving my credit card around in her hand.)

Me: *uncomfortable* “Could you make the charge in the meantime, please?”

Supervisor: *to me* “The program hasn’t come up yet.”

(Finally the charge is made and I wait to get notice on my mobile. No message, and no service either. The supervisor has disappeared.)

Me: “No message has come in!”

Clerk #1: “Oh, you have to turn it off and then on again before it shows.”

(I do so three times but nothing happens. I go in search of the supervisor.)

Clerk #2: “You can’t come back here; she’s on her break!”

(I sit down to wait, fuming a little. After several minutes one of the clerks looks over at me.)

Clerk: “Oh! There’s no ‘second generation’ reception here. You’ll have to take it outside for it to work!”

Me: “And you couldn’t have told me this ten minutes ago?!”

(The phone worked and still works well outside – which is more than the staff were doing inside!)

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Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 3

| Right | June 28, 2016

Customer: “I have had this phone for two and a half months and the screen is already broken. Don’t you guys stand next to your products?”

Manager: “Of course we do, if it is defective, but no electronic store can cover hardware physical damage for free. That’s why most places offer insurance on their products. We also sell cases and screen guards to decrease the risk of damage in the instance of dropping or scratches.”

Customer: “I don’t believe in insurance. If the product was built poorly enough to need a case and a screen guard it should have come with one. I mean cars come with bumpers.”

Me: “But if you total your car, a bumper isn’t going to do you any good. Nothing is indestructible. Even cars have insurance and deductibles if you get into a wreck. The only difference in this instance is that you decided to keep it out of its “seatbelt” and have denied any insurance we have tried to offer you for the entire length of time you have been with this carrier.”

(The customer kept grumbling about our incompetence and how he should be given a new phone because we need to stand by our product.)


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Can No Longer Handle Your Baggage

, | Right | March 24, 2016

(I work inside a mall for an authorized retailer of a certain big company when I receive a phone call…)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “Ya, hi. Umm, I have a bag phone I’d like to activate. Can y’all do that?”

(A bag phone was an early mobile-phone that had to be carried around like a bag or a back-pack.)

Me: “Well, uhh, how old is the phone?”

Customer: “I bought it brand new in 1996! Best phone I ever had. Been out of the world a spell and would like to get my phone hooked back up.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but your phone is not compatible with our network anymore. If you’d like we can get you set up with a new phone that is compatible.”


Me: “Well, they’re heavy, unwieldy, and put off way more radiation than today’s phones. Also, and sir, this is the important bit, they’re not compatible anymore. Your phone uses an analog technology. We all use digital now. I’m sorry, there’s literally no way to use your bag phone.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll just call your competitor and have them do it.”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

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