Wish You Could Take The Blue Pill And Forget

, , , , , | Healthy | October 8, 2018

(I’m a Certified Pharmacy Technician at a midwest grocery and pharmacy chain. I’m not exaggerating when I say I get far too many of these calls EVERY DAY.)

Me: *answers phone with usual friendly attitude* “This is [My Name] at [Pharmacy]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need a refill on my prescriptions.”

Me: *pulls up profile after asking for name and birthdate* “Okay, which ones did you need refilled today?”

Customer: “Oh… I don’t know the names.” *describing various pills*

Me: *sighs and facepalms* “Right, let me get you on with the pharmacist.”

(Long story short, folks: you, as the customer, are personally responsible for knowing exactly what goes into your body and what prescriptions need to be refilled. WE DON’T HAVE ALL DRUGS MEMORIZED JUST BY HOW THEY APPEAR IN OUR HEADS!)

Not Putting Yourself Into Pole Position

, , , , | Right | October 6, 2018

(I work at a women’s plus-size clothing store, and I am very energetic because I like my job and enjoy helping people. People have described me as cheerleader-like, and also very sweet, which is incredibly kind of them! One day I’m checking out a woman and her husband, and I’m dancing slightly to the music we have playing in the store, so I say a little joke I’ve said hundreds of times before.)

Me: *while ringing them up* “And you get a free dance with every purchase!”

Husband: “Oh? So where’s the pole?”

(The wife gasps, and I stop dancing and stare at him, flabbergasted that he would make such a sexual joke about me. He suddenly looks very sheepish.)

Husband: “Uh… Sorry. That sounded a lot better in my head.”

(At least he apologized!)

Not Even Solidarity Among Retail

, , , , | Right | October 4, 2018

(I work in the floral department at a grocery store. We have a lady who comes in often enough that we recognize her. She always dresses entirely in white and silver, and wears extremely heavy makeup: a thick layer of foundation that doesn’t match her skin tone, usually white or silver eyeshadow, and very pale, pink lipstick that is rarely, if ever, applied in the lines of her actual lips. She’s always snobby and picky about her flowers. The chain where I work has a fuel-saver program. You get a card that the cashier scans at the checkout, and for some items, you get a certain number of cents off your gas per gallon at the pump if you go to the gas station chain we partner with. It’s very popular and a lot of people participate.)

Customer: “Are these flowers the best? Because I want to make sure I get the best.”

Me: “Those are really nice flowers, for sure.”

Customer: “But are they the best? I have to have the best.”

Me: “Um… Yes, they’re the best.”

Customer: “Oh, wonderful. Just wonderful.”

(I ring her up.)

Me: “Do you have a fuel-saver card you’d like to use?”

Customer: “Oh, for crying out loud! No!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we have to ask—”

Customer: “No! I don’t use those! Who uses those?”

Me: “Um, a lot of people, ma’am. I have one.”

Customer: “Well! I don’t even put my own gas in my car! What would I want with that?”

Me: “Your total is [total]. Enjoy your day!”

(After she leaves, my coworker shakes his head.)

Me: “Could you believe her? ‘I don’t put my gas in my car, la-de-daaaa.’”

Coworker: “She works retail just like the rest of us.”

Me: “Are you serious?”

Coworker: “Yup. At the makeup counter in the mall next door. I’ve seen her.”

His Sense Of Bewilderment Is Ballooning

, , , , , | Right | August 13, 2018

(The place where I work does balloons as well as flowers. A guy comes up to me.)

Customer: “How much are balloons?”

Me: “They’re [price] each.”

Customer: “All right, can I get some of those?”

Me: “Sure! What colors would you like, and how many?”

Customer: “Uh, can I get… uh… red ones and blue ones?”

Me: “How many?”

Customer: “Yeah, red and blue.”

Me: “So… two red and two blue, or…”

Customer: “Yeah, something like that.”

(I inflate four balloons for Mr. Vague.)

Me: “And do you want a balloon weight for those?”

Customer: “Yeah. I’m gonna put them on the ground, so they need to be—” *gestures vaguely*

Me: “I can make the strings pretty long. That’s no problem.”

Customer: “Well, I’m getting ’em to mark a sign, see, so I guess I’m going to tie them to the sign or something.”

Me: “Oh, right, sure! So you don’t need a balloon weight, then?”

Customer: “Oh. I guess I don’t.”

Me: “Should I put these in a bag for you?”

Customer: “Um… Maybe.”

(It took a lot of willpower not to bang my head on the counter.)

A Beautiful Siren Song

, , , , , | | Right | May 23, 2018

(Our auto insurance call center shuts down at 10:00 pm everyday. It is 9:55 pm.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Call Center]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “I don’t care who you are. I hope this is being recorded. I have called in multiple times and no one has helped me yet!”

Me: “I apologize for your experience, sir. If you want, I can get my manager on the phone to help you out.”

Customer: “No, you will do my claim and no one else.”

Me: “All righty then, sir. Let’s get started.”

(I continue to take his information to finish his claim. We are one step from being completed with his claim when I hear the customer cursing someone else out on the other side of the line and then a loud bang.)

Me: “Sir, is everything, okay?”

Customer: “Why are you worried about what’s going on over here? Aren’t you supposed to be taking my information for the claim?”

Me: “Sir, I heard a loud bang and was just wanting to make sure everything or everyone was all right.”

Customer: “Mind your own d*** business, you piece of s***!”

(Little do I know that my manager is shadowing my call and has already called the police to trace the number.)

Manager: *pulls one earphone off my head and mutes my call* “Keep him on the phone for a few more minutes.”

Customer: “Excuse me, are you even listening? I thought it was your job to take my call,and listen to what I say, and take my information.”

Me: “I have been listening, sir, and we have one more step to do. Here are the dates that are available to get your vehicle in the shop.” *tells customer the dates* “Which would work best for you?”

Customer: “Let’s go with [date].” *sirens in the background*

Me: “Thank you, sir. Would you like this information to be sent to you via email or via text?”

Customer: “Here’s my phone number for the text. I have to go now; I’m in trouble.”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Call Center]. Again my name is [My Name], and I hope you have a wonderful and blessed day, sir.”

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