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That’s One Way To Get Your Goat

| Right | August 26, 2015

(I’m serving canapés at an outdoor wedding and approach a group of guests.)

Me: “Would anyone like a canapé?”

Guest: “What’s in them?”

Me: “That’s a goat’s cheese tartlet with sun-brushed tomatoes.”

Guest: “Oh, no, I won’t. I just don’t like goat’s cheese. No offence.”

Me: “That’s fine. I didn’t actually make them but I’m sure the chef won’t mind!”

Guest: “I didn’t mean any offence. I know you’re not a goat!”

Me: “…Thank you, sir.”

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Burning To Try

| Working | August 10, 2015

(My boss is known for being extremely difficult. This particular morning she is explaining how the breakfast buffet works even though I have been in catering for ten years and worked at this venue for three months.)

Boss: “The scrambled eggs need to be replaced every 45 minutes or they will dry out.”

Me: “Okay, I can handle that. I have made my fair share of scrambled eggs.”

Boss: “No, you can’t touch them; there is a certain technique. You get one of the chefs or wait until one is available.”

(As she walks away one of my coworkers bursts out laughing.)

Coworker: “Yeah, the technique is don’t let them burn. That’s it.”

(Now every time I do anything extremely simple my coworker yells at me about my technique which has gotten us some very strange looks as we collapse into giggles.)

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Not Tipped To Be A Good Night

| Right | May 20, 2015

(A woman’s 60th birthday party of about 100 in our fancy venue has just ended. The party in general hasn’t been very good tippers despite their flashy attire, many requests, and heavy drinking, but the people are nice enough.)

Guest Of Honor’s Relative: *approaches DJ* “I just want to say thank you so much! The music, the ambiance you provided, was perfect and we all had a wonderful time!”

DJ: “Thank you, miss. No problem, we had a good time.”

Guest Of Honor’s Relative: *approaches a coworker and me changing a tablecloth* “Thank you so much! You worked so hard, the food was delicious, and the service was absolutely great. On point. We will definitely be back! You guys deserve a raise in salary tonight!” *winks, squeezes my arm, and walks away*

Me: *whispering to coworker* “Yeah, it’s called a tip…”

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The Managers Shifty Behavior

| Working | March 24, 2015

(I commute to my job from my parents’ house about 45 minutes to an hour away in heavy traffic. I get there early, but stop and talk to a coworker outside for about 15 minutes to loosen up, being extremely frustrated and defeated from the traffic and rush to get there. Three of my other coworkers pass me and go inside. When I go inside, my boss tells me he ‘doesn’t need me today,’ which is not uncommon for the last person to arrive at work for an overbooked party. He assumes I drove from my own apartment 10 minutes away.)

Me: “Wh– what?”

Boss: “Yes, I don’t need you today. You can go home.”

Me: “You really can’t use me? I just drove an hour to get here from my parents’ house.”

Boss: “Too many servers. I don’t need you, sorry. You were last to get here.”

Me: *about to cry from frustration* “I clocked in at exactly at 10:30…” *plays with machine* “See?”

Boss: *pulls me behind a bar and takes $20 out of his wallet* “Here, go put some gas in your car and call back at 12 to get another shift for tonight.”

Me: “Noooo problem.”

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A Cup Is Over-Full Kind Of Person

, | Right | March 22, 2015

(We sell catering boxes of 15, 25, or 50 cups of frozen yoghurt, that customers can order for events. While the cups we offer in-store are 16 oz. or 25 oz., the cups we use for the catering boxes are much smaller at 6 oz. Therefore, when telling customers about the catering boxes, we have to make sure to mention this. I am helping a woman who is thinking of buying the 25-cup box.)

Customer: “So, does the yogurt come in these cups?”

Me: “No, for the catering boxes it comes in smaller, 6 oz. cups. I’ll show you.”

(I fetch a cup and show it to her. It is only a couple inches high and a little over twice as wide.)

Customer: “And that’s supposed to feed 25 people?!”

Me: “…One per person.”


Customer: “OHHH.”

(Many people feel that size of cup isn’t big enough even for one person. I found it hilarious that she thought we expected one of them to be used by 25 people!)

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