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Keep Going Simpler Until He Bytes

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a retail store and I pick up a phone call. It is not abnormal for us to have people ask questions over the phone for rate plans and device info.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering about your prepaid plans. How much are they?”

Me: “The $50 plan gets you unlimited talk text and data with 1GB of 4G and the rest 2G speeds.”

Customer: “Oh okay. I have 2.5 GB right now…”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “Which is more?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Is 1GB more than 2.5GB?”

Me: “2.5GB is more than 1GB, sir.”

Customer: “Oh… how much more is it?”

Me: “I’m sorry? How much more is 2.5GB than 1GB?”

Customer: “Yeah…”

Me: “Uh…”

(I go on an elaborate explanation breaking down 1GB to approximately 1000 MB and 2.5GB to 2,500MB and hoped he could see the difference between the two better that way.)

Customer: “Um… okay… so…”

Me: “It’s double and a half more.”

Customer: “Oh! Double and a half! Okay! Thanks!”

Me: “You have a nice day, sir…”

(I could think of no simpler way to explain basic arithmetic to him.)

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Roaming Ever Closer

| OH, USA | Technology

(This is a call from a regular customer.)

Caller: “Hi there, I need to add international calling to my plan.”

Me: “That’s great. What country will you be going to?”

Caller: “Canada.”

Me: “Okay, what you need to do is call customer care and they can add a small international roaming package on, and they can also get you the best rates.”

Caller: “Oh, okay, I’ll do that.”

(Not even five minutes later, I get a call from a different number, out of state.)

Caller: “Hey, I tried to call them, but my phone told me I was roaming and it wouldn’t connect the call.”

Me: “That’s odd. Well, I can try to call Customer Care for you and see if they can add it on or at the very least, try and give you a call. When exactly will you be needing this package added on?”

Caller: “Well, we are about two hours from the Canadian border, so as soon as possible.”

Me: “…”

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 47

| Manchester, NH, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(I’m working with a particularly impatient customer who just wants to upgrade but I’ve been having issues with the system. After calling several tech departments, I finally discover what the problem is.)

Me: “Ma’am, it looks as though you previously held an account with us that has gone into collections. Due to issues with our system at the time that you set up this new account, it has gone unnoticed until now. Unfortunately we will not be able to upgrade your phones until that account has been paid in full.”

Customer: “But that doesn’t make any sense. It was three years ago. They need to forget it.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not how debt works. You still owe us money and we can’t extend any more credit until it’s paid.”

Customer: *yelling now* “BUT IT WAS THREE YEARS AGO! IT SHOULD BE GONE!”

Me: “No, ma’am, it’s not gone until you pay it.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I’m going to another carrier. You just lost a customer.”

Me: “That’s very unfortunate, ma’am, and I’m sorry you feel that way. Would you like the number of the collection agency so you can pay us what you owe us?”

Customer: *takes phone number and attempts to dramatically storm out*

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 46
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 45
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 44

Taxing Faxing, Part 14

, | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(Customers will call to purchase service contracts for their mobile phones.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, but after your credit check, I am afraid that you will have to pay a deposit.”

Customer: “How?”

Me: “We can take payment usually over the phone. Or there is also a payment form that can be downloaded, printed, and either faxed or mailed to us.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll fax it!”

(The customer ended up faxing cash. That’s right, cash. He FAXED us four $100 bills! And then just couldn’t understand when we told him it wasn’t a valid method of payment…)

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 13
Taxing Faxing, Part 12
Taxing Faxing, Part 11

Take Note And Buy A Pen

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

(I answer the phone.)

Me: “[Store]. Hello?”

Customer: “Hi.I need the number for [Company] support.”

Me: “Okay, do you have a pen ready?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, here’s the number. [Number].”

Customer: “Could you repeat that?”

Me: “Sure.” *repeats number*

Customer: “D***. One more time, please?”

Me: *repeats number*

Customer: “D*** it!”

Me: “Can you not hear me or something?”

Customer: “I can hear you. I just don’t have a pen and paper. I was trying to memorize the number.”

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