(I work in a call center for a major phone carrier.)

Caller: “We’re supposed to have our service activated today, but we have no service.”

Me: “All right, let me go ahead and see what I can find out for you.” *accesses customer’s account, notices a vital network cable is being replaced and has no estimated time of completion* “Well, there is a local outage in your area, as there is an area cable that needs to be replaced, and they have to specially order the cable.”

Caller: “Well, we open tomorrow. Is there any way you can run a temporary line for us? We need a way to run credit cards and keep customers entertained while they wait.”

Me: “Unfortunately, the cable that provides service to your area is being replaced, and they have to order it.”

Caller: “Well, can’t you just use the box on the back of the building?”

(I goes on like this for a few minutes: the customer asking for a temporary line, or using the box on the back of their building; me reiterating that the network cable was needing replacing. Eventually, I have to pull this line out of my sleeve:)

Me: “What I can do, if you’d like, is set up a time to call you back, and update you on the situation?”

Caller: “I don’t see why you can’t just run a temporary line to the box on the back of the building…”

(Overheard at work:)

Coworker: “Your latency is because an earthquake severed an underwater cable. You’re currently being routed around the longer side of the fiber ring. And unfortunately, it will be weeks before a ship can run a new cable.”

(Pause.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry. Did you just ask me for advanced notice of service-impacting earthquakes?”

Related:
Demanding To A Fault(line)

This story is part of our Earthquake roundup!

Read the next Earthquake roundup story!

Read the Earthquake roundup!

(I use an old, un-hackable mobile phone and buy prepaid air-time to avoid billing hassles. When the service provider changes hands I go to their center to see about a package deal. I decide to stay with prepaid air-time but the supervisor has to open a station to make the charge. While waiting for the program to come up she ignores me and starts lecturing the sales rep, waving my credit card around in her hand.)

Me: *uncomfortable* “Could you make the charge in the meantime, please?”

Supervisor: *to me* “The program hasn’t come up yet.”

(Finally the charge is made and I wait to get notice on my mobile. No message, and no service either. The supervisor has disappeared.)

Me: “No message has come in!”

Clerk #1: “Oh, you have to turn it off and then on again before it shows.”

(I do so three times but nothing happens. I go in search of the supervisor.)

Clerk #2: “You can’t come back here; she’s on her break!”

(I sit down to wait, fuming a little. After several minutes one of the clerks looks over at me.)

Clerk: “Oh! There’s no ‘second generation’ reception here. You’ll have to take it outside for it to work!”

Me: “And you couldn’t have told me this ten minutes ago?!”

(The phone worked and still works well outside – which is more than the staff were doing inside!)

(My wife, working in the community, had a “small business” contract with a major mobile phone provider. Her job changes to working in a residential unit, and so therefore no longer needs to use the facilities of the “small business” contract as her call volume drastically reduces. She contacts the provider, and the person she speaks to says: okay, not a problem; we can sort that out for you; consider that done. She has just logged onto her account to use some of the facilities that she enjoys, and is dismayed to find that these facilities have “not yet been enabled for a small business account.” So she rings them up.)

Wife: “I just tried to do [Function] but was told I could not do so because I have a small business account. But I specifically told your operative that I wanted to change to a personal account.”

Helpdesk: “Yes, well, you can’t just change the account type over the phone. You have to fill out a form.”

Wife: “Why was I not told this when I applied in the first place?”

Helpdesk: “That is not my concern. You have to download the form from our website, print it out, scan it back in, then email it back to us.”

Wife: “But I haven’t got a working printer. I never use a printer. Why would I want to fork out to get a new printer just to print your form out? Can’t you just send me a copy of this form by snail mail?”

Helpdesk: “We don’t do that any more. Everything is online now.”

Wife: “Well, can’t I just download the form, fill it in electronically, and then email it back?”

Helpdesk: “No, you have to print it out and scan it back in; you can’t do it any other way.”

Wife: “Since I can’t do that without getting a new printer, which I completely don’t want to do at the moment, I’m going to have to take my business elsewhere. You’ve just lost a loyal customer of years’ standing.”

(When she rang off, I told her she should have demanded to escalate the problem to a supervisor or a manager, because that sounded wrong to me. How can it not be possible for such a high-tech company not to have an online form that could be filled in online and processed completely automatically?)

(I am calling to get the phone number transferred from my old phone to the new one I just purchased. Once the request is processed, this conversation takes place.)

Customer Service Representative: “Now that the number transfer is complete, you’ll need to cancel the old phone.”

Me: “How do I do that?”

Customer Service Representative: “You can request that through me.”

Me: “Okay… Would you please cancel the old phone?”

Customer Service Representative: “May I ask why you would like to cancel this phone?”

Me: “…Because I don’t need two phones?”