Rick-Rolling On The Loudspeaker

, , , , , , | Working | January 17, 2018

(I work at a grocery store. One day, Rick Astley’s infamous song, “Never Gonna Give You Up,” starts playing over the store speakers, and as I listen, my coworker from another department interrupts the music and takes this opportunity to make an announcement over the P.A.)

Coworker: “Attention, customers! Come on back to the meat department, where we’re never gonna give you up. We’re never gonna let you down with sub-par product, so don’t run around to other stores and hurt us. I’m never gonna tell a lie and say we don’t have great deals, so don’t say goodbye. We’re never gonna desert you. Thank you for shopping at [Grocery Store]!”

They’re A “Special” Case

, , , , , | Right | December 26, 2017

(I work at a well-known craft and hobby store. This exchange happens between a customer and my manager.)

Customer: “I have a ceiling fan and I want to paint the part of the light fixture that houses the light bulb. What spray paint would you recommend for that?”

Manager: “Um… I wouldn’t recommend any spray paint for a light fixture. Spray paint is highly toxic and when the fixture heats up, it will smell and release chemicals into the air.”

Customer: “I know, but it’s either this or spend $200 dollars on another ceiling fan that I actually like. What about this one for appliances? It says, ‘special purpose.’”

Manager: “Yes, this one has a stainless steel finish. It will have the same problem, though.”

Customer: “But it says, ‘special purpose!’”

Manager: “It has actual metal in it. That’s why it’s special. It’s still not safe for what you want to do with it.”

Customer: “But it says, ‘special purpose.’”

No One Knows What’s In Store

, , , , , , | Working | December 4, 2017

(I’m the dumb employee in this story. I work at a craft supply store, but I used to work at a home improvement store. It was only a matter of time until something like this happened.)

Me: *answering the phone* “Thank you for calling [Home Improvement Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Wait, this is [Home Improvement Store]? I thought I was calling [Craft Store]!”

Me: “Oh, God. Yes. It is. You are. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “You used to work at [Home Improvement Store], didn’t you?”

Me: “What told you?”

(The customer asks whether we carry a specific item. I tell him we do, and that is that… until about half an hour later, when a man walks in with a big grin on his face and spots me at the front end.)

Customer: “IS THIS [HOME IMPROVEMENT STORE]?”

(It was the same guy! I’m pretty sure I turned bright red, but I also laughed.)

Every Five Minutes

, , , , , , | Working | September 25, 2017

(I am working in the drive-thru. It is a very busy Friday night during dinner rush, and it also happens to be a payday. This is before the proliferation of debit cards, so we only accept cash, and four out of five customers are paying with twenty dollar bills from their fresh paychecks. My drawer is running low of small bills to make change with.)

Me: “Hey, when you get a chance I need fives; they keep paying with twenties and I am running low on bills for change.”

Manager: “Okay, give me a minute.”

(The drive-thru line is wrapped around the building, and there is a steady stream of customers at the counter as well, but she manages to deliver some fives to me relatively quickly. However…)

Me: “Only 4 fives?”

Manager: “You don’t need any more than that.”

(The next two cars in line both order a single value meal, costing around six dollars each, and each pays with a twenty. After taking both payments, I make a new request for fives.)

Manager: “But I just gave you some a minute ago!”

Me: “And I used them to make change for two cars, and now I’m out of them again.”

(She returned another minute later with another 4 five dollar bills, and the cycle repeated where I needed more fives after a handful of cars. After yet another request for fives came in that five-minute period, she got the hint and came back with a hundred dollars worth of fives, ensuring that I would have enough change in reserve for the remainder of the dinner rush.)

When Someone Is A Complete D*ck It’s Breast To Ignore Them

, , , , , | Friendly | July 2, 2017

(I have a summer pass to a nearby public pool, and I go pretty often. During mid-June, I notice there is a woman and her baby who are there regularly. We don’t really talk, but I do make a few comments on how adorable her little girl is. The baby couldn’t have been more than a few weeks old. I saw her breastfeeding the baby a few times, but no one ever commented until one day in early July. Her baby starts crying, so the mother begins breastfeeding her. A man goes up to her, and just watches for a few seconds, then speaks to her.)

Man: “That is so disgusting. I can’t believe you’re doing that in public.”

Mother: “I’m just feeding my child.”

Man: “Well, at least don’t pull out your f****** t*ts in public! There are children here!”

Mother: “I’m not exposing anything, and I must feed my child. Please just mind your own bus—”

Man: *interrupting her* “I can see almost your entire t*t, you wh**e. So, if you can just whip out your t*t in public to feed that thing, does that mean I can whip out my d*** in public and—”

Me: *interrupting him, and VERY loudly* “YOU FEED SEMEN TO YOUR INFANT CHILDREN?!”

(Many people heard me, and almost all of them turned to look.)

Man: “What?! No. I would ne— I– I’ve never done— I wouldn’t do that.”

(He then scurried away, looking quite embarrassed.)

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