Our Service Plan For Life And Death

| UK | Working | October 23, 2015

(I’m the staff member, and the idiot in this story. I am serving a very elderly couple (at least in their 90s) who are both very sweet and understand and appreciate how patient I am with their questions, as technology is not their strong suit. They begin to say their goodbyes.)

Customers: “Thank you very much, young lady; your customer service was brilliant.”

Me: “You’re welcome. Come back anytime with any questions. My name is [My Name] and I’ll always be happy to help.”

Customers: “We definitely will!”

Me: “Okay, guys; enjoy the rest of your days!”

(The look I received made me want to sink into the earth and die! I was so embarrassed! One slip of the tongue and I sounded like Lucifer announcing their deaths! I have yet to see them return.)

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 7

| Southampton, England, UK | Right | December 4, 2014

(The shop is just about to close for the day when a customer comes in with a very minor issue, and while I am sorting the problem my colleague has closed the doors. The fix doesn’t take long, and I have just escorted the customer to the door to let him out when he appears to remember a separate issue:)

Customer: “Oh, yes, while I’m here I was wondering if you could take a look at this weird line that keeps showing up when I use my maps app. Now, where was it..?”

(He zooms right out on the maps so the whole world map is virtually visible.)

Customer: “Here we are, you see? Straight through Africa there”

Me: “Uh.. That’s the equator, sir. There’s not much I or anyone else can do about that, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “Well, it definitely wasn’t there before.”

Me: “I think it probably was…”

Related:
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 6
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 5
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4

Covered For The Next 20 Years

| Alexandria, VA, USA | Right | November 10, 2014

Employee: “How can I help you, sir?”

Me: “I just bought this phone yesterday and I can’t hear anyone who calls me. They sound muffled and tinny.”

Employee: “Ah, I know what your problem is.”

(I haven’t even shown him my phone yet, so I assume he’s going to give me some smart-a** presumptuous answer.)

Employee: “Did you leave the plastic cover on the screen that ships with the phone?”

Me: “Well, yeah, at least until I buy a good screen protector.”

Employee: “…”

Me: “Oh. It covers the speaker, too, doesn’t it? That’s rather embarrassing.”

Employee: “Don’t worry; you’re not the first to come in here with that problem.”

Me: “Oh, good, that makes me feel better.”

Employee: “But you are the youngest by about 20 years.”

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Remotely Stupid

, | Canada | Right | October 10, 2014

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cellphone Carrier]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi! I would like to update my cellphone.”

Me: “Sure! I can help you. I see you have an iPhone. Can you please go into your settings?”

Customer: “Oh! Do I have to do it? I thought you had to press a button from your computer and work your magic.”

Not Just The Sound Quality That’s Terrible

| Lantana, FL, USA | Working | August 14, 2014

(A week before I bought a new phone because my old one had screen death. The new phone is a fairly expensive model that just came out last summer.)

Me: “Hi. I wish to pay my bill and ask you about an issue.”

(After paying the family phone bill of over $160:)

Me: “I bought this phone about a week ago when my old one died, but the sound quality is horrible. Everyone I speak to sounds like they are in a tunnel with static. Do you know any tricks or tips about this brand and model phone to help with that?”

Clerk: “Yeah, don’t buy a crappy phone next time! NEXT CUSTOMER!”

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