H2-Slow, Part 12

| TX, USA | Right | January 29, 2017

(A customer and her daughter walk in to the store. The daughter has a water damaged phone due to her sweating so much through her pants, where her phone was in her pocket.)

Me: “I’m afraid you will have to take it to a corporate location to get it repaired or replaced.

Mother: *coming to the sudden realization that liquid might not be the best thing for a phone* “So water is bad for phones, right?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mother: “So if I use my phone to play my music in the shower, will that hurt it?”

Me: “Yes, it’s water.

Mother: “What if I put my phone in a bag?” *pause* “Oh, well, that won’t work. I have to plug my headphones in…”


Keep Going Simpler Until He Bytes

| OH, USA | Right | January 13, 2017

(I work in a retail store and I pick up a phone call. It is not abnormal for us to have people ask questions over the phone for rate plans and device info.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering about your prepaid plans. How much are they?”

Me: “The $50 plan gets you unlimited talk text and data with 1GB of 4G and the rest 2G speeds.”

Customer: “Oh okay. I have 2.5 GB right now…”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “Which is more?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Is 1GB more than 2.5GB?”

Me: “2.5GB is more than 1GB, sir.”

Customer: “Oh… how much more is it?”

Me: “I’m sorry? How much more is 2.5GB than 1GB?”

Customer: “Yeah…”

Me: “Uh…”

(I go on an elaborate explanation breaking down 1GB to approximately 1000 MB and 2.5GB to 2,500MB and hoped he could see the difference between the two better that way.)

Customer: “Um… okay… so…”

Me: “It’s double and a half more.”

Customer: “Oh! Double and a half! Okay! Thanks!”

Me: “You have a nice day, sir…”

(I could think of no simpler way to explain basic arithmetic to him.)

Doesn’t Fit The Bill

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Right | January 4, 2017

(A customer comes into the store and comments her bills are higher than they should be. She has looked at her bill and it’s saying she’s calling people she doesn’t know. I sit the customer down and log into her account.)

Customer: “I’ve just seen my bill and it’s £50.”

Me: “The last abnormally high bill you had was three months ago.”

Customer: “No it says it’s £50; I looked before I came in.”

Me: “Do you mind showing me how you are viewing your bill?”

Customer: “No problem.”

(She starts by clicking the link in her text to view her bill, and then proceeds to click on the link to use the app. Once in the app store, she then showed me where it showed me her bill and the random people she had called. Turns out she had been viewing the example photos of how the app worked.)

Unhappy Holidays, Part 5

, | Houston, TX, USA | Right | December 21, 2016

(I’m the manager at a small neighborhood cell phone shop in the most diverse city in the US. On any given day, I encounter customers from a good dozen different cultures. More than half of my customers are originally from another country or are the first generation born here, and a good percentage of them are Muslim, Buddhist, or Hindu [as is our store owner], and I’m an atheist. I absolutely love the holidays, all of them. Celebrating for any reason is awesome to me, and I like to include everybody so I say “Happy Holidays” unless someone beats me to it and says “Merry Christmas,” then I say “Merry Christmas to you, too.” It is the Sunday before Christmas.)

Me: *to my customer as she and her mother open the door to leave* “Thank you for choosing [Carrier]. You’re going to love the service and if you need any help or have any issues you can stop by anytime and we’ll be glad to help you out. Have a great day and Happy Holidays!”

Customer’s Mother: “It’s Merry Christmas! Merry CHRIST-mas! Not happy holidays. Christ is the reason for the season. We just had the most beautiful service at church about how nobody respects Christ during Christmas anymore!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, Merry Christmas to you, too!”

Customer: “You don’t have to be so rude, Mom. Maybe she’s Jewish!”


Will Roam Around For A Second Opinion

| NJ, USA | Working | November 22, 2016

(My mother is not the most tech savvy person, so she usually comes to me with her phone problems. The other day she told me her phone kept dying despite charging it all the time. I figured it was either the charger, the port on the phone, or the battery itself, so on Sunday afternoon we take it to the local phone store. To start, the store is completely empty. We stand at the counter and notice the backroom door open. My mom takes a peek inside before someone finally runs out wearing a football jersey and asks how he can help us. I explain the phone situation and ask what he thinks the problem is. He takes the phone into the backroom and reappears ten minutes later.)

Jersey: “It’s a roaming issue.”

Me: “Roaming issue?”

Jersey: “Yeah, if the phone thinks you’re roaming it sometimes does that.”

Me: “You mean to tell me that because of my geographical location, the phone won’t charge correctly?”

Jersey: “Yeah.”

Me: “Are you sure it’s not the battery, or the charger, or something?”

Jersey: “Nope, it’s a roaming issue.”

(At this point there is cheering from the backroom and the employee becomes noticeably agitated and fidgety.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll just turn the roaming off.”

(As soon as we left, the employee ran into the back room. We called tech support and learned it was just the battery and a replacement was sent. I recommended a replacement for their store manager as well.)

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