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Not Even In Line And Out Of Line

| USA | Bad Behavior, Technology, Time

(Our customers who come in are served on a first-come, first-serve basis, since it typically takes anywhere from 15-45 minutes per person depending on what they need. It’s a Sunday, several of our staff are on vacation and several others have called off sick, and there’s already nine people waiting for various services. As I go to call the next customer who has been patiently waiting for close to two hours, a female customer who has just entered walks up to me.)

Customer #1: “I need help.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but we’re quite busy. Can I get your name to add to the waiting list? We’ll have someone with you as soon as possible.”

Customer #1: “I just have a quick question, though. Shouldn’t take more than a few seconds.”

Me: “I suppose if it’s just a quick question, I can help. Then after I can take your name down if you’ll need further help.”

Customer #1: “Good, I just need to know if you’re taking trade-ins for [Older Model Cellphone] to get money off of the new updated version.”

Me: “As long as it’s in working condition, we absolutely do.”

Customer #1: *trying to hand me her old cell phone from her purse* “Great. Well, I’ll just give you this, and I’d like [Newer Model Phone]. I want the silver-colored model if possible. I also want a case. I’m not picky about it, but preferably one that’ll last. I also want to switch my data plan. I only have 2 gigs now, but I wanna up it to 4 because I’ve been going over a bit. Also, we need to add my husband to our plan and to get him a phone. He doesn’t want anything fancy, though.”

Me: *refusing to take her phone* “I’ll be able to help you with that. Can I just your name for the waiting list?”

Customer #1: “Oh, I just wanted to do it now.”

Me: “Unfortunately, ma’am, we have a number of people who have been waiting to be assisted. I can take your name down though, and assist you shortly.”

Customer #1: *narrowing her eyes* “But I want to do this now.”

Me: “Ma’am, we have a waiting list. I have to help people on a first-come, first-serve basis.”

Customer #1: *starting to fume* “Well, I’m not waiting.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I need to be helping the next person on our waiting list. If you’d like, I can take down your name, but unfortunately I won’t be able to assist you at the moment.”

Customer #1: *screaming* “But I don’t want to wait! If they’ve all been waiting, surely they won’t mind waiting a little longer.”

(Everyone is now looking. Another customer who is standing nearby chimes in.)

Customer #2: “I’ve been waiting over an hour. As a matter of fact I DO mind having to wait longer just because you can’t be bothered to wait like the rest of us!”

Customer #1: “Go to h***!”

(She storms towards the door, turning before she leaves…)

Customer #1: “This is terrible customer service, you know! I shouldn’t have to wait! You took my question, that means I am being helped first and foremost!”

Customer #2: “No, you’re just a terrible f****** customer!”

Customer #1: “You shut your mouth, you f****** hog!”

(Another voice pops up.)

Customer #3: “Uh… [Name]?”

(Customer #1 turned and saw another customer who seemed to recognize her, and was staring at her in shock. She went red and bolted, leaving the rest of the room snickering and laughing. It’s always fun to see someone like this get embarrassed by their own behavior. Unfortunately, I didn’t find out who the other customer was or how they knew the woman.)

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Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 3

| UT, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

Customer: “I have had this phone for two and a half months and the screen is already broken. Don’t you guys stand next to your products?”

Manager: “Of course we do, if it is defective, but no electronic store can cover hardware physical damage for free. That’s why most places offer insurance on their products. We also sell cases and screen guards to decrease the risk of damage in the instance of dropping or scratches.”

Customer: “I don’t believe in insurance. If the product was built poorly enough to need a case and a screen guard it should have come with one. I mean cars come with bumpers.”

Me: “But if you total your car, a bumper isn’t going to do you any good. Nothing is indestructible. Even cars have insurance and deductibles if you get into a wreck. The only difference in this instance is that you decided to keep it out of its “seatbelt” and have denied any insurance we have tried to offer you for the entire length of time you have been with this carrier.”

(The customer kept grumbling about our incompetence and how he should be given a new phone because we need to stand by our product.)

Related:
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 2
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance

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Can No Longer Handle Your Baggage

, | AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, Technology

(I work inside a mall for an authorized retailer of a certain big company when I receive a phone call…)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “Ya, hi. Umm, I have a bag phone I’d like to activate. Can y’all do that?”

(A bag phone was an early mobile-phone that had to be carried around like a bag or a back-pack.)

Me: “Well, uhh, how old is the phone?”

Customer: “I bought it brand new in 1996! Best phone I ever had. Been out of the world a spell and would like to get my phone hooked back up.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but your phone is not compatible with our network anymore. If you’d like we can get you set up with a new phone that is compatible.”

Customer: “WHAT THE H*** GOOD IS IT TO BUY A NEW PHONE?! I ALREADY HAVE A BAG PHONE! WHY CAN’T I USE THE PHONE I HAVE?”

Me: “Well, they’re heavy, unwieldy, and put off way more radiation than today’s phones. Also, and sir, this is the important bit, they’re not compatible anymore. Your phone uses an analog technology. We all use digital now. I’m sorry, there’s literally no way to use your bag phone.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll just call your competitor and have them do it.”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

Hiding In Plain Sight

, | AR, USA | Extra Stupid

(I manage an authorized retail location for a major cellphone company.)

Me: *to customer coming in the store* “Hello! How can we help you today?”

Customer: “I need to start new cellphone service.”

Me: “Great! Let’s just go over to my desk so I can get some information from you to get started.”

Customer: “I am so glad to not have to deal with those jerks at [Company we sell service for].”

Me: “Um, you are dealing with one of said jerks right now…”

Customer: “You mean this isn’t [Competitor with a completely different log, color scheme, and name]?”

Me: “No, sir, sorry.”

Customer: “Well, HOW DARE YOU DISGUISE YOURSELF AS [Competitor]!” *storms out*

Me: *to coworker* “You would think the four-foot letters over the door, the sign right there on the wall, the logos everywhere, and my name badge would have been enough…”

Jumps Straight To Red Alert

| USA | Extra Stupid, Spouses & Partners, Technology

Woman: *slams a phone on the counter* “You’re going to block her, right now!”

Me: “Uh… Welcome to [Store], ma’am. Can I help you?”

Woman: *very slowly* “You’re… going… to… block… her… noooowww.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I got that the first time. Who am I blocking and why?”

Woman: “Amber! She keeps calling my husband and I think he’s meeting her on the side! I want her blocked! I’ll pay you double if you trace her.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t trace people here. I don’t think it’s possible or even legal for us to do so, even if we could. May I see the number?”

(She pulls it up in her history and I feel a part of me die inside.)

Me: “Ma’am… that’s an Amber Alert.”

Woman: “I know! BLOCK HER NOW!”

Me: “Ma’am, an Amber Alert is a nationwide message sent to all phones telling people to be on the lookout for abducted children. You probably have one, too.”

Woman: “Isn’t she just stalking me?”

Me: “No, ma’am. She’s telling you to currently be on the lookout for a missing little girl named [Child’s Name], taken in a white Subaru about a day ago. The Amber Alert is not trying to steal your husband.”

(After much coaxing, the woman left, still skeptical and still eyeing her phone suspiciously. My coworkers still laugh about it.)

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