We’ll Send The Internet Through The Mail

, | Right | April 13, 2017

(I get a live transfer from an Internet repair level-one agent who sends us tickets to test and troubleshoot some technical stuff with the customer. The level-one agent advises me that the customer has a defective Internet modem. Keep in mind, it’s three pm and the techs only work till five pm in her town.)

Me: “Hi, I’m told you have a defective modem?”

Customer: *impatience already in her voice* “Yeah, I need a new one today!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, our policy is to send you one in the mail. Can I verify your mailing address?”

Customer: “What? No! I need you to send a technician to my house today to change my modem for me. I had this problem at my office and they came to fix it the same day! I need it TODAY!”

Me: “How long has your Internet been down? I can have a modem to you in two days.”

Customer: “You listen here! I’ve had no service for five days and because nobody has come to fix it yet, I have to call and waste my time talking to you. Now, I want my Internet working TODAY! Never mind; transfer me to someone else that can help me.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. My manager can also arrange a modem to be mailed out.”

(I hit transfer before she continued to yell at me and told the story to my boss before transferring… Guess what? He mailed her a modem!)

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Providing Out-Of-The-Box Service

, | Right | March 27, 2017

(I am another customer in the store purchasing a new phone charger and I overhear this conversation between a manager and an older man. The older man had purchased the phone online from some website that’s not run by this service provider, but had it activated under them. The man’s phone rings; the ringtone is a popular rap song by a female artist. He answers his phone and can hear the manager who has called it but the manager can’t hear him.)

Manager: “I think the problem is the speaker on your phone. You can hear me, but I can’t hear you. And you said something about the ringtones?”

Older Man: “They were all just already on there. It came with them.”

Manager: “See, that’s not normal. Okay, what we can do for you in here today is cancel this phone line and you can purchase a new phone but—”

Older Man: “I don’t understand. If the phone is broken why do I have to pay for a new one?”

Manager: “Well, you can always contact whoever you purchased it from and see if there’s a warranty on it. But it wasn’t from us, so if you want us to fix it, there will be a charge. I can see if you’re eligible for your upgrade.”

Older Man: “I JUST bought the thing! It was brand new right out of the box! If you’re not providing me with a service then why am I even here?”

Manager: “Sir, we are providing you with a service. We are the phone company that you use, but we didn’t supply the phone. Whoever sold you that phone probably sold you a damaged phone.”

Older Man: “They couldn’t have! It was brand new right of the box!”

(Just then his phone rings and he answers it.)

Older Man: “Hello? Hello?” *hangs up* “THIS IS RIDICULOUS. YOU NEED TO FIX MY PHONE!”

Manager: “We can certainly do that, but there will be a charge, unless you contact whoever it was that you purchased the phone from. If it’s under warranty with them then they will send you a new phone for free.”

Older Man: “So I’m supposed to go several days without a phone?! This is ridiculous. I shouldn’t have to wait! I don’t know why I have you as a phone company when you won’t provide me service!”

Manager: “Sir—”

(At this point my transaction was finished and I walked out of the store this man cursing about needing to make phone calls. Somehow I don’t think Nicki Minaj comes standard on brand new out of the box phones, though….)

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Conclusions Are Good For The Competition

| Working | March 13, 2017

(My brother and I are both First Nations Indians and while we both work we live in an area with a high population of First Nations people on social assistance. My brother and I are buying a few groceries and it happens to be the first of the month, the day the assistance checks come out. In the grocery store there is a mobile shop and since I need a new phone for work and my brother wants to upgrade, we decide to stop in. As we walk in the door the guy at the counter stops us.)

Employee: “Sorry, folks, we don’t do pre-paid phones here.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Employee: “I said we don’t do pre-paid phones here, only contract phones. I’ll tell you right now not to waste your time. It requires a credit check and if you’re not working you won’t pass, so…”

Me: “Actually my contract with [Competitor] is up and I needed a new phone for work. I was looking for [Most Recent Android] with a minimum of 4 GB of data.”

Brother: “And I’m an existing client; I wanted to upgrade my iPhone.”

Employee: *suddenly very cheery at the prospect of a nice commission* “Oh! Well then, let me show you—”

Me: “Actually, I’ll tell you right now not to waste your time. You just jumped to conclusions about us so I think I’d rather stay with [Competitor].”

Brother: “My phone is paid off; I think I’ll switch over to [Competitor]. They might appreciate my business.”

(The look on his face as his commission walked out the door was priceless. When we got home we made sure to file a complaint. We still go to that grocery store but we haven’t seen him there in a long time.)

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Hope He Gets One With The Exploding Battery

| Right | March 8, 2017

Coworker #1: “Hello, can I help you with anything today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I want to know about the new Samsung phone. How much is it?”

Coworker #1: “Well, right now it’s—”

Customer: *interrupting* “How much is it for a used one?”

Coworker #1: “I’m not actually sure.”

(The customer turns to my other coworker.)

Customer: “How much would a used Samsung phone be?”

Coworker #2: “Sorry, sir, we don’t actually sell used phones here.”


(He then turns to me.)

Customer: “Obviously these two are useless. how much is that phone if I buy it used?”

Me: “We don’t have pricing for items we don’t sell, and I couldn’t honestly give you an accurate estimate either.”

Customer: “You’re all f****** useless! Can’t even answer a simple f****** question!”

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H2-Slow, Part 12

| Right | January 29, 2017

(A customer and her daughter walk in to the store. The daughter has a water damaged phone due to her sweating so much through her pants, where her phone was in her pocket.)

Me: “I’m afraid you will have to take it to a corporate location to get it repaired or replaced.

Mother: *coming to the sudden realization that liquid might not be the best thing for a phone* “So water is bad for phones, right?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mother: “So if I use my phone to play my music in the shower, will that hurt it?”

Me: “Yes, it’s water.

Mother: “What if I put my phone in a bag?” *pause* “Oh, well, that won’t work. I have to plug my headphones in…”


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