I am passed to a customer by my manager. She has already worked with someone and got too fed up and angry to deal with them, so she was sent to me.

Customer: “I need a phone without a contract because I’m taking it out of the country. It’s a gift for a relative!”

Me: “Okay, I can help you.”

Customer: “Good, because the last man to help me was so stupid! He didn’t know what he was talking about! I’m going to get him fired! You’d better know what you’re doing, or I’ll get you fired, too!”

Me: “I am sorry to hear that, ma’am. I’ll do my best to—”

Customer: “I know the manager. He will be fired!”

She then turns to her son and points him back to the department she came from.

Customer: “Go get the nametag of that man who couldn’t help us before! He’s the dark one with no hair. Go find him!”

I’m beginning to learn why my coworker got fed up with this customer.

Anyway, we get to the payment part, about $700, and her card is swiftly declined. She flies into a rage.

Customer: “The last man to help me stole my card number and locked up my account! He’s sooooo getting fired!”

It makes sense to me that he might’ve tried to swipe her card for the transaction too many times and her bank or credit card company put a hold on the card. She eventually has to call and berate her husband and leave to get cash out of the ATM.

She never comes back. I did feel the need to check in with the coworker who helped her though, and I explain what happened.

Coworker: “Huh, I never even got to the payment part. I didn’t touch her card.”

Me: “Oh, so why did she come to me, then?”

Coworker: “The thing that pissed her off was the fact that she had to pay sales tax. In her mind, she shouldn’t have to pay sales tax to America because she was taking the phone and using it out of the country.” 

She tried to get both of us fired. She did not succeed.

Related:
The More You Read, The Worse It Gets, Part 9
The More You Read, The Worse It Gets, Part 8
The More You Read, The Worse It Gets, Part 7
The More You Read, The Worse It Gets, Part 6
The More You Read, The Worse It Gets, Part 5

This saga starts when I switch from a cell phone provider I pay to one the government pays for. I’m disabled, so anything that saves money helps. The representative for the government provider tells me:

Representative: “Oh, it’s okay. We told the other guys to cancel.”

Clearly, believing this is my first mistake.

My bills were on autopay, so the next month, I get an odd email from the previous provider saying I paid for a service I never used.

I ring them up.

Me: “Hello. I switched SIM cards and haven’t actually used this service in a month. Would you mind getting rid of this charge?”

Agent #1: “I can’t do that, but I can cancel your service going forward.”

This is probably illegal, but I have no money for a lawyer, so I sigh and agree.

The next month, another email tells me my account is being canceled because I owe them $62.

I go to their chat line and hit up an agent, explaining.

Agent #2: “Can I have your PIN?”

Me: “…It’s been two months. How long do you expect me to have a PIN memorized?”

Agent #2: “I’ll have to transfer you.”

Sigh. I sit around and twiddle my thumbs. (I knit a lot, so I spend some time test-knitting my pattern and discover that I have an extra stitch.) As annoying as this is, these are minimum-wage nobodies with no power and no training beyond a script, if that. Patience is a virtue. I really need to figure out how to fix that one dang stitch.

Agent #3: “What’s your PIN?”

Me: “I just explained… Oh, never mind. Try [PIN I use for non-secure passcodes] or [second PIN I keep in reserve].”

Agent #3: “That worked! What’s your issue?”

Did you even read the prior chat?

Me: “As I already explained, I was charged for a month of service I never used after I canceled.”

Agent #3: “That’s a billing concern, and I’m a tech support agent. Let me transfer you.”

Insert “How many agents does it take to change a lightbulb?” joke here.

So, I wait. More twiddling my thumbs. For some reason, it takes over twenty minutes to get billing online. This is possibly a strategy to make people give up when falsely charged. I frog and re-knit the pattern with a better stitch count.

Billing Agent #1: “Hi. How can I help you?”

Me: “…you didn’t read the chat.”

Billing Agent #1: “I understand your concern. How can I help you?”

Me: “When you’re done dealing with the Decepticon threat, Autobot, I was charged a month’s bill after I canceled.”

Billing Agent #1: “I understand your concern. I can credit you 20% of the bill. How would you like to pay?”

Me: “…I have not received the services you are charging me for because I am not using your SIM card. It is an ex-SIM card. It has gone to the Great Beyond. It is no longer with us. It has met its maker.”

Billing Agent #1: “I understand your concern.”

Me: “I’m going to come back in a bit.”

I log off, consider my options regarding a lawyer, and then decide to give them one more good-faith attempt to read the words I am typing since that’ll probably go over better in small claims court.

I log in again. I do the song and dance with a tech agent of PINs and passcodes. I get to a billing agent.

Me: “I have not used your SIM card in two months. I called and canceled last month. Please do not make me do the Monty Python parrot sketch again so you understand that I am not paying for a service I never received.”

Billing Agent #2: “…They charged you when you canceled? Yeah, I can get rid of that charge and cancel your account for real. I’m sorry about that.”

Me: “Thank God.”

Billing Agent #2: “Can’t do anything about older charges because of policy, sorry.”

Me: “Yeah, I can’t afford a lawyer, so I’m just giving up on that money. It’s not coming from groceries, so I’ll live. Thank you for reading what I typed.”

Five minutes later, I was free and the bill was dropped.