Their Brain Is Not Fully Charged

, , , , | Right | September 16, 2017

Customer: “I think my phone is broken.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, and I’d love to assist you. Can you describe the issue?”

Customer: “People say that they’ve called me, but my phone never rings.”

Me: “Do you have your phone with you? May I see it?”

(The customer hands over his phone. It is immediately apparent what the problem is.)

Me: “Sir, it appears that your phone is off, and the battery is completely dead.”

Customer: “I need to charge my phone?”

Me: “Yes, sir, that’s it.”

Customer: “I thought I only needed to do that if I wanted to make calls.”

Me: “No, your phone will need to be charged in order to use it for anything.”

Customer: “Are you sure about that?”

Me: “Yes, I’m completely sure.”

Customer: “Because I thought you only needed to charge it if you were making calls.”

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Not So Hot On The Hotspot

, , , | Right | June 27, 2017

(I work in chat. The customer says that her hotspot isn’t working. She cannot connect her phone to it but the laptop will.)

Customer: “My phone is unable to connect to its [Hotspot On Device]. My laptop does and so do other devices.”

Me: “You want to connect the hotspot on your phone to that same phone. Is that correct?”

Customer: “Yes, I want to connect the hotspot to my [Cellphone] but it doesn’t seem to work.”

Me: “You cannot do that.”

Customer: “They didn’t tell me that when I added it.”

Me: “I do apologize, but you cannot connect that hotspot to the device that is on. It would be using its own data.”

Customer: “So when I don’t have service in a area, I can’t connect my phone to the hotspot? It’s weird because when I added it, it connected to my [Cellphone].”

Me: “No, you cannot. You have to use an external hotspot if you are in an area with no service.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. It’s weird because one of my friends had a [Different Cellphone Model] and I didn’t have a working phone so I used it as a wifi hotspot.”

Me: “Again, that was an external source. Your phone cannot connect to itself. Your regular service and your devices data work on the same network. If one does not have data, the other will not either.”

Customer: “I never knew it was like that. So my personal opinion is ‘who would pay $50.00 for someone to use your hotspot?’.”

Me: “The hotspot is so other devices can connect to your data.”

Customer: “Why?”

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The Answer Is Always 42

, , , , | Working | June 25, 2017

(A little bit of backstory: I receive a phone from my parents for Christmas one year. As part of the gift, they agree to pay the contract for the first two years (the length of the contract), at which point it will be transferred to me. However, I go away to university in this time, so we set up with the company that I have the authorisation to speak on behalf of my father in case there are any issues while I am away from home.)

Me: “Hi, I’m having a problem with my account. It’s under [Father], but I should be on your system as having authorisation to speak on his behalf? My name is [My Name].”

Customer Service Rep: “Okay, yes, I see, ma’am. That is absolutely fine. We will require the answer to the account holder’s security question in order to continue, though.”

(I know the answers that my father would give to most standard security questions; however, since the account was set up in my absence, I don’t know which question he set.)

Me: “Okay, that should be fine. Can you tell me what the question is?”

Customer Service Rep: “No.”

Me: “…why not?”

Customer Service Rep: “You are not the account holder.”

Me: “But I have the authority to speak in his stead. You’ve already said that your system acknowledges that.”

Customer Service Rep: “I cannot divulge that information.”

Me: “But… look, it’s not as if I’m asking for a hint, or for you to tell me the answer. I’m asking for the question. That information is useless without the answer.”

Customer Service Rep: “I can’t tell you.”

Me: *giving up* “I’ll get in touch with my father and call you back.”

(He couldn’t remember which question he’d used either. Luckily, my mother could.)

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What Bad Form!

| Working | August 11, 2016

(My wife, working in the community, had a “small business” contract with a major mobile phone provider. Her job changes to working in a residential unit, and so therefore no longer needs to use the facilities of the “small business” contract as her call volume drastically reduces. She contacts the provider, and the person she speaks to says: okay, not a problem; we can sort that out for you; consider that done. She has just logged onto her account to use some of the facilities that she enjoys, and is dismayed to find that these facilities have “not yet been enabled for a small business account.” So she rings them up.)

Wife: “I just tried to do [Function] but was told I could not do so because I have a small business account. But I specifically told your operative that I wanted to change to a personal account.”

Helpdesk: “Yes, well, you can’t just change the account type over the phone. You have to fill out a form.”

Wife: “Why was I not told this when I applied in the first place?”

Helpdesk: “That is not my concern. You have to download the form from our website, print it out, scan it back in, then email it back to us.”

Wife: “But I haven’t got a working printer. I never use a printer. Why would I want to fork out to get a new printer just to print your form out? Can’t you just send me a copy of this form by snail mail?”

Helpdesk: “We don’t do that any more. Everything is online now.”

Wife: “Well, can’t I just download the form, fill it in electronically, and then email it back?”

Helpdesk: “No, you have to print it out and scan it back in; you can’t do it any other way.”

Wife: “Since I can’t do that without getting a new printer, which I completely don’t want to do at the moment, I’m going to have to take my business elsewhere. You’ve just lost a loyal customer of years’ standing.”

(When she rang off, I told her she should have demanded to escalate the problem to a supervisor or a manager, because that sounded wrong to me. How can it not be possible for such a high-tech company not to have an online form that could be filled in online and processed completely automatically?)

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Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 36

| Working | July 18, 2016

(I am calling to get the phone number transferred from my old phone to the new one I just purchased. Once the request is processed, this conversation takes place.)

Customer Service Representative: “Now that the number transfer is complete, you’ll need to cancel the old phone.”

Me: “How do I do that?”

Customer Service Representative: “You can request that through me.”

Me: “Okay… Would you please cancel the old phone?”

Customer Service Representative: “May I ask why you would like to cancel this phone?”

Me: “…Because I don’t need two phones?”


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