I’m busy repairing a smartphone, and since the heads of the franchise thought that having the workbench visible to the customers is a great idea, I’m in a position where customers can talk to me and see what I’m doing.

A customer with her two kids enters, trying to sell her smartphone, and my business partner begins talking to her. Meanwhile, the kids begin looking at the refurbished smartphones. While the older (ten or eleven) shows restraint, the younger (four or five) begins screaming and touching the phones with all the care of a rhino.

Obviously, the mother doesn’t say anything. Thankfully, my partner does.

Partner: “Please stop touching the phones.”

And he continues talking to the mother. The store phone rings and I get up to answer. While I’m talking on the phone, the younger child starts screaming, so I move to the back so I can understand what the customer on the phone says.

I come back to the front and see my partner escorting the customer and the kids to the door.

Partner: *Politely but firmly* “Please get out.”

Me: “What happened?”

Partner: “Once you went to the back, the younger kid tried to throw himself on your workbench with the opened phone, screws, etc., and I caught him by pure luck. In all of this, the kids’ mother didn’t scold the kid even once!”

I work in the technical support call center for a major smartphone manufacturer, and I receive the following call.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Major Phone Manufacturer]. My name is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “This morning I changed my password and now my phone won’t charge. I’ve tried several different charging cables that all worked yesterday. What did you do to my phone?”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that your phone isn’t charging. Have you tried holding the power button for ten seconds?”

Customer: “Yes, and it won’t turn on. It’s completely dead. What did you do to it?”

Me: “I assure you that I didn’t do anything to your phone. I am sorry that this happened. I’d be happy to set up service for you to have the phone repaired.”

Customer: “I can’t bring the phone to your store and I can’t mail it in. Why did changing my password cause my phone battery to die?”

Me: “It didn’t. The two things have nothing to do with each other. It’s just a coincidence.”

Customer: “It can’t be a coincidence. It was working fine yesterday, and now the phone is dead and it won’t charge. Why did you ruin my phone?”

Me: “Two things can happen on the same day and have nothing to do with each other. Imagine: a person who has never drunk any coffee in his entire life wakes up one morning and decides to have a cup of coffee. He leaves the house, and while crossing the street, he gets hit by a bus. Did drinking coffee cause him to get hit by the bus?”

Customer: “What is your name?”

Me: “It’s [My Name].”

Customer: “My husband is rolling his eyes at how rude that comment was.”

Customer’s Husband: “What does coffee have to do with anything?”

Me: “I don’t mean to be rude, but that’s exactly my point. Coffee doesn’t have anything to do with a bus, and your password has nothing to do with your phone’s battery.”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager.”

Me: “Sure. Hold, please.”

I then transferred the call to my supervisor and explained what had happened on the call. He had a good chuckle and took the call.

I open a ticket to [Cell Phone Company] software centre, including the software, the type of bug, and the version number.

Support: “Your problem is soon to be solved. But we need some more information; please include: 1, software; 2, type of problem; 3, version number.”

I return the email with the information already provided. I get the same response. I open another ticket, fill in the boxes, and so on in an identical way. And I get the same response. Eventually, I end up sending TEN identical tickets and getting no solution, just a constant back-and-forth with requests for further information from me. I get fed up and phone the head boss in Stockholm.

Head: “I’ll be sure to follow up on your bug!”

Then, I get an angry email from the [Cell Phone Company] development department.

Development: “We have over ten tickets from you, but you refuse to tell us the version number, the software, or the kind of problem.”

Me: “I will not use your services anymore. Thank you.”

I am a customer in a cell phone store, getting a new phone, and my first smartphone! My old phone is ten years old and only now starting to die. As the representative is helping me choose a phone and get everything set up, a man walks in the front door.

Representative: “Hello there, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hey, uh, I was wondering… Do you take passport photos here?”

Representative: “Passport photos? Uh… no?”

Customer: “Oh… do you know where I could get them?”

Me: “I think they do them at the post office.”

Customer: “I tried there, but they said their machine was broken or something.”

Representative: “Have you tried [Store]?”

Customer: “No, they said they weren’t working, either. Do you know anywhere else?”

The representative and I both shrug.

Customer: “Okay, thank you.” *Leaves*

Representative: “Why would you come into a phone store for a passport photo?”

Me: “Well… I mean… phones have cameras, right?”

A customer storms into the store and slaps a phone on the counter. It’s completely dead.

Customer: “I need a refund! Your phone is faulty!”

Me: “What happened to it, sir?”

Customer: “I left it in my jacket pocket and put my jacket in the washing machine.”

I’m about to state the obvious but he interrupts me.

Customer: “I know what you’re gonna say, but I’ve got you there! My jacket has a label that says fully waterproof! So it’s your fault! Refund me!”

Related:
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 43
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 42
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 41
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 40
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 39